Has a married person/friend ever invited you to sleep with them?

Step away from that situation. The whole ‘if nobody knows, nobody can get hurt’ is bs and a red flag – if you don’t feel comfortable with this little arrangement, do not have sex with him. If he has a ‘great relationship’ with his wife, why can’t he discuss these desires? Because he’s a cheating douche. I’ve never had a married friend ask me to have sex with them but I’ve asked others to join my husband and myself – it was completely different, though, because everyone is aware of my open marriage.

I must agree with @Simone_De_Beauvoir.

If you really like his wife you would consider her feelings first.
If he is truly a friend you would advise him to work on his marriage.
No good will come of this.
I think you see this as more his dilema than yours since you are not married. But you would be helping in destroying someones marriage. It always gets found out. Don’t think it doesn’t.
Even if he only wants a role in the hay, it will only confirm for him that it is ok to cheat so long as the wife doesn’t know. He will take more risk till he is found out and you’ll be stuck in the drama.
There are plenty of single guys who would be more than happy for a single night of sex with no strings. Why not go for obviously easy vise obvious complications.

I think that whether or not anyone else here has done what you are faced with is irrelevant. This is your life and what you do is your business and no one elses. I will say to think of what your life would be like doing what you are asking here or simply not getting involved at all. Will you be on your death bed saying…“damn I am so glad I did that or WTH was I thinking!!”

This is absolutely wrong, and you should tell your friend so. I would be completely disappointed in any friend who expressed serious sexual interest in me while he was with somebody else.

Infidelity is unforgivable, in my opinion. There is never a good reason to cheat on the person you’re with. Physical attraction is probably the worst of them.

I agree with @Simone_De_Beauvoir. If all parties aren’t privy to the details and the risks then don’t do it.

Your situation sounds very similar to a past situation of mine. He was a very good friend and we happened to be pretty close, but he soon began acting very affectionate toward me and then admitted that he had fallen in love. The problem was the fact that he was married, among other things, and I really liked and respected his wife. Granted, his marriage was relatively rocky, it was still no excuse to allow myself to sleep with a married man and possibly hurt a woman I really liked and that didn’t deserve it.
I tried my best to help him not feel these feelings because it was the only thing I could do aside from back away from the situation and I didn’t want to do that quite yet because I cared about him. We would even joke around about it and try to make ‘light’ of the situation by saying that I would turn into a raging bitch so he would stop liking me. Unfortunately, it got to the point where every time we saw each other he wanted to talk about how much he loved me and wanted to sleep with me and if I would compromise and mess around with him, but the bottom line is, he was married and I didn’t return the same feelings. He ended up really pushing me away because we couldn’t continue a normal friendship. I don’t see him very often anymore, but we do keep in touch via email and phone every once in a while. It was honestly for the best and while I do miss him as a friend, I don’t miss the stress and constant awkwardness it put me in. He even said my name during sex with his wife one time. I don’t even have much of a friendship with her any longer. Man, he really fucked it up a lot for all of us.

To be blunt, this guy you’re talking about has a wife that he should be sticking his dick inside of. Not you. His excuses for why it’s okay are bullshit and it makes me wonder how many other women he’s tried to pull the same shit on. Don’t fall for it. Respect his wife and respect yourself. You’re putting yourself in a situation to be the “other” woman and frankly, you seem a lot smarter than that. You already know that nothing good will come from it. He needs to talk to his wife about fulfilling his sexual needs. If he can’t, then he doesn’t really love her as much as he says he does if he’s willing to risk truly hurting and devastating her by sleeping with someone else. Don’t let him manipulate you. There are so many red flags in your details and I realize it can be hard to see them for yourself since you are directly involved and really like this guy as well, but now you are receiving some outside perspectives. You will truly be doing a lot for yourself and for his wife if you back away.

Good luck, hon.

You have to understand this is not something to discuss!
You sound like a good person, don’t sully it by sleeping with a married man! and he’s wrong, and wants to use you…. I’m sure your not the only one he’s asking…
take care.

The husband sounds like a ass. Sorry. If he was my friend I would lose respect for him. I would lose respect for myself if I even touched him.

When I was a teenager, I had a brief affair with a man who wasn’t married, but may as well have been… he was living with his girlfriend, the mother of his child. It felt awful, and I broke it off. I have also been asked to sleep with a married man. I almost said yes, because I had a huge crush on him. In the end, I didn’t do it. If your friend was in an open marriage, that would be different. Since he isn’t, do yourself (and his wife) a favor, and tell him “no”, in no uncertain terms.

Yes while i was single.

I laughed in his face and threatened to tell his gf

Sure. His new wife was a friend of mine. I ignored it. Couple more later, no way.

He wasn’t married. I had my friends fiancé hit on me and I told him the eff off. I told him I was not a sideline girl and I didn’t like him. I also told my friend and she believed him. I even gave her proof of the IMs he sent me, but she still didn’t believe me. I felt bad, but I chuckled when I found out they broke off due to him cheating with another person. I would say No, don’t do it. She is your friend and she should matter in the situation too.

How old are you? I ask that only because you sound naive in believing his justifications and reasonings behind his wanting to cheat. I also ask how old you are because it’s not unsual to find married men looking to cheat, but the way it seems like he had a flat out discussion about it with these stupid excuses makes me wonder if he was looking to take advantage of your youth (I am guessing you’re young, which is why i ask how old you are).

Yeah, more or less. Well if you include flashing her tits & attempting to suck my tonsils out in the equation. I politely declined…...she lived next door!

Your confusion about the situation is understandable. So let’s break down what you have shared with us:

An older friend of mine, well we have openly discussed that we are interested in each other—but due to different reasons (age, marital status, work etc) we know we can’t be “together.” This happens, and it isn’t limited to an older man and a younger woman. Both parties know it is wrong, yet the attraction is there.

In fact, both of us just want to keep it at a friendship level. My friend has expressed that he wants to sleep with me, but nothing more—he loves his wife, they are happy, and does not want a relationship. A friendship with someone of the opposite sex when at least one is in a committed relationship is acceptable. A “Friends with Benefits” scenario is a whole other matter, especially if the person’s spouse is not in the loop and in agreement. If he loves his wife and they are happy, why is looking to stray?

The problem I have with this is, I like his wife and I can’t help feeling that this is wrong. I am sure everyone would be devestated if she (or anyone else) were to find out. He’s said that if nobody knows nobody can get hurt. No one can say that every tryst that occurs is ever discovered and goes public, but we have all seen our fair share of it happening and how damaging it is. All parties involved get hurt. I’ve watched marriages end in divorce, friendships dissolve, and careers ruined over this.

I have asked him, “How would you feel if your wife was doing the same?” and he has said that he’d be upset too. Please…I beg you to go with your gut instinct on this, and just say ‘no’. He may be the older, but is not showing maturity nor respect for the parties involved. You will not regret it in the long run.

well first of all i am a male and i know what we men thinks. from what your friend saif “He’s said that if nobody knows nobody can get hurt.” that just a persuasion but due to you guys close friendship you probably complete blind to see that. i can say i aint stranger to these feeling. this is what i called it animal pleasures.

and overall why would you want to step into that mud pud. it could dirty your pride forever.
it just sex you know?

Don’t do it. He’s a hound.
Mixed status (married and single) does not work. One person always gets hurt.
Single and single is ok. Heck, even married and married is almost acceptable.
But, single and married? No way.

Kick him in the nuts for me.
Don’t let your kokoro rule. Use Jyoshiki.