Is a marriage over if there is zero trust?

Sounds like it to me.

Not sure the second person can really blame their cheating on the first person. It’s a choice that is made.

In this case, yes. To be blunt, it just seems like two kids, “well if you did it, now I get to do it!” When does it end?

Lost trust, really hard to earn back. Trust trampled on by two people not thinking about their marriage and not thinking about the other person’s emotional well-being. Yikes.

Have you thought of trying a marriage counselor first? Do you want to try? Does your S/O want to try?

Is it possible that the one who cheated from the beginning only told the partner about it to get the other person to act out of character?

Trust is important in a marriage. I would say that answer here is different depending on whether or not there are children. If no children, and you have no trust in each other, it would be nice to try and get it back, but if you can’t,...well, too bad. If there are children, work it out and rebuild the trust so that your children can have an intact family. Unless there is abuse, then go your separate ways.

Would emotional abuse be a reason to leave on top of the cheating and lack of trust?

@wetdog – I know people do that, it doesn’t make sense to me; because, in the long run, it seems you are really only continuing to hurt each other. To start on a fresh path, there has to be the willingness to forgive and the understanding that there is a lot of work to do on and in the relationship.

Never stay for abuse. Never. Emotional abuse can be just (and is to a lot of people men and women) as destructive as physical abuse.

I don’t mean to sound harsh, it just seems like this is coming from a bad place.

Marriage counseling had been sought out but then turned against the other partner.

The other partner is a admitted habitual liar. From small to large lies which make it hard to tell when truths are being told and when a promise is real or false.

There are a lot of issues you’re lasting. Zero trust may not be an end to a marriage but with all the other issues, it is quite possibly an end.

@Simone_De_Beauvoir – I think you’ve said exactly what I was thinking.

@wetdog – when the other person isn’t willing to seek help, change or to try. It’s sad, but it’s over. The hard part is coming to the point where you can really understand that you are at the end. No one person on Fluther can make it easier for you and make the decision for you. It’s just not that easy.

I wish you the best and am sorry for what you are going through.

Its been a long road and a person ruined getting to the end. Not a good thing in the least. The hardest thing a person can go through.

The cheating out of retaliation from the abuse and so forth on the other partners side has destroyed them to a point. They ended up being hurt even more than if it had all been by the cheating and lying partner.

The marriage isn’t over but the relationship is.

At some point it is necessary to divorce to stop hurting each other. When does the emotional hurt turn into physical hurt? Maybe never. Maybe soon.

The physical hurt is what the female party is worried about.

@xxii If the relationship is over then you would think the marriage is next to follow.

I would say so. Any successful relationship, romantic or otherwise, is based on some degree of trust. I trust that my buddy will steal my Cheez-its at work, but will pick me up something when he goes out for lunch. I trust my wife to be open and honest with me, and she trusts me to reciprocate that trust.

Without trust, you have nothing. Not even friendship.

That’s a big 10–4 on their marriage being dead in the water.

They both lost respect for each other. the end.

That is what I was thinking too. @john65pennington I guess its just time to stop sitting in the water and tell the other person its over for good.

Possibly. A marriage has to be built on trust to function. The partners may be able to try counseling to repair their relationship. but if that doesn’t work than yes, the marriage is over.

So if one of the partners is not willing to get counseling for being abusive before marriage counseling can begin again then that’s a good sign that the other should walk away?

Without trust there is no relationship…
To go to sleep next to someone that you cant trust is something scary..
i would say that if you really love this person to seek counseling, but at sometime in this relationship you are going to have to think about what is important and where it is that you are trying to go.. the path of the relationship..

“Marry in haste, repent at leisure” -Shakespeare

People stay married for many different reasons. It totally depends on what the partners expect to get out of being married. If it is more convenient to stay married, that would work for them – a marriage of convenience. If they want love and trust, then they have to find it somewhere else.

Well, I’ve never been married. But it is true for all other relationships, so it seems unlikely that the relationship would continue.

just be swingers win win everyone is happy.

Oh yes, over and out!

Marriage needs trust to survive and be healthy. I don’t think I could remain in a relationship where I didn’t trust my partner, but many people do. I am sure they are all very unhappy.

Abuse of any kind; physical or emotional, that’s a deal-breaker in my opinion.

Thank you everyone. I just wanted to see what others would think about what I already knew in my heart.