When did you realize you had to quit?

When my ex husband tried to throw me out of a moving car. That was it. He didn’t realize that was my breaking point until later that night when I had locked the bedroom door and he broke it down and I was on top of the bed with a ball bat. He just looked at me and said “Oh my God, what have I done.”

@chyna Not to pry or open old wounds, but….what did he do?

Any time I have had to quit something,it is because it was compromising my happiness or principles.It was not always easy.But it was always worth it ;)

He left the next day, I filed for divorce. After that, it was all amicable, but for me, it was over, he killed any love I had for him.

@chyna Good for you for getting out – it kept you alive.

@chyna I’m glad you got rid of him.

I had a job in a hotel some years back, and there was one worker who kept picking verbally on me. Once she got violent though, but nobody was there to see it. I reported it, but nothing was done of it, so I fucked off.

There are only a few, and all are job-related. Having worked for a few supervisors that cared about the staff, had no clue how to effectively manage, it’s easy to become miserable over time. I finally learned that when I no longer look forward to going into work each day as I usually did, it’s time to move on.

Be it work, relationships, or personal habits, it is somewhat amazing how long we can rationalize why to continue on in the same way. Once the change is made, it’s the most wonderfully liberating feeling.

I finally decided to quit ____ when I was courageous enough to actually listen to my self and respect what she had been telling me for a long time but had failed to truly acknowledge because I knew it would mean the death of something.

It took a probation officer giving me one last chance to get sober. I finally realized that nothing was going to change unless I quit drinking. I finished the last of the booze in the house that night, haven’t had a drink since (24½ yrs ago).

I quit smoking after spending a day trying to ride a bicycle and not being able to catch my breath. When I was done riding, I got in my car and lit up. I finished that pack, and every cigarette I smoked I realized i was killing myself. After that pack, I haven’t smoked since.

As far as jobs go, when I start feeling like I want Xanax a few weeks in a row, I opt to quit instead.

Ending a friendship, it would have to be something really bad if it had been a long time friend. I don’t think I have ever formally ended a friendship actually.

Love relationships, well, in high college I finally ended a long term relationship that had started in high school, when he had cheated and lied enough that it was ridiculous, and I was away at college anyway. He had basically moved on, I had left town, but he had cheated on and off in our relationship the entire time.

Another guy I dated after college was a little violent. He would kick me under the table kind of too hard when he did not like something I said, or try to be a little controlling. Not wanting me to eat shrimp or pork, because he didn’t for religious reasons. Anyway, one day he kicked his father when he was angry at him. Can you imagine? I did not break up right away, but it was within a few weeks.

When he picked up a painting I had bought, the first original oil I had ever owned, and smashed it over his knee.
   It was about 9 more months before I said my last good-bye to him, but it was really over right then.

When my manager rated me only 3 on a scale of 5 in problem-solving and decision-making because she had to make the group’s performance reviews fit the bell curve, and so she was forced to mark me down. Those were two of my strengths; I was not a 3.
   I started sending out resumes right away and gave my notice two months later. Not even an apology from the manager, a promise to upgrade my ratings, and an offer of more pay changed my mind.

When my 5-year-old son told me that if he could break the thumb-sucking habit, I could break the smoking habit.
   That was 21 years ago, and I’ve been nicotine-free ever since.

@Jeruba that happened to me too, the review thing. Not only to fit in a curve, but I was at a high pay rate, and their reviews give you automatic raises if it is a high score, the thing was I was not eligeable for a raise, because I had not worked enough weeks in the year. When I mentioned that they said, “then why do you care what your review says anyway?” I was angry. The previous director, who I had worked for the majority of the time I had spent in that division, before he retired, and before reveiw time, wrote a letter for me to hand in with my appeal to the review. In the end I just looked like an angry girl who felt misunderstood in their eyes I think. I was fantastic at my job there. My husband, who is a VP of HR said he had not seen a review like theirs anywhere, but in a college text book, because in the years since his school days most companies have figured out how awful it is.

I quit one of my jobs when I realized that was not waking up for work, I was coming in late, & I didn’t need the job financially. I could afford to quit.

Ok, so you mean I have to quit sitting here and answering questions on the internet? Well, my doctor said “I need to get up and walk” but how does that = I have to quit? I have not reached a reasonable balance of the two yet.

I rarely quit. I always wait until I get laid off. I think it’s because the security of a miserable paying job is far better than the insecurity of having to look for a new job, with no certainty it will be any better than the last one. It’s true with relationships, too. Long after they are over, I am still there, waiting for her to tell me it’s time to go. I’d rather be miserable and know how things are than be uncertain and have a chance to be happy.

I’m not saying this is a good way to be. I’m just saying that’s the way I am. I’m sure there are deep psychological reasons for this. Maybe it’s fear of success. I’m sure it’s very unAmerican.

I think that when I was depressed, it was pretty much the same. To become happy was a huge risk, because what if I failed? I would crash back down, maybe even further. Maybe I wouldn’t survive. As long as I was depressed, I knew what it was like. I knew it was miserable, but it was secure. I guess it’s very difficult for me to tolerate insecurity.

It’s weird, because it means I have to sabotage any happiness I have. I need to make it go away, so that the process is under my control. If I hold onto happiness, then some day it will suddenly disappear, dropping me off a cliff. Better to find my own way down, so I don’t crash at the bottom.

Again, I’m not saying this is a good thing to do. I don’t think it’s a way of generating happiness and success, but it is a way of staying comfortable. I stay in places long after I’m bored, just because it’s way too comfortable to leave. I make too much money or too many people like me, so why rock the boat? Why risk a change—especially since the change is more likely to fail than to succeed.

