Is there a simple way to deal with the persistent, "why-asking" 4 year old?

My three year old granddaughter is the same way. The only way I have found to stop the chain of whys is
1. Put the question back to them by asking why do You think?
2. Be sure not to answer the first question too deeply, they really want a simple answer, not the full text book answer. When you answer too specificly that leads to more whys.
Good luck!

Not a parent, but it was my job to distract my little brothers when they bothered my parents. I think that when the why-ing gets to be redundant kids generally just wants to be more involved in whatever’s going on. Try giving him jobs that will “help” you with what you’re working on. When one job gets boring, create another for him. Drawing, scavenger hunts, block sculptures, etc.. They are all “very important.”

I firmly believe that you try to answer as many of the why questions as possible and transfer the responsibility for some of ‘em to any other caretaker around. After all, they’ll never know you had something important to do, all they’ll remember is that you said (even if you didn’t say it) you’re too busy to answer their questions.

Dear, dear Doctor: the answer is no, and more importantly, you don’t want him to stop asking. Beware: tell him to be quiet once or twice – and he just might do that. Be careful what you wish for… you just might get it. But I empathize – it can be nerve-wracking. That’s what they invented TV for – a break.

Daddy, why is the sky blue? Uh, I dunno son. And how many fish are there in the sea? Uh, I dunno son. And how long until the next meteor shower? Uh, I dunno son. And why, in general, are viral infections systemic while the classic symptoms of a bacterial infection are localized redness, heat, swelling and pain; one of the hallmarks of a bacterial infection is local pain? Just kidding – you know that one. And how many galaxies are there and which is the furthest? I dunno son. But it’s a good thing you ask questions or you won’t learn anything.

:-)

Just answer them as before you know it they will have all the answers and simply stop asking you. They just want your attention is all and that will fade too, again before you know it.

At a certain point you may need to learn to say. Because I said so or ask me later.

Kids of three and four are realizing that cause and effect is enormously important in their lives. They want to work out not just the how, but the why about how things work. In many cases, the question may have been asked before, perhaps numerous times. They are just validating the cause and effect structure they are constructing in their brains. Enjoy their questions as much as you can, and when you don’t know the answer, show them how one can research the question. It won’t be long before they’ll be asking Google.

I heartily agree with @seazen. How many “why” questions were smothered among the once-eager young learners who now come here to have someone else do their homework for them?

Here are some of the right answers to the “why” questions:

“Well, son, I’ll tell you. It’s like this.”

“Let’s think about that. What reasons can you think of? What do you know about it? Is it like anything else you already understand?”

“I don’t know. Let’s look it up. I have a book about —- and we can read what it says.”

@seazen Written like a good Jewish parent. I once read that a Jewish mother does not ask her children if they paid attention in school, when they arrive home, she asks “did you ask any good questions today.” Something like that.

To those who are (gently) berating me for this Q with rather predictable replies, please stop. 99% of the time it is fine, and I enjoy it, but there are times when it just gets out of control and requires some sort of intervention (like when it has gone on for 30 minutes, non-stop).

I thought about what @Pandora said—about just saying “Because I told you so.”—and in my experience as an “uncle,” I’ve found it usually doesn’t work; in fact, it just widens the floodgates. I know it can be annoying constantly answering questions which to us might be silly, but isn’t it an adult’s responsibility to teach? And isn’t it unfair, even unkind, not to do so? As an adult, I know how hurtful it can feel to be dismissed, but I’ve learned how to deal with the negative feelings around that. But think about a child without those experiential resources.

Stopping.

I am wondering why some of the respondents seem to have missed the part of the question where it is stated they’re trying to concentrate on something. This is not a question about how not to answer a childs’ whys.

I have two children who asked questions incessantly for 4 years each. I can completely understand your frustration. There are some points when you just want some peace and quite.

When they were very young I could set a timer and they couldn’t ask any questions until the timer went off. When they got a bit bigger then I told them they needed to give me 15 minutes.

With my kids one question led to 15 others. They were often very interesting questions but there has to be a limit on what one person (mother) can take.

Even today, I am hard pressed to get 10 minutes of uninterrupted time and they are 15, 13 and 10.

Can you reason with him at that age? I don’t have kids. Tell him you will answer his questions when the little hand is on the 4 and the big hand is on the 12?

Here’s another:

“I’m usually happy to answer your questions, son, but right now I think it’s Mom’s turn. She’s in the living room. Why don’t you go ask her?”

@shilolo, I’m sorry if my answer struck you wrong. Your postscript included information that didn’t come through in your question. Two other things worth trying might be (a) “I’m going to write that down right here so I don’t forget it, and in a little while I’ll come and see you and we’ll talk about it.” and (b) “Here, honey, these are question tickets. Each ticket lets you ask me one question. When you’ve used them all up, you can’t ask me any more until I give you some new ones. Okay? Count them. Right, that’s four. That’s all you get for now while I’m busy.”

