Kids and thong bikinis at a pool party, a bad mix or not?

I can’t really imagine a function where someone would feel these to be appropriate attire.. and children would be invited.
Reminds me of a family reunion many years ago. A distant cousin’s 2nd wife, who we had never met before, walked into my back yard wearing the tiniest bikini I’ve ever seen. I don’t know what they are called, but they have the two tiny strips of material that just cover the nipple, and the rest of the bikini is basically strings. Anyhow, at the time I had to be 13 or 14, but the oldest of the kids.. and I remember rallying the rest of the kids up and taking them inside because that bathing suit made me uncomfortable. One of them asked me why “that lady is naked.”

I don’t think I would bring kids along at all, at any age.

Too cold for that sort of thing up here.

I agree with @TheOnlyNeffie I don’t think those events are appropriate for kids of any age. On the other hand I (hope) I raised my daughter to not be ashamed or embarrassed by the human body, and had I been at a private party or family gathering with her as a child of any age, and someone turned up wearing a bikini like that, I certainly would not have kicked up a fuss or taken my daughter away just for that.

I don’t get why allowing your kids to see someone wearing a skimpy bikini is less acceptable than allowing them to watch all kinds of horrible violence. And yet I see this imbalance all the time.

Oh! @downtide you made a good point that I probably should clarify. At the time we did leave, but we were also all children. I would not remove my children now, necessarily. I just wouldn’t take them in the first place. On the other hand.. they are young boys, so I can’t say with 100% certainty that I wouldn’t. ;)

@TheOnlyNeffie I think it makes a difference if the children themselves say they’re uncomfortable about it. In the above situation if my daughter had told me she was uncomfortable about a woman wearing a skimpy bikini then maybe I would say or do something. But we were never in a situation like that so I couldn’t say. (Maybe I’ll ask her, next time I see her, if she would have been uncomfortable or not).

Really? This is an issue to worry about?

I don’t think it’s a big enough issue to leave, but I don’t want to hear any complaints when my toddler says “I see your butt” or gets those recently-weaned “ZOMG MILK!” eyes and grabby hands.

I think we cause more problems by making kids paranoid about nudity by making an issue of it.

Yeah…. making a fuss over exposed flesh is the issue I worry about more than some exposed flesh… but I’ve kind of adopted the Scandinavian attitude for things. At the end of the evenings, we take all our clothes off, men woman, kids and get in the sauna together, so what’s a butt cheek or two at a pool party?

What is more offensive, half naked or not, are women (or men) who flounce around at a party with overtly sexual intentions. If one of them happens to be in a thong or not… I’d ask the hostess to pull her/him a side and have a talk.

I wouldn’t pay it any attention and if my son made a comment about what the woman was wearing, I hope she’d have enough sense to realize that children don’t have the same filters that adults do (especially younger children). My son has seen some skimpy bikinis at the beach before and has asked why a woman was not covered up. I explained what a bikini was and that they came in a lot of different shapes and sized. He’s never expressed any kind of discomfort. Usually, he’ll notice it, then go back to what he was doing and forget all about it. I don’t think it’s something I should avoid letting him see just because it’s flesh. If he questions it, I’ll explain it.

Actually, I think I might be more worried if some of my buddies were there.

The key here is the combination of the provocative walk and the barely covered beautiful bod. If those folks were totally naked and sort of slouched around a table drinking beer and smoking cigarettes, the impact would be comletely different.

Anyway, we are all born that way. There is something sort of silly about people’s concerns about nudity.

On a side note, I liked the green sequined outfit. My vote for most appropriate, or least appropriate depending on who is looking

I don’t understand why people are so prude about this stuff. New flash, kids are going to grow up and see it anyway . . . and if they weren’t hidden from it as children, they’d probably be better equipped to handle it as adults!

Adults only. it’s bad enough that children see this on cable all the time, so why force this on your children in real life? as a child, i was forced to listen to country music. this is why i hate it today. this may be a good comparison to women in bikinis, but i think you get my point.

