What do you like to know about a person when you first get to know them?

I want to know about their formative years—where they grew up, what the conditions were like, who were/are their heroes. I’m usually interested in their families and their relationships to their families.

Children, pets, spouses, former spouses—I’m nosey about relationships.

Hell, I’m just nosey.

I like to know about their likes and dislikes ..and the reasons. And, if possible, their upbringing. I also like to know any interesting stories about events in their lives (whether it be something embarassing, amazing, odd, sad ..etc).

I want to know about key moments in HS, about their parents relationship, about their friends, hobbies, their personal demographics, what kinds of jobs they’ve held, what kinds of educational background they have, how they handle money, how they interact with children, peers, the opposite gender, their parents, what they think was the reason their last couple of relationships ended, what their favorite books and movies are, what music they listen to, I’m looking for the archetypal story they are operating under, and I am looking for overarching themes and patterns that tell me a bit of how they move through the world. I am wanting to know about their spiritual beliefs and practices and their insights about politics and policy making. ...the list goes on and on.

I like to know about their philosophy of life. What they believe and how they think.

@noelleptc I met a schizophrenic a few years ago and that was the first thing he told me, that he was crazy, while he was between me and the door and no one else was around.. We got to be friends.

I like to know how big or present their morbid side is. I don’t ask them I just listen to the things they say and test them with twisted “jokes” and “humor” about death. I like to know this because if you listen correctly you can know a lot about them from just a few sentences. Also I like to know what kind of things they think about, I like to jump inside their mind and look at all the files.

I like to know where a person is from and where they have lived. It can open up a whole new bag of questions. What I want to know and don’t ask is their marital status, and if not the gender they prefer. This information eventually comes out, so it’s only a matter of time. I like to fix single people up.

@noelleptc This guy walked into my office, sat down, and said he wasn’t feeling good. I had to ask why. He said“I’m crazy. Schizo, you know?” I wasn’t feeling the love at first.

@noelleptc Turned out he was an interesting guy. Had some unusual interests, and I just had to work around the swings in personality.

Actually, that’s an interesting point for me. A new thing I’d want to know is whether someone was mentally ill and whether they were in treatment.

Before I got ill, I was as freaked out by the idea of mental illness, such as schizophrenia, as @Adirondackwannabe was. Now I realize a diagnosis doesn’t mean you present an imminent danger. It also means that you might be really interesting.

I wanted to know marital status, their value of monogamy, fidelity, friendship, family, work and play. If it’s a person who becomes a date then I want to know if they’re in a relationship frame of mind or out to sow some wild oats, I want to know about STD’s, medications and addictions/abuses.

What I don’t ask about but want to know is history of abusing others, if they’ve got restraint orders, jail time, prison time, DUI’s or on any registered sex offender lists.

I want to know how they feel about animals. A person can be a good person and we can have a fun time hanging out, but if we aren’t simpatico about animals – or if they don’t respond right to things I say about animals – then we will never really be close.

What they like to eat, how they think about food, can they cook. What they read, and what books were influential for them.

For me, food is a lot about creativity, open-mindedness, socialization. People with weird eating habits generally turn out to be high maintenance relationship. Likewise, people who only eat to live and don’t relish the beauty of well-prepared food don’t usually mesh well with me. Cooking is a creative medium, and I require that people either share my love of cooking, or be an appreciative eater. I also like to know who were the good cooks in their family and what dishes are family signature dishes.

In spite of my migration from Catholic to agnostic, my favorite and most influential writers remain Robert Lax and Thomas Merton.

I also enquire about political and religious belief, and why they believe what they do. It generally doesn’t bother me if someone has different political or reliegious ideology from me, as long as their reason for believing what they do seems rational. I tend not to discuss either of those topics in person; I feel it’s none of my business.

I want to know if he/she shares my sense of humor. Laughter can compensate for a lot of other differences.

I like to listen to people talk. I don’t share much of myself until I’ve heard what they say about other people. If they tell unsavory details about other people, I know they’ll share my intimate details with other folks as well. I don’t do gossip, so if I find out that’s what they do, I would remain an aquaintance.

Whatcha drinkin’?

I want to know if they are comfortable with silence.
I want to know what they like to do that they find completely absorbing.

I’d like to know if the person is a giver, or a taker

I would want to know if they are kind and caring or selfish and greedy. I would also want to know race and also if they are 2-faced.