Can the Fluther collective write a coherent story?
Limited to six words per response with no back to back individual responses can we write a good story?
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my lips, I felt a strange
sensation by my foot. I quickly
looked down and to my horror
to hit me like an elephant.
as I kicked the whiskey bottle
“Ow!” I thought, “This really sucks.”
Suddenly, my iphone rang. It was
my mother. I thought she was
in the Carribean. I was shocked
she was speaking to me again.
should keep whiskey on the table.
“I’m an alcoholic,” I replied, sheepishly.
“I always keep my whiskey nearby”.
“Floor, table, bathtub, it’s all good.”
“That’s why I disinherited you,” she
slurred through her whiskey breath before
she told me the news about
her recently misplaced breath mints that
she always kept nearby in case
someone showed up at the door
with home breathalyzer kits equipped with
Whiskey detectors and a set of
Just then, I was knocked off
my barstool by a beaked alien
“Knock it off, Sam! I don’t
swing that way. Curious, flattered even
perhaps I could stroke your beak
… no! Not again.”
“Bartender, check please!”
“One last Vodka and Octopus please!”
Shaken or stirred? The Octopus, alive or clubbed?
Six words peedub Six words max
“The Octopus goes in the Vodka!”
“Can the Fluther collective write a coherent story?” No, absolutely not. :)
she screamed as she stormed out.
Six words max richardhenry!
Was the name of the cocktail
It’s not part of the story if it’s small!
Bradley picked up his phone, dialing
, it can be rimmed with nori.
huh? This is not making sense
At which point I blacked out.
and woke up somewere strange
, in a tank of some kind.
Green, rusty metal. A WWII relic?
They called this the Drunk Tank.
Only without the purple pants
(sigh) Apparently, I am still crazy.
I had a raging whiskey hangover.
“I’m over this drink” she said
They didn’t even remove the beak!
an empty dark room and saw..
…three individuals in bunny suits.
Cursing the ghost of Albert Hofmann
Oddly, they had no beaks.
So I put it on my bill! ( ooops. haight and I posted at the same time!! this was to follow Oddly, they had no beaks. )
…fragile psyche, I gave in.
I was hallucinating that I was still..
seeing three Albert Hoffmans.
and that they were touching my
feverish forehead. I recoiled to find…
they were touching forehead with beaks
, not serrated, but Set-like. When…
suddenly my mother was hovering over
..all three, screaming like a banshee
“but you’re dead! This can’t be!
“But it can,” said Bill Gates,
Albert Hoffman’s tennis partner. They
thanks to his consistent nipple
biting, the “dynamic duo” parted ways.
I dreamed that I saw Set bite
on a large bacon slab, but
was it an effigy shaped like Osiris?
Osiris started hacking up bacon
Ever since his trip to Dubai
where he unfortunately caught a bird.
I thought ”feck that” and grabbed…
filled with previously caught butterflies for
my hallucinatory Albert Hoffman adventures
in the ‘other’ place. Why is
my mother claiming that I’m dead?
Why was the drink really raised?
It was a “Scalmari” vodka/octopus
,I always hold the Campari, except once
It was of coarse a special
occasion, as I had just birthed
, progeny of, gin, the neighbor and
(ahahahahahahahahaha….woop, woop)
Long nights, sordid pasts, and some
cheese tacos, I came to terms
with life. Beaked spawn is just
A mind filled with cheese tacos
and some delicious chocolates that
that were glazed with mind-altering
round cacti, infested with
morsels of ginger that gagged me
until, hallucinating, the Alien Mothership appeared
, reeking of malathion and rotton
everyone had a beak like Disneyworld
and an attitude like carnival workers.
and coworkers were all drunken sots.
Their physique was similar to
,those who cannot count words
, cannot count their thoughts, I philosophized
over my vodka Scalmari. Then
I waited for the rejection slip
that I was no longer welcome
My girlfriend’s “Dear John” letter reminded…
extract the truth about Hoffy’s
inability to count words, not syllables.
and as I dwelled on counting
I ordered six more shots of
more “Beaked Alien” brand whiskeys.
They were fourteen pesos but I
several forged US Dollars
written in authentic squid ink. Elvis
but forgotten to switch off the
“make this trip end” button. I
obsessed about counting my words
insanity. Beaks, beaks, beaks, beaks, beaks…
At last, ‘beak’ came to mean
Old Dirty Bastard’s long awaited
return to Disneyland. This time
he would pay the entrance fee
whatever they asked, to enter Disneyland
, fortress of “the one.” Featured inside
was a troupe of dancers wearing
Counting Crows masks along with
several Set uniforms which satisfied my
urge to hack away. Isis was
lipstick and serrated wings that she
cut through thick-skulled
people in the audience causing bleeding
and a lymph light show. Four
bottles of whiskey were tucked in
fluther writes awesome stories !
