How does one divert from unwelcome and inconvenient episodes their brain has decided it wishes to embark upon?
Cordial salutations.
I feel it is necessary to construct a brief exordium apologising for the predestined horrendously worded and nonsensical nature of whatever writing sees fit to come to pass. Will be doing my best.
As is often the case, I am being presented with the constant desire to set on myself with an array of blunt objects and sharp implements, and it feels there is somebody in my mind (‘tis always the same unfavourable being, it seems I know her well) showing me images of all the strange acts of mutilation one could perform. This also entails ridiculous things I would never do, like eviscerating myself with kitchen knives and extracting an entire network of blood vessels. (Apologies for the unsightly carnage and bloodshed references.)
I’m refraining from any excessive bludgeoning yet after erratic aberrations of either an excessively maniacal or sadistic and blood lathered nature, it – for one – takes too long to return to normality, and secondly makes me guilty: I do not feel it is warranted for me to waste time over such matters.
Thus, I wish to enquire after methods you hold in your knowledge/ experience that diminish the said occurrences.
I thankyou, and apologise if I seem self absorbed and have a complete lack of regard for anyone else; it is that I don’t want to waste time battering – or chasing after – myself that I ask. :)
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10 Answers
I’m sorry to hear about what you are going through. I am not capable of giving you a diagnosis, but what you describe sounds like a form of OCD. Some people with OCD get recurring thoughts and “urges” to harm themselves (or others), although they would never actually commit the actions that they see in their minds. There is psychiatric treatment available for OCD. Whether you think it is OCD or not, I do strongly suggest that you seek help from a mental health professional.
I am an OCD person: ‘twas fairly inevitable considering the immediate gene pool.
The “gold standard” treatment for OCD is called Exposure and Response Prevention (or ERP). It usually involves some sort of mental “flooding” with the troublesome thoughts, with the goal of first raising your anxiety level and then allowing the anxiety level to go down, so as to become “habituated” to the thoughts. Book recommendation: Jonathan Grayson’s “Tormenting Thoughts and Secret Rituals: The Hidden Epidemic of Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder.” Again, it may not be OCD, but in any case, you should seek help. All the best…
You could really benefit from therapy. You are dealing with obsessive thoughts. Lacking that, you could try the book Self Parenting, which helps you slow down and understand and change your inner dialogue.
I am worried about the pyhsical self-mutilation fantasies that you describe. I urge you to seek therapy.
I definitely second @marinelife about seeking professional help, from a psychiatrist or some other type of therapy from a professional. I’m worried too that you’re not necessarily going to be able to keep a lid on your thoughts, to keep them under control and you may hurt yourself at some point. And even if you don’t it’s got to be unpleasant at best, to have those kinds of thoughts and images constantly in your head. I really don’t think this a “self-help” kind of situation. In my opinion, you should seek out a professional to help you through this. And if money is tight, like it is for most of us these days, there are probably therapists in your area who would take you on a sliding scale. There may also be other low cost mental health resources in your community. You just may have to put some leg work into finding them. Take care of yourself. O.K.?
If it is OCD, then there is very little chance that you will ever act on any of the thoughts, but yes, you should still seek help.
I’ve always acted on trivial desires, like hurling rocks in the general direction of my face, and setting on her with sharp devices and inanimate victims of conflagration, yet you’re right, I would never do the insane things my minds contrives. And I shall cease to rant.
Don’t beat yourself up – literally or figuratively – but do seek professional help. This is too hard to battle on your own.
There are several websites that provide assistance. Do a search for “self harm” and you should be able to find a list of them.
See medical/professional help. Call: 1800 273–8255 (TALK) if you feel the unbearable urge to hurt yourself.
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