General Question

richmarshall's avatar

Can the Fluther collective write a coherent story?

Asked by richmarshall (1047points) April 30th, 2008

Limited to six words per response with no back to back individual responses can we write a good story?

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

671 Answers

richmarshall's avatar

As I raised the drink to

robmandu's avatar

my lips, I felt a strange

Les's avatar

sensation by my foot. I quickly

wildflower's avatar

looked down and to my horror

robmandu's avatar

realized my greatest fear was about

Randy's avatar

to hit me like an elephant.

rking1487's avatar

I moved my foot and got

richardhenry's avatar

a hernia in my left ear

psyla's avatar

as I kicked the whiskey bottle

robmandu's avatar

“Ow!” I thought, “This really sucks.”

nocountry2's avatar

Suddenly, my iphone rang. It was

Les's avatar

my mother. I thought she was

glial's avatar

in the Carribean. I was shocked

dayeshere's avatar

she was speaking to me again.

Randy's avatar

She told me that I

psyla's avatar

should keep whiskey on the table.

nikipedia's avatar

“I’m an alcoholic,” I replied, sheepishly.

psyla's avatar

“I always keep my whiskey nearby”.

robmandu's avatar

“Floor, table, bathtub, it’s all good.”

nikipedia's avatar

“That’s why I disinherited you,” she

richmarshall's avatar

slurred through her whiskey breath before

syz's avatar

she told me the news about

paulc's avatar

her recently misplaced breath mints that

scamp's avatar

she always kept nearby in case

psyla's avatar

someone showed up at the door

paulc's avatar

with home breathalyzer kits equipped with

scamp's avatar

Whiskey detectors and a set of

psyla's avatar

nets in case I ran away.

Les's avatar

Just then, I was knocked off

psyla's avatar

my barstool by a beaked alien

whatthefluther's avatar

looking to mate.

robmandu's avatar

“Knock it off, Sam! I don’t

wildflower's avatar

swing that way. Curious, flattered even

whatthefluther's avatar

perhaps I could stroke your beak

robmandu's avatar

… no! Not again.”

“Bartender, check please!”

psyla's avatar

“One last Vodka and Octopus please!”

peedub's avatar

Shaken or stirred? The Octopus, alive or clubbed?

sccrowell's avatar

Six words peedub Six words max

psyla's avatar

“The Octopus goes in the Vodka!”

richardhenry's avatar

“Can the Fluther collective write a coherent story?” No, absolutely not. :)

TheHaight's avatar

she screamed as she stormed out.

psyla's avatar

Six words max richardhenry!

peedub's avatar

Was the name of the cocktail

richardhenry's avatar

It’s not part of the story if it’s small!

peedub's avatar

she said, to his dismay.

richardhenry's avatar

Bradley picked up his phone, dialing

psyla's avatar

his girlfriend to see if

peedub's avatar

, it can be rimmed with nori.

TheHaight's avatar

huh? This is not making sense

paulc's avatar

oops never mind

robmandu's avatar

At which point I blacked out.

TheHaight's avatar

and woke up somewere strange

peedub's avatar

, in a tank of some kind.

robmandu's avatar

Green, rusty metal. A WWII relic?

psyla's avatar

They called this the Drunk Tank.

wildflower's avatar

Only without the purple pants

robmandu's avatar

(sigh) Apparently, I am still crazy.

psyla's avatar

I had a raging whiskey hangover.

TheHaight's avatar

“I’m over this drink” she said

peedub's avatar

They didn’t even remove the beak!

psyla's avatar

I stood up and walked to

TheHaight's avatar

an empty dark room and saw..

peedub's avatar

…three individuals in bunny suits.

paulc's avatar

Cursing the ghost of Albert Hofmann

psyla's avatar

Oddly, they had no beaks.

TheHaight's avatar

and longed to torture my

scamp's avatar

So I put it on my bill! ( ooops. haight and I posted at the same time!! this was to follow Oddly, they had no beaks. )

peedub's avatar

…fragile psyche, I gave in.

psyla's avatar

I was hallucinating that I was still..

peedub's avatar

seeing three Albert Hoffmans.

