What happens when you grow apart?
Recently, I’ve found that conversations between me and someone I grew up with require a lot of effort. In fact, we basically have nothing to talk about anymore and we couldn’t be more on a separate page in life and perspective (even though we’re close in age). I think it may have always been that way, but we could always find something to talk about… now it’s just… nothing. It feels awkward and forced. Is it possible for one person in a relationship to change so much? (I think I have changed.)
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You should re-evaluate the relationship and be okay with having moved apart. There is nothing wrong with that or with feeling nostalgic thoughts.
And as people change and grow, these things are bound to happen. I just reconnected with my childhood best friend after many years of following different paths, and I found we are still friends. Life is funny like that.
In this situation, the question to me is whether to discuss the ending of the relationship formally, of just let it slide off the cliff into the ocean.
People change. It’s no one’s fault. People grow apart over time. It happens all the time.
Still, you do have a shared history. You may reconnect some time in the future, but until then, just remaining Facebook friends is probably enough.
Should you discuss it and acknowledge it? Are you the kind of person who is upfront and willing to tell people things that may hurt them? Or are you the kind who would prefer to let the slip-sliding away continue without formal acknowledgement? And what about the other person? Will they keep on trying to meet up, or will they understand the message your silence conveys?
Some friends are for a reason. They are present in your life because of something specific, and when the need is fulfilled the friend has done their job and it’s time to move on.
Some friends are for a season. A part of your life, and as you grow and change, and so do they, it’s natural for the friendship to wane.
Only a very, very few people are friends for ever, and many people never have this sort of friend in their life.
If I was in this position I would put it down to “friend for a season”. Keep in touch by all means, if you both want to. I suspect your friend feels as uncomfortable about the awkward silences as you do.
Oh boy, I went through this same situation. A girlfriend I had gone to school with from kindergarten to a senior in high school. I had not seen her in over twenty years and we hashed over the good old days. I discovered she had become very ill and had no one to care for her. I took her in, every day she started with the same joke from 1955 by evening she was on 1967. The next day she started all over again, the best part of her life was school and each day she talked about it. I tried to get her interested in currant events she would just start in with our class cheer. It was a struggle to be cheerful and not shake her and say it is 2005 snap out of it. we were friends thirty years ago, she died, and i am grateful I was patient and smiled each time she opened the photo album.
That happens. It’s basically what happened between me and my first wife, although we were on different sheets of music right from the start. That ended in divorce.
I would imagine that you and your friend will drift slowly apart, seeing less and less of each other, until maybe all that is left is the yearly Christmas card or something.
it’s so gradual, by the time you realize it, too late!
A lot less sex, for one thing.
It is espedcially possible for it to happen with friends from early childhood. You do a lot of changing and growing in your late teens and early 20s. It is especially likely if one of you went away and the other one stayed at home.
It is OK to have some people move out of your life. Just gradually start calling less.
Yes, it happens and it is natural.
I just let go of a 15–16 yr. friendship and biz. partner of the past 4 years a few weeks ago as there was just not enough to sustain a relationship anymore.
While I have empathy for her issues they were playing out on me too much this past year and it was time to go our separate ways.
We had morphed into vastly different levels of maturity and growth and her emotional problems were becoming toxic for me.
I agree that everyone and everything comes into our lives for a reason and a season, when that season is up it is best to let go.
Enjoy your memories of the good times but free everyone to their own path. ;-)
Friendships are fascinating. They can sink like a stone or withstand the test of time and pop up like a buoyant cork at any given time.
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