^ Actually, I don’t get your point at all, and I would love to hear it.

@john65pennington – Yeah, country music sucks almost as much as rap…

My first thought is that @HungryGuy Said it best. Nothing to add there. Then I began to wonder what the underlying issues were. Obviously there are the issues related to sexuality. There’s nudity. These are, of course, complex issues. There’s a kind of double think issue. What will other parents think about my parenting if I stay?

Finally, I think there’s am issue of aesthetics. Can these women cart it off? Somehow, I think this is the most pernicious issue. The fact that we even think about these things teaches our children more than we can be aware of. That’s what scares me.

hahaha…. @john65pennington

Seek, its like being forced to eat spinach as a child or any other food or anything you hated as a child. it carried on as an adult, simply because you were forced to endure it as a child.

@john65pennington I don’t think viewing nakedness falls in the same category. Perhaps listening to people judge and scorn will, though.

I would be really uncomfortable having my kid around people in bikinis like that. I’m pretty sure I would be uncomfortable just hanging around people in thong bikinis. I don’t want my kid thinking it’s acceptable to dress like that around other people, because I personally don’t believe it is.

I don’t understand – Your two points seem to contradict.

Do you carry on listening to Country music even though you hate it? or do you no longer eat vegetables because your Mama made you sit down and eat your spinach?

@Seek_Kolinahr I think he’s saying that his distaste for spinach has continued into adulthood because he was forced as a child to eat it against his will.

So by that logic, one would no longer care to see nearly nude women because they were exposed to them at a young age?

Considering the long history of our unclothed ancestors and the fact that human beings continue to exist today, I doubt that is the case.

@Seek_Kolinahr I think he’s saying that if kids are made to see girls in bikinis they’ll develop an aversion to them… like he did after having to listen to country music as a kid. His logic, is flawed.. as Spock would say.

I wouldn’t take my kids there because it’s not a swim party, it’s a sexualized fashion show. If the women wearing these suits and the people being titillated by them were in the mindset that “it’s just flesh”, “the body is nothing to be afraid of” and so on then there’d be no need for the flashy gets ups to go on the flesh.

If my family had been invited to @cazzie‘s place and everyone stripped down to take a sauna then I wouldn’t worry too much about what messages and ideas were being touted “by the flesh”.

@Neizvestnaya This was my thought too. I wouldn’t have taken my child to an event like the one in the OP video, but I wouldn’t have been bothered if friends or family were wearing the same bikinis at a family gathering. Context is everything.

In most places in the world, people dress mostly (or entirely) in skin to swim. That’s the most comfortable and makes the most sense. Insulating them from that just causes problems.

I didn’t watch those vids, I just assumed it was people at a party in bikinis… but those events are soooo stupid. In the first vid… I don’t know what the pretence is those tiny bits of material. completely stupid and those girls are there to be OGLED. no doubt about it. I would NOT have one of these events at my home.

@HungryGuy – What kind of problems does it cause?

Oh, come on. I’ve been taking my sons and grandsons to the Southern California beaches ever since they were infants. They have been exposed to every form of dress and undress – it didn’t hurt them a bit.

We have a pool in our back yard which is clothing optional, and have never had a problem or a complaint. I can’t believe people are taking issue with this.

@xxii – prudishness, fear of sex and intimacy, etc., etc.

@YARNLADY: I think going to a public beach or what is accepted at home is different than going to someone else’s home. You can’t control what’s at the public beach and so it’s assumed people are dressing by degrees for a number of reasons but at a home party then women in these types of swim outfits are clearly sexualized and not there to mingle with kids or to swim. I might have a party like that for my adult friends or whatever but not to expose my kids to the underlying sexual tension that is purposely meant by these displays.

I guess I don’t understand friends like that. The one rule we have a parties is every child must be supervised by an adult – one on one, no exceptions.

