Have you ever turned someone down who was clearly in love with you?

I’ve turned people down in the past and I don’t regret it. I don’t know if any of them were in love with me, but if they were, it wouldn’t have changed the situation in my opinion. If someone were to approach me now, they’d get turned down as well. I am happily married and don’t want anyone else.

This is probably a bad point to say that I have, and it is hilarious to watch their face go through dismay, shock, anger, resentment, depression, murder and finally settling on stoicism. :D

Yes, I am completely without emotion.

Yes, I have, more than once, and it was at least as painful as being rejected. Maybe more so. There are a few times when I have wondered how life would have gone if I had said yes to that one man . . . but the timing was all wrong. I don’t regret turning down any of the others, although I did feel sad about it.

Yes, unfortunately. He went into a two year long depression and breakdown…it was awful. I don’t regret it though. Staying with someone that loves you just for their sake would ultimately be the wrong thing to do on so many levels.

I remember ending a few “relationships”, but I don’t think any of them were actually “in love” with me. One guy really wouldn’t take my gentle words of breaking it off, so I had to get quite blunt and tell him I could never have a meaningful relationship with an octopus. It made me cringe to be so mean, but he wouldn’t back off otherwise.

Yes.They lived! ;)

I have, more than once, and I don’t regret it at all.

Request for clarification, @flutherother: are you asking about breaking off an existing relationship or declining to start a relationship with someone who declares he’s in love with you? I answered the latter.

Every day.

Yes, but it was in high school so it wasn’t that important. She wasn’t in love, she was infatuated. Telling her I wanted to move on still hurt. She literally (except for getting on her knees) begged me to stay with her which made it worse.

@Jeruba It could be breaking off an existing relationship or declining to start one. As long as the other person was deeply and sincerly in love with you.

yep… bad deal. Been on both ends of the stick….not fun.

Not a fun thing to do and yes I have felt bad but it had to be done. The woman took pills and nearly passed.

Yes a few times and no regrets. If I can’t reciprocate the love it is simply a gratuitous affair which is not for me.

Sometimes, I’ve had to turn down a relationship that I also wanted to be in. It was difficult not just for the reasons you might expect, but because all my life I’ve wanted women to love me. When I was depressed, I went through a lot of situations like that. Learning to say no to what I desperately wanted…. wasn’t easy.

But it didn’t always end badly. I got a couple of friendships—or maybe more like acquaintanceships—out of it.

I made a lot of problematic decisions over the last few years of my life. Learning to recognize my patterns and triggers has been difficult. But I became stronger. I’m still not sure I’d be strong enough to say no if it ever happened again, though. I’m still not used to being loved. Or to believing that I am loved.

Yes, and it hurt me worse than it hurt them.

I know that when one of my exes left me, it was because she loved me too much to ‘share me’ with my ex-husband. I don’t think either of us ever stopped loving each other. There were other people who were in love with me that I had to turn down. It was me who ended things with my ex-husband and it was me that ended things with my most recent ex and I knew each time that it was painful and that I was breaking hearts.

@chyna Don’t kid yourself. For some people, breaking up is one of the most painful things they’ve ever had to try to survive. Some don’t. Survive, I mean.

Turned them down for what? If you mean did we break up w/that kind of situation, yes , and I don’t regret it. I regret the manner in which I did it.

In that case I’ve done both. And I’ve been broken up with once or twice. Painful in all cases, but some much worse than others. However, I don’t regret doing it and I don’t regret the way I did it because I was as honest and kind as I could be and never, ever led anyone on or toyed with him. Sometimes I truly did not suspect how the person felt and could only say I was sorry, but I didn’t return the feelings and wasn’t going to change my mind. It was still very hard for me to do. In several cases it also meant losing someone I had valued as a friend.

If you love someone, set them free.

Edit: Eh. Deleted.

I turned down @wundayatta. It would have been a love that burned bright, but in the end it would have burned us both.

Dated a guy for about a year and he keep telling me how much he loved me. I never could reciprocate that I loved him because I didn’t. Finally just ended it and I really don’t regret it one bit. I could see he was abusive and I certainly did not want to be a part of that.

I’m about to. Hence why I’m on Fluther and procrastinating. I’ve been dating this guy for three months and I’m moving this weekend. Yesterday he confessed that he is in love with me. Tonight I’m going to tell him that there’s no way we can stay together once I move. Wish me luck!

No, but I have turned down people who were clearly in a strong form of lust for me.

Sadly yes.

Yes, and it was heart-breaking and freeing at the same time. Those were different times. I am glad that I made the decisions that I did, though. I found a diamond in the rough and am so blessed.

Yes but I have no regrets because I know myself, I have for a long time and that makes it easier to know if I’d be wasting someone’s time by fooling myself and hurting them by that. There is only one person in retrospect I see through different eyes now but at the time I could not return those feelings and if I had then I’d be a widow of several years already.

Yes I have and no I don’t regret it.

Yes I have, and it hurt them a lot more than it hurt me. I split up with them because they had fallen in love with me and I knew I could never reciprocate; it was the kindest thing to do.

Wise man you are @Blondesjon, but you gotta admit—it was a tough choice to make. If only we’d had asbestos gloves..

@wundayatta . . . it wasn’t my hands i was worried about.

Yes, love is a 2 way street