TheHaight's avatar

and that they were touching my

peedub's avatar

feverish forehead. I recoiled to find…

wildflower's avatar

they were touching forehead with beaks

peedub's avatar

, not serrated, but Set-like. When…

susanc's avatar

suddenly my mother was hovering over

wildflower's avatar

..all three, screaming like a banshee

TheHaight's avatar

“but you’re dead! This can’t be!

richardhenry's avatar

“But it can,” said Bill Gates,

peedub's avatar

Albert Hoffman’s tennis partner. They

richardhenry's avatar

used to play, but due to

nikipedia's avatar

Albert’s untimely demise

richardhenry's avatar

thanks to his consistent nipple

peedub's avatar

biting, the “dynamic duo” parted ways.

psyla's avatar

I dreamed that I saw Set bite

richardhenry's avatar

on a large bacon slab, but

peedub's avatar

was it an effigy shaped like Osiris?

psyla's avatar

Osiris started hacking up bacon

robmandu's avatar

Ever since his trip to Dubai

richardhenry's avatar

where he unfortunately caught a bird.

wildflower's avatar

I thought ”feck that” and grabbed…

psyla's avatar

a breathalyzer kit net

peedub's avatar

filled with previously caught butterflies for

psyla's avatar

my hallucinatory Albert Hoffman adventures

peedub's avatar

in the ‘other’ place. Why is

psyla's avatar

my mother claiming that I’m dead?

peedub's avatar

Why was the drink really raised?

psyla's avatar

It was a “Scalmari” vodka/octopus

peedub's avatar

,I always hold the Campari, except once

psyla's avatar

when I had a “Salmari”.

peedub's avatar

It was of coarse a special

richardhenry's avatar

occasion, as I had just birthed

psyla's avatar

several beaked aliens

peedub's avatar

, progeny of, gin, the neighbor and

nikipedia's avatar

gailcalled.

nocountry2's avatar

(ahahahahahahahahaha….woop, woop)

peedub's avatar

Long nights, sordid pasts, and some

nocountry2's avatar

cheese tacos, I came to terms

peedub's avatar

with life. Beaked spawn is just

nikipedia's avatar

wildflower’s alter ego.

peedub's avatar

A mind filled with cheese tacos

skfinkel's avatar

and some delicious chocolates that

psyla's avatar

that were glazed with mind-altering

peedub's avatar

round cacti, infested with

psyla's avatar

morsels of ginger that gagged me

nocountry2's avatar

until, hallucinating, the Alien Mothership appeared

peedub's avatar

, reeking of malathion and rotton

65Stang's avatar

Eggs and looked like

psyla's avatar

everyone had a beak like Disneyworld

peedub's avatar

and an attitude like carnival workers.

65Stang's avatar

whose friends

psyla's avatar

and coworkers were all drunken sots.

peedub's avatar

Their physique was similar to

wildflower's avatar

spice in a shot glass

65Stang's avatar

I drank to

psyla's avatar

my poor health

gailcalled's avatar

,those who cannot count words

nikipedia's avatar

, gailcalled

psyla's avatar

, cannot count their thoughts, I philosophized

peedub's avatar

over my vodka Scalmari. Then

gailcalled's avatar

I waited for the rejection slip

peedub's avatar

, in red ink, it stated

psyla's avatar

that I was no longer welcome

psyla's avatar

My girlfriend’s “Dear John” letter reminded…

wildflower's avatar

me that it was time to

peedub's avatar

extract the truth about Hoffy’s

gailcalled's avatar

inability to count words, not syllables.

psyla's avatar

and as I dwelled on counting

wildflower's avatar

I ordered six more shots of

peedub's avatar

“Old number 9,” and two

psyla's avatar

more “Beaked Alien” brand whiskeys.

peedub's avatar

They were fourteen pesos but I

psyla's avatar

several forged US Dollars

peedub's avatar

written in authentic squid ink. Elvis

psyla's avatar

had left the building

wildflower's avatar

but forgotten to switch off the

peedub's avatar

“make this trip end” button. I

psyla's avatar

obsessed about counting my words

peedub's avatar

until the point of

wildflower's avatar

insanity. Beaks, beaks, beaks, beaks, beaks…

peedub's avatar

At last, ‘beak’ came to mean

65Stang's avatar

the union of

peedub's avatar

Old Dirty Bastard’s long awaited

wildflower's avatar

return to Disneyland. This time

psyla's avatar

he would pay the entrance fee

peedub's avatar

, bushel of acorns or

psyla's avatar

whatever they asked, to enter Disneyland

peedub's avatar

, fortress of “the one.” Featured inside

psyla's avatar

was a troupe of dancers wearing

peedub's avatar

Counting Crows masks along with

psyla's avatar

several Set uniforms which satisfied my

peedub's avatar

urge to hack away. Isis was

psyla's avatar

as sexy as ever

peedub's avatar

showing off her gilded

psyla's avatar

lipstick and serrated wings that she

peedub's avatar

cut through thick-skulled

psyla's avatar

people in the audience causing bleeding

peedub's avatar

and a lymph light show. Four

psyla's avatar

bottles of whiskey were tucked in

eambos's avatar

fluther writes awesome stories !