ODB’s multicolored Rasta tunic for
use later when I would eventually
an island like the TV show
survivor, where everybody gets to eat
urchin tartar, slimy sand baked
clam juice and cannibalize each other’s
weanises because
a weanis is a real thing. Its the extra skin on the elbow
they were all sex-starved and
weanises taste better than stray rats
(what the hell Eambos? haha.)
I boarded the plane and arrived
, after waking up from this dream,
in New Mexico, which smelt like
whiskey and weineses. I was incoherent!
rusty sewage pipes that no longer
I got online and Fluthered
sour mash Tennessee Whiskey full
a jelly-like substance and
clouded my head and made me
flash back to the time when
I returned to the airport and
realized the Tennessee Vols had won
I put on my orange T-Shirt and
drank a beer to celebrate.
my relapse back to alcoholism
had not affected my loyalty to
the best team to wear orange
they prefer orange over another color.
I preferred the amber of Bourbon
and the stench of smelly socks
and the caress of delicious love
said the vicar to the professional
The plane was now loud and
This caused the plaid to be
This was made worse by the
crabby old broad laughing at me
while downing her own bottle of
monkey spit, she choked and
I let my heavy, plaid ass
When the cheecks reagained feeling
I realized a website like this
could never have survived if not
for the excellent minds of people
and my incoherent drunken thoughts. I
find nice things to say about
please say the Baby.
( too slow.)
smiled from across the room and
yawn. She went to jury duty
and hadn’t slept for ever
because she was being tried for
stealing candy from a kid.
“life without parole,” he added.
Shackled in cuffs, she slouched
a shadow of her former self
. She knew she was guilty.
“before I get locked up please
goal to bust out of prison.
7 years later her cellmate jackie
to break out with out Allie.
And become the worlds first
2 woman exterminating squad.
hole Jackie and Allie had dug.
to dispose of all those cakes
, ones made for urinals. They held
a secret “we’re busting out” party
they invited everyone from the city
and their long time friend TennesseeTeacake
, a baker from Southern Prussia.
She brought her delicious (if I may say so) sugar cookies
because she wanted Allie to trip
on her own words in delight.
suddenly, Tupac appeared and said:
Brother, is that cookie for me
Allie pulled out her .22, shouted
(I wish I was as cool as Weezy)
The specter of the great rapper
”... but I’ll share with you, Pac.”
I don’t share with nobody
He spit a wicked freestyle then
dropped more lines than AT&T.
I am back, and that’s a fact.
, talk back and rat a tat!
easy, so don’t try and please
Allie yelled as she chased Tupac
Into his shiny whip, they
(Cheezy Allie and Weezy that is) sat and
enjoyed a 40. Weezy’s grill glittered
song mixtape with Slayer and
Cheezy refused to flow with them
Broken record of posts!!! More than any other thread. This question rocks!
and fell asleep. Her beak
fell off and exposed her lips
Weezy got that look in his eye
oops! 7, sorry
jaw when he saw Cheezy passed
out like an old pamphlet. He
felt bad for getting her drunk
Cheezy sleep talked and confessed her
(you KNOW it)
“Oh, Peedizzle,” she said..
You don’t know the meaning off
“love, young girl” he said cooly
his one true desire.. unreachable
he forgot how to sail his
exceptionally impressive yacht
Well, if I can’t have you
I dont want nobody, baby!
He considered the ultimatum, and
really hoped cheezy would choose him
to wear the red bear suit
in order that they were matching.
was the last thing they wanted
And said: “what the hey!”
Or was it just the beginning?
It was the end of the related hook ups
the beginning of something great
“its bad dejavu! She said
in her book titled “Vini, VIdi,
”...true story of cheezy and peedub”
Chapter one was titled Cheezy, Weezy and Breezys
chapter two was titled “sex”
Chapter three was titled “The End”
their memoir made them filthy rich
until Peedub lost all their money,
in a bet with weezy about
(i still dont know who the fuck weezy is)
(oh. never mind. i hate rap.)
gangsta shit, bitches and hoes.
nobody knows what happened next because
they were suddenly attacked by a huge
throng of penquins, each wielding their
samuari katanas which were covered in
infant seal blood. Their eyes spoke
of the painful beatings they had
tried to forget by imbibing
gallons of hard liquor. The penguins
shrieked at peedub who had forgotten
to replace his bear head with
his yellowed thinking cap. He swore
like a pirate at the penguins…
who swore back. Peedub picked up
his Aleutian Javelin and sack of
onions and ran because he knew
only the bat guano could possibly
save him. Then he was robbed.
His excited manhood was now beginning
to hurt because the thief took
his shorts, without removing his pants
or shoes. Peedud walked sadly across
the penguin mass and passed out.
