Would it not be right to be in a relationship when you're attached to someone else?

Yes! I’m still in love with my deceased friend and I made a promise that I would not date until he was fully out of my system. You can’t really fully love someone if you’re already in love with someone else. It’s hard. You can’t be fully open with them because that would cause problems. I mean saying “oh hey I love someone else, but I’m dating you anyway” sounds mean. I mean you can if you want, but it’s not a good idea.

Here’s the thing… not every relationship has to be about life-long love. Sometimes the only way to get over someone is to date someone new. Preferably several new people! Casually, of course. It is certainly not the time to attempt a serious relationship, but having fun and exposing yourself to new people can be vital at a time like this.

@augustlan Sigh*... but what if you don’t want to get over them?

If you are a teenager, as you are, the best way to get over someone you have a crush on, is to get involved with someone who likes you back. It’s that simple.

@tedd Listen, it’s for your own good. <stern mommy voice> ;)

My sense of the answer to this question has everything to do with age and the type of relationship you had with the person you can’t get over.

For example, a 15 year old’s crush on someone is far different than the person who lost their spouse of 15 years. In the former case, I agree with @augustlan completely. In the latter case, I think it is unfair to get into a new relationship until some of the major issues with the old relationship are resolved and you can invest the emotional energy in a new person (in a way that is fair to them).

@tedd: Make a career of being blue.

It might not be right to the person you’re in a relationship with. If you’re dating to get over someone, you need to let that person know up front. I was the girl someone was with because he was trying to get over someone he couldn’t have. As soon as she was available, he dropped me like a hot rock and went out with her. Do you see this happening to you? If not, you don’t have to be as careful but if it’s possible that you’ll be with Amber, don’t start dating some poor girl as a stop-gap measure until she’s available.

Of course you become attracted to someone a hundred times a day… our society ia made that way. If you are in a relationship… focus on that person… grow your relationship… be an adult!

Yes, however, getting over a relationship is a sticky thing. If you try to get over someone by dating someone else, honesty would be important as you have to consider their feelings. People always have to be aware of people on the “rebound!” Usually, they don’t become long term relationships.

The one thing I can maybe comment on is that one can love more than one person at a time. We love our kids though each has a different part of us. You can love a person and then meet another and love them as well. You don’t have to have the intense relationship with everyone you are attracted too. You can love a person and never go beyond a friendship phase. Keeping yourself alone because you worry about maybe hurting the other is not really fair to you. Go enjoy dating and in time you will find your answers.

@Kayak8 Agreed. And it’s definitely unfair to a new person if you lead them on. You have to be clear right up front… that you’re not looking for a serious relationship, just companionship and fun.

It all depends on you. If you can’t stop thinking about Amber enough to give your new relationship the energy it deserves, then don’t be in a serious relationship. I, for one, am capable of loving and being with more than one person at a time. My attractions to other people have nothing to do with my primary relationship with my husband, who is my life partner and my love.

The thing is that most of the girls that like me irritate me so badly that if I were to go out with them it surely wouldn’t work out I can guarantee it. And also I don’t want to go out with someone I’m not attracted to. But I already had one relationship and I did really like her, we had a lot in common and I enjoyed it. But only after awhile I had to tell her that I’m still in the liking of another girl and that I don’t want to be betraying her by thinking of someone else while she should have clearly been in my mind. I don’t have the right to do that to a girl….

What’s the deal with Amber?

I don’t know. I’m not sure because I’m with someone I really like, but I still miss the person I used to be in love with. And I’m pretty confused, anyway.