eambos's avatar

The trouser pocket of

peedub's avatar

ODB’s multicolored Rasta tunic for

psyla's avatar

use later when I would eventually

eambos's avatar

Go on a magic trip to

psyla's avatar

an island like the TV show

Allie's avatar

survivor, where everybody gets to eat

peedub's avatar

urchin tartar, slimy sand baked

65Stang's avatar

squid with a hint of

eambos's avatar

Feta and a garnish of

psyla's avatar

clam juice and cannibalize each other’s

eambos's avatar

weanises because

a weanis is a real thing. Its the extra skin on the elbow

psyla's avatar

they were all sex-starved and

Allie's avatar

weanises taste better than stray rats
(what the hell Eambos? haha.)

psyla's avatar

I boarded the plane and arrived

Allie's avatar

, after waking up from this dream,

richardhenry's avatar

in New Mexico, which smelt like

psyla's avatar

whiskey and weineses. I was incoherent!

eambos's avatar

the hot sauce bottles in

Allie's avatar

rusty sewage pipes that no longer

peedub's avatar

spoke in our terms. Then

Allie's avatar

I got online and Fluthered

eambos's avatar

When a huge smelly

blueberryme's avatar

vat of ripened

psyla's avatar

sour mash Tennessee Whiskey full

peedub's avatar

of beaks, hands and

eambos's avatar

gametes congealed into

Allie's avatar

a jelly-like substance and

peedub's avatar

kimchi #5. The odor

Allie's avatar

clouded my head and made me

El_Cadejo's avatar

flash back to the time when

Allie's avatar

I saw Weezy live in ATL

psyla's avatar

I returned to the airport and

TennesseeTeacake's avatar

realized the Tennessee Vols had won

psyla's avatar

I put on my orange T-Shirt and

Allie's avatar

drank a beer to celebrate.

El_Cadejo's avatar

my relapse back to alcoholism

psyla's avatar

had not affected my loyalty to

TennesseeTeacake's avatar

the best team to wear orange

psyla's avatar

as a way of showing that

Allie's avatar

they prefer orange over another color.

psyla's avatar

I preferred the amber of Bourbon

TennesseeTeacake's avatar

and the stench of smelly socks

robmandu's avatar

and the caress of delicious love

BadMotherFluther's avatar

said the vicar to the professional

TennesseeTeacake's avatar

leg hair licker.

psyla's avatar

The plane was now loud and

BadMotherFluther's avatar

I had a accident in my

Allie's avatar

plaid shorts.

psyla's avatar

This caused the plaid to be

TennesseeTeacake's avatar

heavy on the left side.

psyla's avatar

This was made worse by the

TennesseeTeacake's avatar

crabby old broad laughing at me

delphi2100's avatar

while downing her own bottle of

BadMotherFluther's avatar

monkey spit, she choked and

eambos's avatar

Began to sound like

Allie's avatar

I let my heavy, plaid ass

eambos's avatar

When the cheecks reagained feeling

TennesseeTeacake's avatar

from her pinching my bum

psyla's avatar

I realized a website like this

TennesseeTeacake's avatar

could never have survived if not

Allie's avatar

for the excellent minds of people

psyla's avatar

and my incoherent drunken thoughts. I

Allie's avatar

party like a rockstar.

BadMotherFluther's avatar

find nice things to say about

rking1487's avatar

Weezy F Baby

eambos's avatar

needs a diaper change

Allie's avatar

please say the Baby.

( too slow.)

TennesseeTeacake's avatar

Then a girl named Allie

Allie's avatar

(uh oh..)

TennesseeTeacake's avatar

smiled from across the room and

BadMotherFluther's avatar

let out a almighty

Allie's avatar

yawn. She went to jury duty

TennesseeTeacake's avatar

and hadn’t slept for ever

BadMotherFluther's avatar

but had to leave

eambos's avatar

because she was being tried for

TennesseeTeacake's avatar

stealing candy from a kid.

BadMotherFluther's avatar

guilty said the judge.

TennesseeTeacake's avatar

“life without parole,” he added.

Allie's avatar

Shackled in cuffs, she slouched

BadMotherFluther's avatar

a shadow of her former self

TennesseeTeacake's avatar

. She knew she was guilty.

BadMotherFluther's avatar

and was going to burn

Allie's avatar

some tree one last time.

BadMotherFluther's avatar

but her last words were

TennesseeTeacake's avatar

“before I get locked up please

BadMotherFluther's avatar

and swore to make it her

Allie's avatar

goal to bust out of prison.

TennesseeTeacake's avatar

7 years later her cellmate jackie

BadMotherFluther's avatar

started hearing voices

eambos's avatar

. She said they told her

TennesseeTeacake's avatar

to break out with out Allie.

BadMotherFluther's avatar

And become the worlds first

eambos's avatar

2 woman exterminating squad.

