Making New Friends?

I don’t listen to popular music and I’m also a vegetarian.

I’ll be your friend.

I think the thing to do is to go out and do what makes you happy. If you don’t pursue a sport or a hobby, find one and dive in head first. Often that way you meet folks with similar interests and friendships develop naturally. It has always seemed to me that if I go hunting I don’t find, but if I just be me, then fate takes care of it!

In my experience, I find friends whenever I do something I enjoy doing. People seem to enjoy talking to other people who are doing the same thing.

I joined a rock hound group, and the first day, everyone was my friend.

I joined a charity sewing group and the first day, everyone was my friend.

I went hiking with a Sierra Club Seniors and now I have several friends from that club.

I worked with a charity fair organizer, and met several people who are now my friends.

I do listen to popular music and I’ll be your friend :) Welcome to Fluther.

Up through high school, I had high anxiety when it came to meeting knew people. The funny thing? A week ago, I met someone who had a similar experience: spent most of their time at home, difficult making new friends, not a social individual. It was as though we were meant to find one another. It’s quite fascinating.

So don’t change a single thing about yourself. You can go out looking for people or you can wait them to find you, but never change who you are for others.

Thank you all for the positive responses. I really don’t want to change who I am for the benefit of another… that’s the most important thing. I too feel as though in time I will meet someone who clicks with me, because I am starting to really see that all of this anxious chasing after people is really just stressing me out.

This is a cute site.. I like it here already ;D

It’s almost extremely lame how much better I feel just having others be able to relate.

Nothing wrong with going to a mental health practitioner and seeing if you have anxiety issues. And Fluther is a great way to make friends. A whole bunch of us are queer and vegetarian/vegan…and pretty much all of us are geeks of some kind.

Maybe you are 12 or 13, I don’t know. But describing yourself as a lesbian and a vegetarian has nothing to do with making friends. Be a friend to people if you want friends. Strangers don’t care about the two details you decided to share. Kids seem to think these are two things people are interested in—not true. Tell people something interesting about yourself if you want to start a dialogue.

@perspicacious I really think you’re over-reaching with your conclusions. The OP qualified that statement with saying that these particular identities might bring people together which might indicate there are groups that can identify with some of the same interests.

I’m 21 years old…. and what Simone_De_Beauvoir said is most definitely the case. I’m not sure how you got what you did out of what I wrote…

As a matter of fact, I clearly stated in my post why it was that I mentioned those things about myself.

I had the same problem when I finished college. Burned up friendships and a depression had me hole up for a year or so without making friends and being generally distrustful of people.

If you want to actively try to get over this distrust of people, there are a couple of things you can do but you have to really want to get over the distrust. You can just wait for someone to find you but there’s no guarantee to ending the loneliness now.
~If you’re in school, clubs are a great way to meet new people.
~If you aren’t in school, meetup.com is like the equivalent of clubs for grownups. It’s a great way to get out of the house and do an activity with other people in your area. It took me months to actually get up the courage to go to a meeting from this but it’s really done wonders for my loneliness. You don’t have to make these people bosom buddies. They can just be your ____ group and that’s fine. Or you could meet someone there that’s the best friend you’ve been looking for.
~Talking out your frustrations with someone might also help. Either a therapist, counselor, or trusted relative. I didn’t go to a therapist for a long time because my relatives associated them with being crazy. I finally went to one when I was in college just to talk out my frustrations with friends and it was very helpful. It didn’t prevent the eventual depression at the end, but it kept me clear till then.

@Simone_De_Beauvoir Of course I am not overreaching. I made an accurate and true statement.

@Iclamae You’re completely right about actually wanting to get over that distrust before actively seeking out new friends. Sometimes allowing myself to wallow in that distrust of people is comfortable and safe, and it always makes for a great excuse to why it is that I don’t get out more and try new things ;P I know that it’s all about fear, and I have really been looking into therapy because I am the kind of person who needs to express myself vocally.

I like that you mentioned the idea of “bosom buddies”. Sometimes I feel that it’s not fair or it’s not right to just have acquaintances. That’s just my overly active idealist side rearing its ugly head. I never want to make anyone feel as though I am using them in any way, and tend to be pretty hard on myself when it comes to my relationships with others.

@perspicacious I’d like to take this opportunity to remind you that assumption and opinion do not relate to facts in any way.

@Simone_De_Beauvoir I think you are under the mistaken impression that I have solicited your guidance.

@perspicacious LOL, yeah I must be.

@Simone_De_Beauvoir @perspicacious I’d like to take this opportunity to remind you that assumption and opinion do not relate to facts in any way.

Excellent points. I wish I could give you 10 lurve for that answer

@perspicacious You sound really condescending with your judgmental assumptions.

@FutureMemory I’m the only one here who gave helpful information and advice. It is true that strangers do not care what you eat and your sexual orientation. They will, however, like to hear something interesting about you. I’m sure you hate to hear that your own vegetarianism is less than interesting. It’s obvious that people, kids and immature adults in particular, think that observing dietary restrictions puts them in some type of interesting category, but that is a mistaken assumption. I do not see a statement in my answer that is in any way judgmental.

I’m grateful for the advice that I received regardless of the individual intentions of those who gave me the advice that I asked for.

I would advise the rest of you to simply click the “Stop Following” button. It’s just the internet- everyone is entitled to their own opinion.

The best way to make a friend, is to be a friend to others.