What constitutes good parenting?

Being a good parent.

Making reasonable rules and sticking with them. By doing things that you don’t want to do because it’s the best thing for the kids. By having expectations of certain behavior, and having firm, consistent consequences if they ignore those expectations. By not screaming at your kids. By respecting them.

When Dr Spock published the book about raising children it was the down fall of the American family. There are so many troubles in the Youth in today’s society and it is reflected in the suicide rates and the attacks at school by the children there. There is a lot of bullying and some downright nasty things going on amongst the youth. The youth show very little respect for authority. It is very sad to watch and see. I have seen children breaking toys in stores and the parents just ignoring the fact they are acting out. Our society has almost developed a fear to punish our children and give them consequences for their actions.

Patience, love, understanding & a little sacrifice.

Discipline, attention and love.

Being consistent. Setting boundaries and enforcing them. Being a good parent entails having the child angry with you sometimes. You have to accept that. Parents who try to keep a chid happy all the time and don’t want the child angry with them are missing the point. A parent is not always a friend. It sometimes means enforcing negative consequences. This engenders respect for self, parent and others. Lots of people don’t understand this and think they need to let the child do whatever it wants. This is poor parenting.
Speaking respectfuly to a child and not raising ones voice is a good thing. Not expecting the same standard from the child is not a good thing.
It takse patience and love and sometimes being the bad guy. Leading by example, setting standards for the child to aspire and remembering at all times that this small person will soon be grwon and will remember everything you’ve said and done.
One needsd to know that one makes mistakes sometimes and that it is ok to tell a child; “I made a mistake. Please forgive me.”

Good parenting is about a long-term committment to raising a human being to the best of one’s ability – it means giving considerable attention to your child’s emotional, psychological and physical well-being and development. It means being a support and a shoulder to your child and a good parent will be a child’s introduction to the world.

A good parent practices the art of repair. Parents sometimes make mistakes. Sometimes we are clueless. Sometimes children misread us. How we handle our child feeling hurt, disconnected, or wronged in relationship to us communicates a great deal about their value, it also models for them how to be responsible in relationships.

A good parent is also aware about the negative patterns they carry over from their own childhood and not only works to heal but be different.

Boundaries. Boundaries and reasonable explanations.

If we show our children what lines they shouldn’t cross and tell them why we believe that, and it is true, they come to trust us and believe us. There’s no reason why a child should believe you just because you are their parent. They need to trust you, and parents have to earn that trust.

Some parents use fear or violence to gain cooperation. I’ve found that that approach seems counter-productive. I don’t recommend it.

Another part of it is love. Love in the sense that you care about your children and want what’s best for them—best that is, in consultation with them.

@JustmeAman Most of today’s parents never even heard of that book, and even fewer of them have read it.

Parenting is the art of raising well adjusted, contributing members of the community of mankind.

@YARNLADY He did not imply that they had. He said that when the book was published “it was the downfall od American society.” I believe he meant that with the advent of this way of thinking it was the beginning of a change that was not for the better.

@Trillian Oh, I see. I do not believe in spanking (hitting), and I never hit (spanked) my sons or grandsons, and yet my youngest son uses occasional spanking with his son. He did not read that book either, but I did.

@YARNLADY I don’t believe spanking is a good idea either, I think it has more to do with people equating not spanking with not enforcing negative consequences and no boundaries. When spanking was nixxed, I think people mis-interpreted that to mean no “punishment”.
Actually, I’ve been thinking about this particular subject a lot lately. I don’t want to derail this thread though…..

Ever since my first son was born I have been conducting an informal poll on this subject. Whenever I meet someone with a teenage or adult child who is doing well in this world – who has grown into a person most people would respect and enjoy spending time with, I ask the parent what they think they did right. To a person their answers have all been the same; they spent time with their kid and took an interest in their life. As a parent that is my take away lesson, it is all about spending time with your kids, being their for them, and playing a consistently positive and active role in their lives.

@Dutchess_III All excellent rules. Not always easy to live by, but excellent rules.

@JustmeAman There has been a decline in discipline, but I am not sure all that’s Dr. Spock’s fault. He was an advocate of Firm but Friendly Discipline. He certainly would not condone parents letting their children run wild in a store, breaking things with no consequences.

@ucme, @jonsblond, @Simone_De_Beauvoir, & @YARNLADY Great answers all.

@Trillian I really think you hit the nail on the head with the point of understanding that your child may not always like the limits you set, but that you must still set consistent limits. Your point about modeling humility when you ere is spot-on as well. Thanks.

@liminal I like your amplification on @Trillian‘s point about being aware we as parents are not perfect, and making amends as needed.

@wundayatta I think fear and intimidation will work with some children and others will be more strong-willed and be in open rebellion by their mid teens. Perhaps a rule to add is that each child is an unique individual human being, and one-size-fits-all parenting won’t always succeed.

@SuperMouse Excellent answer. If I may brag a bit, my son has grown up now, and I am immensely proud of him. He completed college and ROTC, got a great job, and is currently serving our country in Afghanistan as a 1st Lt. in the Army. I know we invested a ton of time in early education. He was a viola player from age 6, and I can’t count how many concerts and recitals we carted him to, how many trips for lessons. I know he felt loved though, and he expresses that love back to us now in so many touching ways.

@ETpro judging by that description of your boy, I would totally ask you what you thought you did right! Also, I have a nephew in Afghanistan right now with the Marine Corps. He is coming home next month.

@SuperMouse I wish your nephew the very best. The Marines are in some of the toughest fights over there. I’m glad he’‘s near the end of his tour.

I think we set reasonable limits for our son, and expected him to meet them. We enforced consequences for failure to meet the limits. And we were reasonable and respectful in dispensing discipline. But most of all, we devoted serious time to his education. We were deeply involved and supported him in his exploration of music and computer technology. I know that he knew he was loved and valued for his unique abilities. Of course, he was profoundly gifted. He spontaneously started reciting letters and numbers at 19 moths and was reading at 24 months. We did absolutely nothing to make that happen. As best as I can guess, he learned it by watching TV.

So given that early blossoming, it was natural to be involved in his education. And Virginia Beach, VA had great resources for gifted and talented education. He was in special programs from elementary school up. In High School, he was the first student ever to divide his time between a Math & Science Magnet School and the Governor’s Magnet School for the Arts in Norfolk.

Consistency. The quality of a parenting method should be measured by the result.

And @ETpro you consistently have the best questions on Fluther. You rock.

@crazyivan Thank you, but there are a huge number of jellies here that rock, and you’re one of them.

@crazyivan I wish it were that easy You do everything right, and a perfect kid comes out the other end. But it doesn’t always work that way because we’re dealing with extremely complicated human beings, not computer programs.

If you expect anything to produce a “perfect” kid (whatever that means) then you are certainly in for a disappointment. Good parenting is still measured by the result, but you have to be realistic on your expectation is for the result.

A good balance between freedom and boundaries. A structure for each day, week and year. Joint meals with plenty of time for good discussions.

A balance between Discipline and friendliness. Both Are equally important. You should never make a choice between the two. Either Be A Good Disciplinarian, and A Good Friend. Or neither. In other words, If you have to fail something, fail it all.

@mattbrowne & @kostaweb GAs! Thanks.

Welcome to Fluther, @ayls_billones Great answer. It is strange that parenting is probably the single most important thing most of us do in regards to shaping the future, and also the thing most of us are least trained to do. I imagine part of that is due to the rancorous debate you would get if you tried to set a national standard for, “which one is better for their kids.”