BadMotherFluther's avatar

First on the to do list

eambos's avatar

was the infested

TennesseeTeacake's avatar

hole Jackie and Allie had dug.

sndfreQ's avatar

to dispose of all those cakes

peedub's avatar

, ones made for urinals. They held

TennesseeTeacake's avatar

a secret “we’re busting out” party

65Stang's avatar

they invited everyone from the city

BadMotherFluther's avatar

and their long time friend TennesseeTeacake

peedub's avatar

, a baker from Southern Prussia.

TennesseeTeacake's avatar

She brought her delicious (if I may say so) sugar cookies

peedub's avatar

made with grade A TLC,

TennesseeTeacake's avatar

because she wanted Allie to trip

peedub's avatar

on her own words in delight.

TheHaight's avatar

suddenly, Tupac appeared and said:

BadMotherFluther's avatar

Brother, is that cookie for me

TennesseeTeacake's avatar

Allie pulled out her .22, shouted

peedub's avatar

It’s for me, I’m Weezy.

Allie's avatar

(I wish I was as cool as Weezy)

eambos's avatar

The specter of the great rapper

Allie's avatar

”... but I’ll share with you, Pac.”

BadMotherFluther's avatar

I don’t share with nobody

eambos's avatar

He spit a wicked freestyle then

peedub's avatar

dropped more lines than AT&T.

BadMotherFluther's avatar

I am back, and that’s a fact.

eambos's avatar

You know where its at

peedub's avatar

, talk back and rat a tat!

Allie's avatar

I’m Cheezy, baby!

peedub's avatar

I eat crabs like I’m

BadMotherFluther's avatar

easy, so don’t try and please

TennesseeTeacake's avatar

me. (end of rap….please)

BadMotherFluther's avatar

You can’t stop me now

TennesseeTeacake's avatar

Allie yelled as she chased Tupac

peedub's avatar

Into his shiny whip, they

TennesseeTeacake's avatar

(Cheezy Allie and Weezy that is) sat and

Allie's avatar

enjoyed a 40. Weezy’s grill glittered

peedub's avatar

song mixtape with Slayer and

whatthefluther's avatar

and the Killers

Allie's avatar

Cheezy refused to flow with them

eambos's avatar

Broken record of posts!!! More than any other thread. This question rocks!

peedub's avatar

and fell asleep. Her beak

TennesseeTeacake's avatar

fell off and exposed her lips

whatthefluther's avatar

begging to be stroked

TennesseeTeacake's avatar

Weezy got that look in his eye
oops! 7, sorry

eambos's avatar

and dropped his

TennesseeTeacake's avatar

jaw when he saw Cheezy passed

peedub's avatar

out like an old pamphlet. He

TennesseeTeacake's avatar

felt bad for getting her drunk

peedub's avatar

and playing his krunk

BadMotherFluther's avatar

but was not to blame

TennesseeTeacake's avatar

Cheezy sleep talked and confessed her

TennesseeTeacake's avatar

and undying love for

peedub's avatar

and his corn dog ways,

Allie's avatar

(you KNOW it)

“Oh, Peedizzle,” she said..

BadMotherFluther's avatar

How do you do that?

TennesseeTeacake's avatar

you had me at hello

BadMotherFluther's avatar

You don’t know the meaning off

TennesseeTeacake's avatar

“love, young girl” he said cooly

peedub's avatar

He thought he knew

TennesseeTeacake's avatar

his one true desire.. unreachable

peedub's avatar

he forgot how to sail his

TennesseeTeacake's avatar

exceptionally impressive yacht

whatthefluther's avatar

named Vodka and Octopus

BadMotherFluther's avatar

Well, if I can’t have you

TennesseeTeacake's avatar

I dont want nobody, baby!

BadMotherFluther's avatar

and it’s got to be you

peedub's avatar

He considered the ultimatum, and

TennesseeTeacake's avatar

really hoped cheezy would choose him

peedub's avatar

to wear the red bear suit

BadMotherFluther's avatar

in order that they were matching.

65Stang's avatar

to get in bed

BadMotherFluther's avatar

was the last thing they wanted

65Stang's avatar

because they knew

BadMotherFluther's avatar

they were related!

TheHaight's avatar

but they did anyway!

peedub's avatar

And said: “what the hey!”

TheHaight's avatar

I need a drink. The end!

peedub's avatar

Or was it just the beginning?

rking1487's avatar

It was the end of the related hook ups

TennesseeTeacake's avatar

the beginning of something great

TheHaight's avatar

“its bad dejavu! She said

peedub's avatar

in her book titled “Vini, VIdi,

TennesseeTeacake's avatar

”...true story of cheezy and peedub”

rking1487's avatar

Chapter one was titled Cheezy, Weezy and Breezys

TennesseeTeacake's avatar

chapter two was titled “sex”

Allie's avatar

Chapter three was titled “The End”

TennesseeTeacake's avatar

their memoir made them filthy rich

BadMotherFluther's avatar

until Peedub lost all their money,

TennesseeTeacake's avatar

in a bet with weezy about
(i still dont know who the fuck weezy is)

TennesseeTeacake's avatar

(oh. never mind. i hate rap.)