“Think positive,” someone might say. “Are you kidding?” “Do you have any idea who you are talking to?” I could no more think positive than I could give birth to an elephant. I may be capable of doing something half-decent—maybe even better than decent—but it’s hardly worth risking my comfortable Eames chair sitting in front of the fire. Give me a hot chocolate and a book. I’ll be fine. I’ll try not to notice what a good time everyone else is having. In fact, I think I’ll pull down the shades and maybe listen to some music through my headphones.

I have only quit once in my life and that was over a minimum wage job at a hamburger stand many many years ago. Even though it was a menial slave labor job, I felt like shit for doing that and vowed I would never QUIT on anything and anyone! ;)

When I was 16 I got a scab job bagging groceries for minimum wage at Vons. After thirty minutes of asking myself “what the hell am I doing?” I walked out.

I knew it was time to quit when I realized that I was using substances to escape the reality of my life, to make me numb, instead of correcting what was wrong. And when I used, I turned into a person I didn’t know or like, it wasn’t me anymore. Not that me was a great person at that point but the real me was a hell of a lot better human being than the me who appeared. That was July 31, 1990, 6:59 PM, heheheh, not that I’m counting.

The last gentleman I quit took a slow building rather than a single incident. I had an eight-hour car ride to think, and finally it just came together: he didn’t value me, and I was letting him do that. Even then, it took a good two weeks to get up the gumption to call it off.

I finally just snapped because of his anger when drinking, and then broke it off with my SO. The itching hives that I had been dealing with for years were gone within a couple of weeks.

@faye Years of stress related hives? How terrible! One week when I was a teen having a hard time at school was bad enough.

Yeah, years, it’s lovely now. Of course I didn’t realize it was him and just coped, Gold Bond.

I will spare you the long version where I act out all the parts, but I saw a grown woman shove an unaccompanied little girl – maybe 10 – as she got off the subway because she was being a hideous brat. (The kid was not only unhurt, but contemptuous.) The woman turned around with a satisfied look and I noticed everyone nearby was nodding in approval ... including me. That’s when I realized I needed to get the hell out of New York. When you think it’s OK to shove someone one-third of your size and one-quarter of your age, no matter what they’ve done, you need to make a change.

@perg I came to the same conclusion after spending 3 years in NYC. My heart had hardened far more than I thought it ever could.

I reached a point in my relationship with drugs and the world I lived in that I will never forget! I had lost complete control of my life and had nothing genuine to hold onto… even my “best friends” and my s/o werent who I believed them to be and once I realized this it broke my heart into pieces. I truly believe that was the moment I could no longer live a life full of lies and deceit. The very next day I bought tickets to leave town and became a better person for me and my son… not to mention everyone I had hurt in the process like my family and loved ones. I think there has to be a moment in any situation or struggle where one will finally have enough and change something to make life different in a more positive light… and those that never reach that point (and im sure there are those people out there that dont) are the ones that never find meaning or truth in an entire lifetime. Im glad I went through every single horrible experience for the simple fact that it made me who I am now and this much wiser to one of many of lifes lessons.

Fact from fiction, truth from diction. As Dirty Harry said; ”A man has to know his limitations”. No matter what the time to pull the curtain is if it becomes to unfeasible, too dangerous, too unhealthy, or there is no longer any chance of improvement.

In a relationship the end can come when physical violence starts. It would logically be to risky to go forward if there was no way it would improve because the only other way it can go is worse. Also if violence, cheating and/or lying erodes trust, peace of mind is not far behind. If you can be comfortable the relationship is doomed no matter how great the sex is.

With a job it comes down to peace of mind of feeling happy and appreciated. If you were made to feel like a maggot every time you stepped in the office making 1.5 mil a year won’t be enough. Unless you had very thick skin going to work every single day and being referred to as stupid, dense or if not told directly being maligned and sabotaged to the point you are spending more time trying to out maneuver or defend off actions of those (often the higher ups) would be mentally exhausting which could lead to actual physical illness like ulcers and the likes.

@JLeslie What did his dad do when he kicked him???? That’s hilarious! :) It’s like a sitcom!

@Dutchess_III you made me laugh, I have never laughed over that story. Thank you :). The details of that story are as folows: we were at a holiday get together at his parents house. At one point his niece came running out of the family room into the living room where I was sitting, she was visibly upset and grabbed on to me, she blurted out, “Uncle David kicked grandpa.” I didn’t even know what to say, she continued, “they were fighting and he kicked him.” at that point her mom, his sister walked into the room we were in; she had overheard, tried to comfort her daughter for a moment, just a moment, and then left her with me again, and went into the other room and read David the riot act. He had kicked his dad in the shin, I still find it unbelievable, and from the argument that ensued with his sister, it seemed fairly obvious this was not the first something like this had happened. The father tried to calm everything down, and it was let go for the rest of the time we were there.

@Hypocrisy_Central Fact from fiction, truth from diction.

@FutureMemory yeah

@FutureMemory & @Simone_De_Beauvoir yeah + yeah ???

@Adagio It’s kinda a fluther inside joke…

@Simone_De_Beauvoir I thought @FutureMemory comment was a kind of WTF in disguise and I was adding another mask.

@JLeslie This sitcom gets better and better! Uncle David kicked GRANDPA??!!! So…in that family every body kicks everybody? Hey…that would make a good Country Song…“Everybody Kicks Everybody”! I’m laughing even harder! I’m sorry! T’would not be funny if you were still kickin’ it with him…I’m choking here!!

@Dutchess_III No, just David was out of control, ironically having a need for control.