@downtide On the other hand I (hope) I raised my daughter to not be ashamed or embarrassed by the human body If it were your daughter who wanted to be in a bikini styled like that because many other gals at the swim party was, what would be the verdict?

I don’t get why allowing your kids to see someone wearing a skimpy bikini is less acceptable than allowing them to watch all kinds of horrible violence. IMO the US being much of its history a very pro gun nation violence by the gun was a regular part of TV; cowboys shooting Indians, soldiers shooting Germans or Japanese, and later shooting at the evil Commies. Shooting people has always been more palatable than sex even most seem sex crazy.

@cazzie but I’ve kind of adopted the Scandinavian attitude for things. At the end of the evenings, we take all our clothes off, men woman, kids and get in the sauna together I can feel a cold chill run through the area. I am sure many people would think the Scandinavians scandalous. It does seem rather silly when you consider here we use sex to sell just about everything, but you can’t see a naked breast in a TV commercial, even late night, but cable is OK.

@mrrich724 I don’t understand why people are so prude about this stuff. New flash, kids are going to grow up and see it anyway . . . and if they weren’t hidden from it as children, they’d probably be better equipped to handle it as adults! What is the youngest age you would take your child to a party where women and young gals were dressed like that? And would their be a different age for girls than boys?

@john65pennington it’s bad enough that children see this on cable all the time, so why force this on your children in real life? I guess that is why many feel what is the big whoop, they don’t care to stop kids from seeing worse on cable so, no biggie.

That’s not a party, that’s a media staging. I wouldn’t attend something like that, let alone bring children to it.

@BarnacleBill The question deals with if it was a private pool party but the gals wore bikinis of that style would it be OK to have young to younger children there and if so what age would it be OK? Not if it was some bikini promotion.

@Hypocrisy_Central If she was under the age of consent, then the verdict would of course be no, I would not let her wear one because she’s underage. Garments like that are for adults, not for children. I certainly would not have wanted photographs of her to get into a pedophile’s collection. Now, she’s 21 and if she wanted to wear a bikini like that I wouldn’t object. (Although she wouldn’t in any case because she’s not comfortable with showing off her body).

The gun thing, perhaps, although the UK is not a gun-toting nation and still violence is all over childrens’ TV here too. I think it’s wrong.

I agree with @HungryGuy and I really don’t see why some parents feel the need to protect their children from the human body. Sure, at such a young age, they don’t need to see certain ways that the naked human body can be used and enjoyed but simply seeing someone’s backside or boobs is not going to do them any harm at all. “Protecting” them from it could lead to insecurities in their own skin though.

@Hypocrisy_Central, I understand that the question is about a private party. And I reiterate, that I would not attend something like that. I’m pretty certain that I don’t own friends with swim attire like that; or are self-absorbed enough in their physical appearance to carry that off. I would not want children around people who are that tacky for a number of reasons, the the least of which has to do with showing the human body. We had a conversation about bathing attire when we took them to Argentina to visit family. They understood that in other cultures, normal is different. My daughter thought it was gross to want men you don’t know staring at you almost naked body, and grosser to want men you do know but aren’t married to staring at your naked body.

@Hypocrisy_Central

I think what would dictate me bringing them is not age, but other things like:

-Will it be a party other children are attending
-Will the other adults there mind if children attend
– Other factors like, will there be a keg/ people getting trashed. If so, it wouldn’t be the safest environment

Otherwise, I see it like this. There is a line, and children are on one side or the other. Either they “aren’t there yet” and they will be oblivious to the women, or they “are there,” in which case I’d rather them be exposed to it under my supervision than doing things like I was doing at 11 years old like sneaking off with my buddies into the abandoned boat, the cabin of which we store tons of porn…

And no, whether or not they are a boy or girl wouldn’t be a factor for me. I believe men and women are equal, and that idea (at least to me) doesn’t just “start” at some age that someone decided was correct. It starts at birth. Just like I treat my niece and nephew now, as equals…