Randy's avatar

gangsta shit, bitches and hoes.

TennesseeTeacake's avatar

nobody knows what happened next because

Randy's avatar

they were suddenly attacked by a huge

AstroChuck's avatar

throng of penquins, each wielding their

Randy's avatar

samuari katanas which were covered in

peedub's avatar

infant seal blood. Their eyes spoke

Randy's avatar

of the painful beatings they had

peedub's avatar

tried to forget by imbibing

Randy's avatar

gallons of hard liquor. The penguins

TennesseeTeacake's avatar

shrieked at peedub who had forgotten

wildflower's avatar

to replace his bear head with

peedub's avatar

his yellowed thinking cap. He swore

wildflower's avatar

like a pirate at the penguins…

Randy's avatar

who swore back. Peedub picked up

peedub's avatar

his Aleutian Javelin and sack of

Randy's avatar

onions and ran because he knew

AstroChuck's avatar

only the bat guano could possibly

Randy's avatar

save him. Then he was robbed.

AstroChuck's avatar

His excited manhood was now beginning

Randy's avatar

to hurt because the thief took

wildflower's avatar

his shorts, without removing his pants

Randy's avatar

or shoes. Peedud walked sadly across

wildflower's avatar

the penguin mass and passed out.

AstroChuck's avatar

He awoke to find the alpha-male

peedub's avatar

man-whale performing what looked like

wildflower's avatar

an alien autopsy…

Randy's avatar

on the red power ranger. He

wildflower's avatar

was still wearing his mask, but

TheHaight's avatar

was nude everywere else

peedub's avatar

and cold. It was obvious because

wildflower's avatar

He was purple, not red as

Randy's avatar

the blood that sat in a

TheHaight's avatar

Rotten, maggot filled tub of

Randy's avatar

boiling butter. Peedub decide to enlist

wildflower's avatar

and joined the beaked alien brigade

Randy's avatar

where they made fun of his

TheHaight's avatar

Fluther friend randy

peedub's avatar

a polyglot from the arctic, who

TheHaight's avatar

enjoyed eating infant polar bears

Randy's avatar

straight from the womb. The two

peedub's avatar

sauces he brought for such occasions

Randy's avatar

were A1 steak sauce and hot

peedub's avatar

Jamaican stuff from Donny the Rasta,

TheHaight's avatar

“Yum, may I join you??” said:

Randy's avatar

Peedub, to which randy replied “Sure,

peedub's avatar

come hither, taste pure fire. “OH

TheHaight's avatar

NO! Randy’s eating me! You CANNIBAL..

Randy's avatar

BASTARD! Die you flesh eating, dirty

wildflower's avatar

rotten scoundrel. You’re not getting my

peedub's avatar

candy corn teeth, or my

Randy's avatar

super stretchy octopus arms!” yelled peedub

peedub's avatar

as he fainted.

Randy's avatar

Ben, Andrew and Eric happend along

TheHaight's avatar

and banned Peedub and Randy from..

wildflower's avatar

stealing their bunny suits

Randy's avatar

made of gold. A war erupted

richardhenry's avatar

which made my ear hernia worse.

Randy's avatar

As the battles and hernia raged,

psyla's avatar

a penguin drinking whiskey squawked loudly

richardhenry's avatar

The iPhone version of the site needs a ‘skip to latest post’ link, my scrolling finger kills.

richardhenry's avatar

startling the friendly fisherman.

psyla's avatar

I gave my Scalmari to a

Randy's avatar

local passer-by on a tricycle. The

peedub's avatar

silly clown face, sporting a unitard

BadMotherFluther's avatar

laughed. As he went past into

wildflower's avatar

a giant block of cheese, that

BadMotherFluther's avatar

was past it’s sell by date.

wildflower's avatar

Luckily he was French and happily

BadMotherFluther's avatar

made good use of the cheese

65Stang's avatar

he made some very delicious

peedub's avatar

tartlets, dusted with the finest

BadMotherFluther's avatar

dandruff, but he over did the

65Stang's avatar

recipe. Now he has to

wildflower's avatar

lower the price, otherwise the gremlins

65Stang's avatar

who are the only customers, cannot

peedub's avatar

play their reindeer munching games or

wildflower's avatar

practice their clog dancing, the pride..

65Stang's avatar

gremlins set out to

BadMotherFluther's avatar

cause trouble, but little do they

Randy's avatar

know, a fish with purple hair

BadMotherFluther's avatar

who can’t swim.

65Stang's avatar

flew up into his face

BadMotherFluther's avatar

spat in he’s eye, and bit

65Stang's avatar

the beak off of

richardhenry's avatar

all of the aliens (and birds).

