How long does it take before you let something go/get over something?

my ex girlfriend is still not over me when we broke up she still thinks i love her when she broke my trust by cheating on me with another guy. And i can tell shes not over me because all her posts of facebook still says that shes sorry for what she did in some way.

@Jay484 im sorry to hear that, but are you over what she did? did you forgive? if so what was your reasoning for letting it go and if not what the reason for that as well

Typically, it is entirely your decision how upset you get and how long you allow yourself to be unhappy about what others do.

@Inked_up_chic its ok im over it and i have not forgave her yet becasue she won’t talk to me. ever time i see her in the hall she walks away from me. the reason for letting it go was i started dating my first girlfriend again and i had to get that out of my mind that she would not di the same thing as she did to me

@Dr_Lawrence i understand that, maybe i should have asked my question differently, but what im curious about is when you forgive some one whats going through your head about why your doing it. like i had a friend screw me over and leave me homeless in a state where she was the only person there that i knew with no money to get home all because her boyfriend wanted her to himself. i forgave her because i felt that one day she will see the mistake in that.

Or if you dont forgive and let go what is it you tell yourself on why your not or not going to.

It took me almost 4 years to get over my ex-wife sexually to the point where I stopped looking for her related qualities in the women that I made love with after she left.

It took me about 7 months to get over her emotionally.
That happened when she called me to say how much she missed talking to me.

I haven’t talked to her in about 16½ years.
She’s been in and out of mental health facilities since 1983.
I hope that someday there will be less debilitating therapies for her, so that one day she can have the same happiness that I do now. :)

Seven and a half minutes.

that’s also the amount of time i take to complete a bowel movement and intercourse

I’m able to forgive when I no longer feel threatened by repeated breaches of trust. For some people that’s as quick as a new focus of behavior that pans out and for others it’s been a series of years to disengage myself from my expectations of them.

It’s easiest, when there won’t be any further contact. When the future involves a lot of contact…it is hard, definitely hard. Little things bring the whole ugly thing up to the surface. For that reason, I’m not so sure about keeping a relationship when violation and misuse of trust and friendship has occurred.

I think that I’d rather lick my wounds and go on…to another part of the country and frame of mind. I would have been able to reflect on happier times. Hmmm. But, were there really any???

I make up my mind pretty much on the spot and will admit that tough decisions will linger for a day or two then it is off to bigger and better less problematic issues!

It depends on the person, how well I know the person. How much I trusted the person and on what it was exactly that they did. In 2 cases, it took decades, but they were supposedly “family”. Exes and former friends I’ve gotten over in time periods ranging from a few days to a couple of years. Strangers who step on my toe on the train, a couple of seconds. :D

Right, it is a case by case basis.

Maturity helps, well, if one is emotionally healthy to begin with. lol

We learn as we grow older and wiser that nothing is ever ‘personal’ and that we are not responsable for others actions, feelings, issues.

Pain happens, suffering is optional.

It gets easier to let go without drama, and just let the situation float away.

@Coloma

Kudos on the “suffering is optional” thought.
Why didn’t I think of that!!

I let petty things go immediately. If they played a sick joke, it would probably take me a day or two to get over it. I don’t hold things that often. If I do hold grudges, they don’t go away.

It depends.

In some cases, minutes; in others, decades. Just as an example, something happened 2½ years ago that I have been struggling to get past. The person is an extended family member, and there’s been a rocky history; I’ve already had to put in the effort of dealing with some other things that took years. I know that eventually I must come to terms with this one and that it’s all up to me; there’s never going to be any apology or amends. But I’m just not able yet to let it go. If I were wiser and more enlightened, it would probably be done by now, but I’m pretty much subject to those damned human limitations.

The number of influencing factors varies, but reasoning isn’t one of them. Reasoning would shorten the time; emotion would lengthen it.