He awoke to find the alpha-male
man-whale performing what looked like
on the red power ranger. He
was still wearing his mask, but
and cold. It was obvious because
He was purple, not red as
Rotten, maggot filled tub of
boiling butter. Peedub decide to enlist
and joined the beaked alien brigade
where they made fun of his
a polyglot from the arctic, who
enjoyed eating infant polar bears
straight from the womb. The two
sauces he brought for such occasions
were A1 steak sauce and hot
Jamaican stuff from Donny the Rasta,
“Yum, may I join you??” said:
Peedub, to which randy replied “Sure,
come hither, taste pure fire. “OH
NO! Randy’s eating me! You CANNIBAL..
BASTARD! Die you flesh eating, dirty
rotten scoundrel. You’re not getting my
super stretchy octopus arms!” yelled peedub
Ben, Andrew and Eric happend along
and banned Peedub and Randy from..
stealing their bunny suits
made of gold. A war erupted
which made my ear hernia worse.
As the battles and hernia raged,
a penguin drinking whiskey squawked loudly
The iPhone version of the site needs a ‘skip to latest post’ link, my scrolling finger kills.
startling the friendly fisherman.
local passer-by on a tricycle. The
silly clown face, sporting a unitard
laughed. As he went past into
a giant block of cheese, that
was past it’s sell by date.
Luckily he was French and happily
made good use of the cheese
he made some very delicious
tartlets, dusted with the finest
dandruff, but he over did the
lower the price, otherwise the gremlins
who are the only customers, cannot
play their reindeer munching games or
practice their clog dancing, the pride..
cause trouble, but little do they
know, a fish with purple hair
spat in he’s eye, and bit
all of the aliens (and birds).
Someone had to put a stop
to all of this madness, so using
the carefully hidden stilletto he had
royal line of that mighty race.
But wait, was this a dream?
almost surreal, except for this feeling
of… what? Is it rapture(1) ?
sweaty, steamy back. But would she
her? No! She insisted that I
So, after oiling myself up, I
watched Donnie Darko on the television.
“Ah, that Donnie,” I thought, “he
always finds the cellar door, but
he can’t please a woman like
robmbandu can do. He was able
bodily, but with a feebe mind.
Too bad.” Moving on, I then
took a cliff diving seminar in
New Guinea utilizing modern rappelling equipment.
Hoping desperately that my vertigo wouldn’t
-and-a-half somersault before vomiting
red, bruised fruit Jello and
semi digested whiskey soaked squid pieces.
rummy cake, but I typically gravitate
toward prepubescent aquatic fowl. Of course
, that is, until my mother shows
what it truly means to be
an ovulating man child, born of
Satan’s seed. But that was another
story for another day. He learned
nothing by cheating the banker.
putting on my trousers looking down
at a strange object protruding
from my lycra saddle riders, as
my foot emerged, hitting the whiskey
bottle and spilling the liquor all
over the tulips that I had
thrown up on last nite. So
I buried it with my wife’s (I’m not married btw)
a note explaining my bachelordom and
a beaked alien fish named sally.
“Sheesh,” I said, and proceeded to
peel sally’s scales off and break
a fleet of crabs from the
papichula galaxy began to
were their ships made of lindberger cheese?
I’m not sure if robmandu’s thing is related…
Maybe, I was more worried about
the horrible stench arising from
handy dandy terminals and shouted: ”
“the hills are alive with the…
pole cats, polemics, and pre-
historic beaked fish and tigers
, that once loomed across the great
open highways of the nordic plains.
men who foolhardily raise toasts to
themselves. The fools! Didn’t they understand
corporeal punishment would soon follow?
As it turned out, they were
treated to royalty by the king
he could make them flay knights.
He also was knitting them some
little pink booties for their Easter
Bonnets that Erik, had previously
made into tattoo patterns. They resembled
Andrew, our beloved moderator(sp).
His forehead and eyes were
sleepless hours spent monitoring the every
day coconut-headed window lickers who
represent the lollipop guild.”
Meanwhile, unbeknownst
to the hot heads, were 48
banana boats, drenched in the vilest
banana juice ever known to man
. The juice glistened in the midday
sun. So beautiful, yet reeked of
brine. Sailing those were the Intrepid
tree penquins who once populated the
great wilderness who have travelled far
only to find that their birthplace
has been inhabited by drunken
Scalmari-swilling nimrods. Meanwhile, across the
gobbled huge volumes of gollum, liberally
killing themselves. So what did I
learn from this? Nothing.
I think I’ll actually publish this as a non-profit book once it’s finished. Both PDF and printed versions.