BadMotherFluther's avatar

Someone had to put a stop

richardhenry's avatar

to all of this madness, so using

AstroChuck's avatar

the carefully hidden stilletto he had

65Stang's avatar

killed the last of the

robmandu's avatar

royal line of that mighty race.

whatthefluther's avatar

But wait, was this a dream?

robmandu's avatar

No, it was all too real.

wildflower's avatar

almost surreal, except for this feeling

robmandu's avatar

of… what? Is it rapture(1) ?

paulc's avatar

The weight of my plaid pants?

whatthefluther's avatar

or the alien beak up my

AstroChuck's avatar

sweaty, steamy back. But would she

whatthefluther's avatar

allow me to touch

robmandu's avatar

her? No! She insisted that I

richardhenry's avatar

rub her instead.

robmandu's avatar

So, after oiling myself up, I

richardhenry's avatar

watched Donnie Darko on the television.

robmandu's avatar

“Ah, that Donnie,” I thought, “he

peedub's avatar

always finds the cellar door, but

robmandu's avatar

he can’t please a woman like

peedub's avatar

robmbandu can do. He was able

AstroChuck's avatar

bodily, but with a feebe mind.

robmandu's avatar

Too bad.” Moving on, I then

peedub's avatar

took a cliff diving seminar in

richmarshall's avatar

New Guinea utilizing modern rappelling equipment.

AstroChuck's avatar

Hoping desperately that my vertigo wouldn’t

peedub's avatar

force me to do that one

wildflower's avatar

-and-a-half somersault before vomiting

peedub's avatar

red, bruised fruit Jello and

wildflower's avatar

semi digested whiskey soaked squid pieces.

paulc's avatar

Not that I don’t enjoy a

peedub's avatar

rummy cake, but I typically gravitate

AstroChuck's avatar

toward prepubescent aquatic fowl. Of course

TennesseeTeacake's avatar

, that is, until my mother shows

AstroChuck's avatar

what it truly means to be

peedub's avatar

an ovulating man child, born of

AstroChuck's avatar

Satan’s seed. But that was another

eambos's avatar

story for another day. He learned

richardhenry's avatar

nothing by cheating the banker.

robmandu's avatar

Where was I? Oh yes,

johnnyc299's avatar

putting on my trousers looking down

eambos's avatar

at a strange object protruding

peedub's avatar

from my lycra saddle riders, as

robmandu's avatar

my foot emerged, hitting the whiskey

TennesseeTeacake's avatar

bottle and spilling the liquor all

wildflower's avatar

over the tulips that I had

robmandu's avatar

thrown up on last nite. So

65Stang's avatar

I buried it with my wife’s (I’m not married btw)

eambos's avatar

ex and a snippet of

peedub's avatar

a note explaining my bachelordom and

eambos's avatar

a beaked alien fish named sally.

robmandu's avatar

“Sheesh,” I said, and proceeded to

TennesseeTeacake's avatar

peel sally’s scales off and break

robmandu's avatar

out the Dizzy Gillespie music. Then

peedub's avatar

a fleet of crabs from the

eambos's avatar

papichula galaxy began to

peedub's avatar

stutter, but why

robmandu's avatar

hardy ha ha ha ha… wha…?

eambos's avatar

were their ships made of lindberger cheese?

I’m not sure if robmandu’s thing is related…

BadMotherFluther's avatar

Maybe, I was more worried about

eambos's avatar

the horrible stench arising from

peedub's avatar

my taint basket. So I

eambos's avatar

the corosion from my

peedub's avatar

handy dandy terminals and shouted: ”

TheHaight's avatar

“the hills are alive with the…

peedub's avatar

pole cats, polemics, and pre-

65Stang's avatar

historic beaked fish and tigers

Randy's avatar

, that once loomed across the great

robmandu's avatar

open highways of the nordic plains.

65Stang's avatar

and ate nothing but

peedub's avatar

men who foolhardily raise toasts to

robmandu's avatar

themselves. The fools! Didn’t they understand

peedub's avatar

corporeal punishment would soon follow?

