What was it like for you when you found out you were going to become a parent?

Nerve-wracking.

Parenting is one of those experiences that’s different for everyone; no one can explain it in a way that truly communicates its impact and effect on one’s life.

When my wife and I tried to have our first child, we were very lucky and she conceived without any difficulties or delays.
Almost universally, people would say “it is going to change your life” and I interpreted that to mean no more late night movies, no more going out to dinner, and constant staying home with the kid and the wife and the tube but I missed the point completely.

The change was instantaneous and it occurred just after delivery when I held her for the first time, my own child, my daughter. The change also came with the realization that my life was no longer just my own. I was now suddenly responsible for her life, her well-being, her growth, her place in the world, and that has not changed one bit even though she is almost 24 years old.

The absolute unadulterated love comes later, at four months, six months, maybe, but the full weight of what you are up against hits you immediately after birth.

And it happened the same way with the other two.

srm

STM is exactly spot on. I have 4 kids (a set of twins) so I consider myself pretty seasoned, even though I am still in my mid 20’s!
That second you hold your own, brand new baby, fresh as can be, you comprehend what has just occurred and you understand your no longer Mr. Whatever, your now someones dad…and that you just gained a new job that will last a lifetime. Awesome news brother and congratulations. Take care…

Mine is just coming any day now – boy or girl unknown!

I’m finding it quite exciting and also worrying now but I really have no idea still what is about to happen even after reading up a lot.

Everyone says it will change your life but as the answer above says, it is in ways that you can’t grasp until it happens : )

Good luck with yours!

First of all… CONGRATULATIONS!!!

As for me, I was terrified…
I had just started Grad school that same week that I discovered that I was pregnant (despite being on the pill). Both his father and I had abusive childhoods, and I did not want to continue the legacy of dysfunction and low-self esteem. His father was an active alcoholic, and continually promised to quit, but never did.

As everyone has said, the weight of the responsibility is the main thing to hit you. You hold this tiny, helpless bundle of potential in your hands… what will he/she become? I remember crying and praying that I didn’t screw him up the way my parents had me. Part of that was probably post-natal depression, too; but it was very real.

This being will be the center of your universe, and as someone once told me, it’s like you are looking at your heart beating outside of your body – so vulnerable. You want to give the child everything you always wanted, you want your kid to have a better life that you did. You hate to see them hurt or sad. It can break your heart.

BUT… learning how to handle challenges and adversity are an important part of life, so it is vital to know when to step back and allow the child to fend for him/herself (appropriate to the age/developmental stage, of course). I view parenting as a progressive practice of letting go in steps. As each child develops the skills to handle certain responsibilities, you give them a little more reign; and if the try to pull away too quickly, you reel them in a little until they show that they are truly ready for the next step.

The hardest thing I had to do as a parent was to divorce his father, and eventually deny visitation. As I said, he never stopped drinking, and it was taking its toll on me and my son, to the point that when he was 4, his day-care provider called to ask me why he was acting depressed. I knew that I had to put my son’s best interests above everything and everyone else, including myself and his father. I told his father to quit drinking or leave.

My son didn’t understand, and I was the bad guy for a number of years, until I felt he was finally ready to hear that it was his father’s choice to keep drinking rather than being a part of his life. I tried to explain how all the years of alcohol had changed his father’s ability to make decisions; because his father adored him, but was unable to overcome his own self-loathing to fight the addiction. But how do you explain addiction to a 6-year-old, when most adults don’t really understand it? Ultimately, the disease took his father’s life when our son had just started 2nd grade…

He’s nearly 17 now, and we are incredibly close. I know that the difficulties he’s faced still hurt him at times, but he is the first one to say that he is a stronger person and more mature than most of his peers for having been through that and other struggles we’ve faced. Like most kids his age, he is feeling very uncertain about his future and what he wants to do; but I am confident that regardless what he chooses, he will be OK.

Parenting is the most challenging and most rewarding job in the universe.