I didn’t even take away any
This was a particular shame, as
I had grown rather fond of
the taste of penquin bile. Furthermore,
to the further to the more,
Not an everyday question but a
non every day question, based upon
hallucinations and loose associations generated by
super computers and high-paced jet
machines that were built for use
by beaked alien penguins. The answer
could not be found anywhere in
in this dimension. We had to
Now I remember! It was the
synapse known as “El Dud,” or
“The Dud”. That was the only
a play name. Really there was
six microscopic placentapeeds that would infest
the very core of my brain
and make me wonder how much
more of this story I could
handle, without completely losing my
potato chips. When I misplace them,
a dissoriented horned bird
wrapped in a discarded Mad Libs
box, filled with cottage cheese and
burnt hair mixed with fingernails.
The smell was disgusting and caused
which made the smell even worse!
The sun-dried monkey meat could have
been tasty if the chef prepared
it with pine nuts, but old
habits prevailed and poached penquin was
sent through unnecessary tribulations. We waited
,twitling our nicotine stained digits, while
the old crows stared ominously. Fiery
inferno was my passion at the
cavity space known as my heart.
senseless hatred, the misguided fantasies, and
My right nipple. Unfortunately, however, I
had alternating teets for the chewing
of bone and other hard materials.
Oh sinew…my true love, when
you return from your long voyage,
I will consume your fibrous attitude
with the passion of a thousand
large, erect members, pulsating with undying
undulation. Beats in sync, they
Is this almost done? I’ll compile and publish it when it’s finished.
Sweet. I’ll do it tomorrow then. Oh, and “can the Fluther collective write a coherent story?” Only if the reader is absolutely mental. Also, shall I call it “A Coherent Story Written on Fluther.com”?
Yes, only the tip! lol. Peedub, you with me, sir?
And here I thought the Icelandic Sagas were long and at times hard to follow…...have a whole new perspective now.
Hahaha! Wildflower, you are GREAT!
I’m about a quarter of the way through compiling this. :)
busy Sunday for you….you should get a reward for doing it!
I’ve finished writing it (I retyped the whole f-ing thing). I’ll sort out a cover and printer now.
Seriously, you deserve a f-ing medal for that! Can’t wait to see it :)
It’s worth it, this is amazing.
What do you title it? “Beaked Aliens, Tree Penquins, and Whiskey (A Collective Nordic Love Story)”
An epic story needs a good, long title.
How many individual people took part in this? Can anyone be bothered to count? Cover is done, I’m proofreading now. Adding in little bits to make you know, actual sentences. :)
Paperback perfect-bound printed copy will cost £3.00, or $5/6 USD. You’ll be able to order it through Lulu, I’ll give links. PDF version will be free. Each copy generates 5p (about 10 cents) for Cancer Research UK. Shipping local to quite a few countries, so delivery should be good too… I’ll post more when I’ve finished up publishing.
I would definitely buy the audio tape version.
Any thoughts on the movie rights?
My granny will do a reading. She’s good at that kind of stuff
Publishing under “Science Fiction & Fantasy”. Probably the most appropriate.
Actually, i think everyone who took part in This “Collective Story” is awesome! I will admit it has kept me iPhone bound so as not to miss a single word! I must congratulate you all!!! The mental images I had in my mind at the outlandish discription, had me laughing out loud ” mind you, I’m supposed to be working.”
richardhenry, you’re the Big Mac! I’m just a little french fry. If you want to add my name and website to the book you can. Name: Psyla. Website: psyla.com (It redirects to my Dream Abyss). Thanks richardhenry, you’re the man! Love the charity donation part of it, outstanding job everyone!
Epilogue – Just wanted the last word.
(I never get it at home.)
Lol so weird but funny too.
So let’s start a new one.
her silky white bosom, billowing to
What? We’ve finished? Nevermind then.
hey AC….maybe it’s time to start a new one?
A private new one. That only you can read. Naked.
Another new story will mean that FF crashes again.
I vote for starting a new story.
Eh. Sequels are seldom as good as their predecessor.
@AstroChuck
LOTR Two Towers
Godfather II
Star Wars Empire Strikes Back
What about a prequel instead?
All your home vacuum sealing needs
can provide you with a life long supply of
sealed and fresh foods and non-foods
that will make your intestines bleed and your
brain unable to count to six
:^>
@AstroChuck I read “sequels” as “squirrels” and was a bit confused.
That applies as well. Proto-squirrels were much better than the present day variety, IMHO.
that was just freaking awesome!!! judos to all who participated, which I was then to get into that thread -day late and a doillar short!
Judos? Please don’t kick me. I’d prefer kudos, thank you.
@AstroChuck sorry about that – mind was going faster than the fingers
I feel so left out after visiting johnpowell’s unofficial wiki and seeing all the epic questions for the first time. I just hope I’m here for the next one.
I wish I was part of this :*(
I want a new one! I wish I was part of this.
Hmm, is there anyone observing still?
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