Randy's avatar

As it turned out, they were

65Stang's avatar

treated to royalty by the king

Randy's avatar

of the road, who just so

peedub's avatar

he could make them flay knights.

sccrowell's avatar

He also was knitting them some

Randy's avatar

little pink booties for their Easter

sccrowell's avatar

Bonnets that Erik, had previously

peedub's avatar

made into tattoo patterns. They resembled

sccrowell's avatar

Andrew, our beloved moderator(sp).

peedub's avatar

His forehead and eyes were

whatthefluther's avatar

glazed over from all the

peedub's avatar

sleepless hours spent monitoring the every

AstroChuck's avatar

day coconut-headed window lickers who

peedub's avatar

say “Oh look at us, we

AstroChuck's avatar

represent the lollipop guild.”
Meanwhile, unbeknownst

peedub's avatar

to the hot heads, were 48

AstroChuck's avatar

banana boats, drenched in the vilest

65Stang's avatar

banana juice ever known to man

yannick's avatar

. The juice glistened in the midday

whatthefluther's avatar

sun. So beautiful, yet reeked of

robmandu's avatar

brine. Sailing those were the Intrepid

AstroChuck's avatar

tree penquins who once populated the

65Stang's avatar

great wilderness who have travelled far

robmandu's avatar

only to find that their birthplace

whatthefluther's avatar

has been inhabited by drunken

robmandu's avatar

Scalmari-swilling nimrods. Meanwhile, across the

65Stang's avatar

ocean, horned birds

AstroChuck's avatar

gobbled huge volumes of gollum, liberally

robmandu's avatar

killing themselves. So what did I

richardhenry's avatar

learn from this? Nothing.

richardhenry's avatar

I think I’ll actually publish this as a non-profit book once it’s finished. Both PDF and printed versions.

peedub's avatar

That’s a great idea

peedub's avatar

I didn’t even take away any

richardhenry's avatar

large or small

whatthefluther's avatar

alien beak souvenirs.

richardhenry's avatar

This was a particular shame, as

whatthefluther's avatar

I had grown rather fond of

AstroChuck's avatar

the taste of penquin bile. Furthermore,

richardhenry's avatar

to the further to the more,

BadMotherFluther's avatar

that is the question.

peedub's avatar

Not an everyday question but a

Randy's avatar

non every day question, based upon

wildflower's avatar

hallucinations and loose associations generated by

peedub's avatar

super computers and high-paced jet

Randy's avatar

machines that were built for use

wildflower's avatar

by beaked alien penguins. The answer

Randy's avatar

could not be found anywhere in

peedub's avatar

in this dimension. We had to

whatthefluther's avatar

do the Time Warp again!

peedub's avatar

Next, it was the MInd Warp!

whatthefluther's avatar

or was it a brain fart?

Randy's avatar

Now I remember! It was the

peedub's avatar

synapse known as “El Dud,” or

Randy's avatar

“The Dud”. That was the only

peedub's avatar

a play name. Really there was

Randy's avatar

six microscopic placentapeeds that would infest

whatthefluther's avatar

the very core of my brain

Randy's avatar

and make me wonder how much

AstroChuck's avatar

more of this story I could

whatthefluther's avatar

handle, without completely losing my

Randy's avatar

potato chips. When I misplace them,

whatthefluther's avatar

I am as good as

65Stang's avatar

a dissoriented horned bird

peedub's avatar

wrapped in a discarded Mad Libs

Randy's avatar

box, filled with cottage cheese and

TheHaight's avatar

burnt hair mixed with fingernails.

Randy's avatar

The smell was disgusting and caused

TheHaight's avatar

randy and peedub to fart

Randy's avatar

which made the smell even worse!

AstroChuck's avatar

The sun-dried monkey meat could have

Randy's avatar

been tasty if the chef prepared

peedub's avatar

it with pine nuts, but old

AstroChuck's avatar

habits prevailed and poached penquin was

peedub's avatar

sent through unnecessary tribulations. We waited

AstroChuck's avatar

,twitling our nicotine stained digits, while

peedub's avatar

the old crows stared ominously. Fiery

Randy's avatar

inferno was my passion at the

peedub's avatar

cavity space known as my heart.

Randy's avatar

I tried to make sense of

peedub's avatar

senseless hatred, the misguided fantasies, and

yannick's avatar

My right nipple. Unfortunately, however, I

peedub's avatar

had alternating teets for the chewing

Randy's avatar

of bone and other hard materials.

peedub's avatar

Oh sinew…my true love, when

Randy's avatar

you return from your long voyage,

peedub's avatar

I will consume your fibrous attitude

Randy's avatar

with the passion of a thousand

yannick's avatar

large, erect members, pulsating with undying

peedub's avatar

undulation. Beats in sync, they

richardhenry's avatar

Is this almost done? I’ll compile and publish it when it’s finished.

richardhenry's avatar

rolled into the sunset.

richardhenry's avatar

Sweet. I’ll do it tomorrow then. Oh, and “can the Fluther collective write a coherent story?” Only if the reader is absolutely mental. Also, shall I call it “A Coherent Story Written on Fluther.com”?

Randy's avatar

The end of chapter I…...

Randy's avatar

Yes, only the tip! lol. Peedub, you with me, sir?

wildflower's avatar

And here I thought the Icelandic Sagas were long and at times hard to follow…...have a whole new perspective now.

