What is your favorite insulting phrase?
Asked by
Blueroses (
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October 14th, 2010
I often read insults that make me laugh and I make a note to adopt them for my own. Over the years, I’ve fallen in love with “fucktard”, “asshat (or French asschapeaux) and “Go wag your ears and bray in another direction” (you ass). What phrases have given you giggle-fits?
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65 Answers
Your birth certificate is an apology from the condom factory.
You amoeba! (John Barrymore in Twentieth Century)
Your mother smelt of elderberries!
“Ask me if I care.” Is that insulting? maybe not. Just rude.
I really don’t like to insult anyone. Am I Paris Hilton or Einstein? Nah; I’m more into rudeness. LOL
If you were twice as smart, you’d still be stupid.
“You rotten gazebo” – a friend’s senile grandmother used to call people that.
”You’re so ugly I bet your mama fed you with a catapult!”
See you next tuesday.
The lights are flashing, the gates are down
But the train just isn’t coming…
I’m not sure if I’m allowed to say mine on Fluther…
I confess I also use “asshat” a lot, also “douchemaster”.
“Asshoooooooole” (think Kevin Kline in “A Fish Called Wanda”)
You’re so ugly, when your mom dropped you off at school she got fined for littering.
From the obscure department:
“Will Rogers never met you, did he?”
@diavolobella I use asshoooooole often also.
and from the same film, “I’ve worn dresses with higher IQs”
“Put your brain in hummingbird and it would fly backwards and suck a mule’s ass for a morning glory!”
Oh & who can forget this timeless classic : The best part of you ran down the crack of your Mama’s arse & ended up as a brown stain on the mattress. So romantic :¬)
“You look like you put on your makeup with a hatchet.”
Many years ago, when I was in college, my boyfriend at the time called some crazy rude woman “a biscuit-backed, skillet-head whore.” I stood openmouthed in amazement.
Is that your face or did you neck throw up?
(to a man wearing shorts) Are those your legs or are you riding a chicken?
I fart in your general direction.
Douchebag, F you, C*nt, I can go on but most of my insults are so horrible towards my enemies that they can’t even appear in porns.
Your mother’s a hamster, and your father smells of elderberries! Now go away before I taunt you a second time!
I’ll have you know that I saved your life the other day. You want to know how? Well I killed a poo eating dog. Or I stuck up for you the other day. You want to know how? Well my friend said that you loved poo sandwiches and I said that you didn’t like bread.
Also someone asked me what the difference was between you and a bucket of crap and I said the bucket.
I say, would you mind awfully leaving my field of vision. You filthy bounder. There’s a good chap.
@Blueroses If you said that to me, it would be one hairy chicken!
I could eat a bowl of alphabet soup and sh*t a better response than that.
If someone says something about your mother just say. I didn’t have a mother me and my dad shared yours.
When you were born the Doctor slapped your mother. Or did you know that when you were born they threw away the kid and kept the afterbirth.
It’s more of a guy’s insult, but I always find it funny when someone calls a guy an a** or something similar and he responds with “That’s not what your Mom said last night.”
Did you know that you have Zackary disease? What is Zackary disease? It is where your face looks Zackary like your butt.
You’re in big trouble though, pal. I eat pieces of shit like you for breakfast!
You eat pieces of shit for breakfast?
@JustmeAman I’ll bet your memory is so good. You remember going to Prom with your dad and going home with your mom.
@Blueroses I didn’t have a mom me and my dad shared yours.
@diavolobella Always reminds me of Garden State “You’re not a knight. You’re a fast food knight”
LOL How about you ask someone “Do you have any nude pictures of your wife?” When they say no you say “Do you want to buy some”?
wink, wink. nudge, nudge. Is your wife a go-er, eh? Does she go, eh?
Why do you want to buy some? wink
I love to tell people to “get fucked.”
Mitch Hedberg: “Fuck off. I’m sorry, that was rude. Fuck back on!”
Your so ugly, your moma had to tie pork chops around your neck to get the dogs to play with you.
Oblate Spheroid (fat person)
This is not an insult but it is one of my favorite phrases of ALL time.
You got to piss with the pecker you got!
Lmao @ ‘ass chapeux’. I’m also fond of your mother jokes.
Steel Magnolias: “he’s so confused, he don’t know whether to scratch his watch or wind his butt.”
My brother was getting bullied in school by a kid half his size. The kid came up and kicked him and said, ‘Ha you can’t do anything cause your dad is a preacher.’
My brother responded by putting his hands on his hips and saying. ‘I am a momma’s boy, nnd my momma ain’t no preacher!! He never had any more trouble with that kid.
I ignore people I really want to insult. Cursing is meaningless. Words… just words. But silence…
“You copulating male offspring of an unwed female dog!”
I would expect nothing else from @zen_. Silence speaks a thousand words.
“Go fuck yourself” is my favorite. It’s very powerful, rude, and insulting. I love it. :D
We all know that you’re really a 500 lbs man who lives in his mother’s basement.
@mama_cakes hey now. He still has feelings. – just hasn’t seen ‘em since tha last time he saw his toes-
You owe my dog fuck money.
Hey! I’m new here but isn’t “thank ***” ” brand new?
@HungryGuy Now that’s mean: a dog that isn’t married… wow. ~
;-)
your parents grow up in the same trailer?
Well, it would have to involve the word “smegma”.
One time, this girl who I hadn’t spoken to in years because I fucking hated her, that’s why felt the need to IM me to tell me who she was dating and, while I didn’t say it to her, I was very tempted to say something along the lines of:
“I don’t really care who’s plugging your cunt.”
It’s nasty and would have put her in her place, but I am a nice person.
I’m fond as “assclown” as a joke phrase.
“go handle your scandle”
“be safe, and if you can’t be safe, be sanitary”
You look like the north end of a south bound cow. Or alternatively, stick your head up a dead bear’s bum.
@zen_ – Lol.
Why’d you change your avatar again?
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