How do you deal with your butthead ex?

His logic makes little sense considering the reasons you have given. If you have cats or dogs roaming the neighborhood, you could also add that she would run a health risk if the sand box isn’t carefully checked every time before she is allowed to play in it. And is there a public sand box that she could play in?

If he wants to build something or spend money on his daughter, is there something else you can suggest? Possibly something that she needs or wants?

He’s not called Beavis is he? Uh huh uh huh…...:¬)

Could he buy one that is made of plastic and has a lid? You could have it in the yard but move it around…. or there are some really cool water and sand actvity tables…..
I thought your question was about just gettng him to bug off.
I finally lied to my ex and told him I was seing someone.

Too bad he lives near you. That in itself is something you don’t need. Glad I don’t have that situation.
If you could fix him up with another woman, like I did, it makes a huge difference!

No means no, it’s not your house. The only thing you would be depriving your daughter of is your ex’s tantrums.

I butt heads with my butthead X.

I see he’s in the air force. Go tell him to fly a kite :¬)

He drives one solid hour just to bug you? Amaaaazing.

Mouse lurves and follows this question.

Tell your parents you don’t want the box. If you don’t want him hanging about being a nuisance and then leaving a shoddy oversized “catbox” behind then ask you parents to be firm and say not only you but they don’t want the box in their backyard. Maybe they can tell your ex they’re willing to reconsider the box once their yard re do is complete- he’ll be gone overseas by then?

If, for your ex, the script for being a good dad includes building a sand box, let him. You will get more mileage out of being agreeable over something this trivial. He probably wants it at your place because he knows he’s leaving, and wants to have something where she’ll go so he can feel connected.

Children generally don’t play in sandboxes until around age three. How old is your daughter?

BarnacleBill has a point though. It’s not the sandbox, per se, but the fact that the father wants to do something personal for his daughter before he leaves. Your daughter is lucky to have him want to be a part of her life, no matter how paltry it may seem to you. Please meet him halfway by offering suggestions that are along the line of something personal and more suitable. Maybe he can buy a small swing set kit and put it together for her.

I think @BarnacleBill is on to something as well. He wants his daughter to have something to remember him by while he’s gone. Is there anything else your daughter would like or needs right now that he could do for her? I get that you don’t want the sandbox and I don’t blame you, but would it hurt to try to come up with something else for him to do for her?

I get that he can be a pain for you, but if you block him from doing things for your daughter, it could turn around and bite you later on when she gets older. It sucks, but whatever happened between the two of you doesn’t matter, all that matters is the relationship you daughter has with her father. As long as he is not abusive toward her, he should be able to do things for her too.

This is not worth fighting about. If he hasn’t built the sandbox yet, you have a 50%/50% that he will actually do it. Why fight about something that may not happen?

It is somewhat silly that he thinks not having a sandbox is depriving her, but perhaps playing in a sandbox was a good memory of his own childhood. Many men just really don’t know about babies, or young children, and sometimes they do things that appear dumb to women because they just don’t know what to do.

He builds a sandbox, you turn it into a square-foot garden frame, and you and your daughter grow vegetables, herbs and flowers in it. She gets a cute little watering can, little tools to dig, purple flowered gardening gloves. Everyone’s happy.

What about asking him to make a really cool set of blocks for her?

@noelleptc For a lot of men, the baby isn’t really there/real until it is born. A lot of men have a hard time attaching to the baby while it is still in the womb. As far as the diaper thing goes, he may be an idiot, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t care and want his daughter to have something to remember him by. It could just be that now that he is getting closer to moving away he realizes that he won’t get to see her as much or be a part of her life as much.

With some men it is the bragging rights, “look what I made for my daughter”. Yet they can’t seem to spend any time with their kids, buy them the things they really need such as food and diapers, or even send the child support payments on time. We don’t know this man, so maybe he is one of those that say they will do something and never get around to it, just want to whine that they are not allowed to do things with the kids.

@noelleptc Perhaps he’s hoping that he’ll be able to take her to those different places, who knows. Did you suggest those other things to him when you told him no to the sandbox?

@noelleptc I’m guessing he doesn’t want it at his house or his mom’s house because he actually wants it to be with his daughter and not sitting in a place she may not be very often. If he’s not willing to do anything else, all you can really do it ignore his rants.

I agree with what @Seaofclouds wrote in that a lot of men don’t attach to their baby until it’s born. They definitely don’t seem to develop any extra fondness for the mother of their child that wasn’t already there. So many women don’t get that, they think because they’re the mother-of-his-baby that he’ll come around and treat them differently or love them again or other tosh. Your baby is born so try as much as you can when he’s a topic to remove coulda-shoulda-woulda been between you and him or else it’ll mess you up and keep you from being open to any other adult relationships.

Humor his delusions as long as you can get him to come through with basic obligations. I’m sure in his eyes he thought you could get diapers anytime but a big roll of drawing paper is something else. His delusions about what he’d like to do in the future don’t need to be quashed to his face, they don’t really matter anyways- what matters is how you two can get along in order for him to come through with his obligations while causing the least amount of arguing.

@noelleptc Speaking as someone that was a single mother and has had serious issues with my ex (I’m talking getting an order of protection against him after he threatened to kill me and my son types of serious issues), I can tell you that having a toxic relationship with him can affect other adult relationships. Finding a guy that is open to you having a child is one thing, it’s another when he sees how things are between you and your daughters father. So, it can interfere.

I agree he shouldn’t lie, but you have a choice on how you respond to him. Perhaps he does things to get a reaction out of you. Maybe he likes knowing that he can still get to you. It’s immature, but as long as he keeps being able to get the reaction out of you, he may continue with the behavior (just a thought).

Sorry that you feel that way. We are just giving you ideas of what we’ve been through and seen with others. You asked how to deal with him and we are trying to give you ideas of how to do it. Sounds like it might be best just to ignore him and not worry about it.