Randy's avatar

Hahaha! Wildflower, you are GREAT!

richardhenry's avatar

I’m about a quarter of the way through compiling this. :)

wildflower's avatar

busy Sunday for you….you should get a reward for doing it!

richardhenry's avatar

I’ve finished writing it (I retyped the whole f-ing thing). I’ll sort out a cover and printer now.

wildflower's avatar

Seriously, you deserve a f-ing medal for that! Can’t wait to see it :)

richardhenry's avatar

It’s worth it, this is amazing.

AstroChuck's avatar

What do you title it? “Beaked Aliens, Tree Penquins, and Whiskey (A Collective Nordic Love Story)”
An epic story needs a good, long title.

peedub's avatar

RH, you’re the man.

richardhenry's avatar

How many individual people took part in this? Can anyone be bothered to count? Cover is done, I’m proofreading now. Adding in little bits to make you know, actual sentences. :)

peedub's avatar

Lemmie do one count

richardhenry's avatar

Paperback perfect-bound printed copy will cost £3.00, or $5/6 USD. You’ll be able to order it through Lulu, I’ll give links. PDF version will be free. Each copy generates 5p (about 10 cents) for Cancer Research UK. Shipping local to quite a few countries, so delivery should be good too… I’ll post more when I’ve finished up publishing.

peedub's avatar

I got 33.

peedub's avatar

I’d totally buy a copy

richardhenry's avatar

I would definitely buy the audio tape version.

wildflower's avatar

Any thoughts on the movie rights?

peedub's avatar

My granny will do a reading. She’s good at that kind of stuff

richardhenry's avatar

Publishing under “Science Fiction & Fantasy”. Probably the most appropriate.

TheHaight's avatar

rh, you’re awesome. :D

AstroChuck's avatar

Well done, old bean.

sccrowell's avatar

Actually, i think everyone who took part in This “Collective Story” is awesome! I will admit it has kept me iPhone bound so as not to miss a single word! I must congratulate you all!!! The mental images I had in my mind at the outlandish discription, had me laughing out loud ” mind you, I’m supposed to be working.”

psyla's avatar

richardhenry, you’re the Big Mac! I’m just a little french fry. If you want to add my name and website to the book you can. Name: Psyla. Website: psyla.com (It redirects to my Dream Abyss). Thanks richardhenry, you’re the man! Love the charity donation part of it, outstanding job everyone!

AstroChuck's avatar

Epilogue – Just wanted the last word.
(I never get it at home.)

redsgirl4eva's avatar

Lol so weird but funny too.

Zen's avatar

So let’s start a new one.

robmandu's avatar

Been there. Done that. Got the t-shirt.

AstroChuck's avatar

her silky white bosom, billowing to

What? We’ve finished? Nevermind then.

whatthefluther's avatar

hey AC….maybe it’s time to start a new one?

richardhenry's avatar

A private new one. That only you can read. Naked.

Clair's avatar

So when’s Chapter 2 up?

Allie's avatar

Another new story will mean that FF crashes again.

jackm's avatar

I vote for starting a new story.

AstroChuck's avatar

Eh. Sequels are seldom as good as their predecessor.

jackm's avatar

@AstroChuck
LOTR Two Towers
Godfather II
Star Wars Empire Strikes Back

Darwin's avatar

What about a prequel instead?

cyndyh's avatar

All your home vacuum sealing needs

erichw1504's avatar

can provide you with a life long supply of

cyndyh's avatar

sealed and fresh foods and non-foods

erichw1504's avatar

that will make your intestines bleed and your

cyndyh's avatar

brain unable to count to six

:^>

richardhenry's avatar

@AstroChuck I read “sequels” as “squirrels” and was a bit confused.

AstroChuck's avatar

That applies as well. Proto-squirrels were much better than the present day variety, IMHO.

kewlguy_exABuser's avatar

that was just freaking awesome!!! judos to all who participated, which I was then to get into that thread -day late and a doillar short!

AstroChuck's avatar

Judos? Please don’t kick me. I’d prefer kudos, thank you.

kewlguy_exABuser's avatar

@AstroChuck sorry about that – mind was going faster than the fingers

Fred931's avatar

I feel so left out after visiting johnpowell’s unofficial wiki and seeing all the epic questions for the first time. I just hope I’m here for the next one.

Arp's avatar

I wish I was part of this :*(

Pseudonym's avatar

I want a new one! I wish I was part of this.

Fred931's avatar

@Pseudonym THERE IS A NEW ONE! You must’ve been gone awhile. 0.o

MilkyWay's avatar

Hmm, is there anyone observing still?

Answer this question

Login

or

Join

to answer.

This question is in the General Section. Responses must be helpful and on-topic.

Your answer will be saved while you login or join.

Have a question? Ask Fluther!

What do you know more about?
or
Knowledge Networking @ Fluther