Story time. I remember when I was little my dad was writing his thesis for his PhD. He was sitting at the typewriter and I wanted to play, both my sister and I wanted to play, and my dad would tell us he couldn’t. Sometimes he was angry that we were disturbing him. Typically my mom would intercede. Sometimes I would distract my sister when she was really bugging him, but I assume you don’t have an older child to do that. So, I guess I am agreeing with @Jeruba in a way, put it on your wife. The thing is, I don’t know your wife’s situation. My mom was basically a stay at home mom when we were very little, so her role was more of the child caring, especially when my dad was working full time and getting his doctorate. In the end sometimes we simply did not get what we wanted, we were told, “no, I don’t have the time now.” Sometimes I was upset, sometimes I accepted it. My sister tended to be more upset about it than me. I did not really give you a good answer on how to deal with it, but it seems to me sometimes there is no perfect solution to these things.

Of course, there is always bribery. Promise him something if he leaves you alone?

Haha. I was this type of kid. I find that it’s better that children are more curious because then they find more productive things to do. Honestly, appreciate your kid spends more time asking rather than playig video games. Once your child grows older you lose more of that connection.

But as for your situation I totally understand because there’s always a limit yes? The reason why I always asked questions was because I was constantly bored and I really didn’t like taking things for grAnted. However, my parents always told me to find out myself. To go to the library (internet wasn’t the greatest idea at the time), and find out why. This helped so much I even learned more things that helped me in the future. Doing this helps them when they grow older and the need to be independent as well. :) but really…cherish it.

[mod says] Let’s stick to answering the actual question, please. Also, flame off… there’s no need to make this personal.

One way to deal with this kind of incessant questioning is to give pure, undivided attention for a period of time every day. This means, no phone calls or your personal computer time or anything else. It is all the child. It will be a time that your child can count on, know is coming, look forward to. Then, at other times, you have every right to say that you can’t answer right now because you are working. The child will understand that he is given his due, and that you also need to have the respect to do your work.

“I’m sorry sweetie, we’ll have to get back to question time when the buzzer sounds, I have to do this right now, and I can’t help you.”

say because… that’s what my father did…

Get him started on the inevitable lifelong addiction to sugar! Give him a very large lollipop and that will keep his mouth busy for a while.

It’s a sign that he’s extremely intelligent. He needs answers in combination with a challenging task that keeps him busy for a while:

Why… ? Because… ! How about you find out about…

As an example:

Give him a large map of the United States and ask him to find all rivers that flow into another river before they flow into the sea. Or all rivers that flow through at least 3 large cities.

be happy that he is curious – the phase will pass – just be patient and enjoy this time – let is pass naturally

Keep answering those questions no matter what. His curiosity should be encouraged and will pay off in the long run. There are enough idiots in the world, encourage the bright kids.

I was always honest with my son. He went through that stage when I was in nursing school. After answering questions for a bit, I told him “mommy would love to keep answering your questions, but right now I have to get my school work done”. Sometimes that would lead to me reading my book aloud so he could hear what I was reading and other times he would say ok and go play. Once I was done my work, I would be sure to spend time answering any questions he still had.

Wow – my daughter does the same thing – Mommy, what are you doing? I’m driving. Why? Because I have to get us where we’re going? Why?

@Austinlad My son was the same way. Yes you want to answer their questions. But it can be a double edge sword. I found my son got lazy and relied on me for all his answers instead of exploring. It took me longer to get him to kick the habit and learn to explore some on his own.
My daughter always had a billion questions just before bed time. Not because she really wanted to know the answers but rather as a bed time stall tactic.
And some things you don’t want to have to explain because they simply want a way out of a situation. Like, why can’t we go to Mcdonalds? Because I don’t want to go. But why don’t you want to go? Because I’m making dinner. But why? Because it is healthier. But why?
What they really are aiming for is to wear you down. So, I found, because I said so worked best in those situations. Say it enough times and they get the point.
It teaches them that you are firm in what you are saying and in charge of the situation.
Tell a kid to stay close to you because the world is a dangerous place and their are evil people in it will make them fear everything in a time that they should enjoy being a kid.
Not every question should be answered at any age. Some of the questions they may ask may come at a time that they aren’t ready for the real answer.
Yes, mommy and daddy can die in a car accident if they don’t have thier seatbelts on.
Yes, you can die.
Yes, bad people can break into your bedroom while you sleep.
Yes a really bad illness can kill anyone.

I always liked looking up the answers and sometimes doing experiments with my kids. Usually I did give one of the first three answers I proposed above. It depended on whether I knew the answer and whether I thought they were up to figuring it out for themselves. Often they were.

I don’t remember their ever doing it persistently to the point that I thought they were just pestering. But when I couldn’t give them my full attention I did invite them to consult their father. He was still answering my “why” questions (I haven’t run out yet, but since the advent of Google I don’t have to ask him quite so frequently). Often when I didn’t know, I would say “Go ask Daddy, and when he gives you the answer, come back and tell me what it was.”

Another slant on the same theme. Maybe tell him he gets 5 questions right now, and let him count on his hand and limit himself. Let him know he can ask more when you are done working.

When my daughter does it it’s almost always when I’m driving. I am unable at that time to get her puzzles or anything to distract her, and I am usually trying to concentrate. I try to answer the questions but last week I asked her “why why why why why?” and she said “mommy, stop. me no like the why why why.” I told her “why is it ok for you to say why but not for me to say why?”