What do I do about this... relationship? (details)
Longness ahead. Sorry about that.
OK so…
I just came home from an awesome trip with friends and without my family.
While I was gone, I happened to be sitting next to a guy friend of mine one day. We were doing something really monotonous, so to pass the time, we built houses of cards and played candy basketball (bouncing small candy bars off the wall trying to make them fall into the basket sitting on the table. Needless to say, it was funny to play and watch). We were having tons of fun! He was also trying to make me laugh constantly. In passing, I told his sister (who was with us) about how funny he was being. She said this was extremely unusual and he must like me a lot. So…yeah. It went from there. You can kind of guess the rest of the question. We like each other, but it’s not like we’re dating. We haven’t even held hands, much less kissed or had sex. So we’re good there. But apparently his older brother has something against people liking each other till they’re older (maybe not – he’s kind of dating and his girlfriend’s only 16 and he’s 18). But he left for basic the day before we got home, so he probably doesn’t know. The rest of his family should be fine with it as long as we’re careful and don’t do anything stupid (which won’t be happening). It’s my mom I’m worried about. This has only been going on for 3 days, so yeah, I haven’t told my mom yet. I’m trying to find the right moment and the right words. This is the first time I’ve gotten anywhere close to having a boyfriend, so she’ll be pretty shocked and might have something against it at first. But after a while I think it’ll be alright because my brother met his wife when he was 15, and she was his first girlfriend. So yeah…
1) What should I say to my mom (and dad for that matter)?
2) What should I say to him? We never even talked about it. The look in his eyes was enough. To throw a monkey wrench in the mix, though, his house burned down 3 weeks ago. He doesn’t have a computer or a smart phone even, so I can’t email him or FB him. I don’t know the address or phone number of their rental property.
3) Anything else? Please don’t tell me 14 is too young…I already know it probably is. But this has already started.
Thank you so much, guys…This is huge. I have grown so much in these last 3 days, and I’m still kind of shocked that I actually a guy that I like this much. He’s an awesome guy.
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8 Answers
Here’s the thing….how old is this guy? And how long have you known him? People are so paranoid now about age, and laws. My son in law met my daughter when she was 15, and he was 22, I was so against it and she never left the house with him until she was nearly 18. That was years ago. You even let him touch you if he’s over a certain age, and you set him up for jail. And 14 is so not too young to fall in love.
17 is not too young and you only have 3 years to go! Relax and enjoy your youth…it goes by quick.
@janedelila He’s 16, and I’ve known him just over a year. Funny thing is, at first I thought he was the weirdest guy at our homeschool co-op. Talk about judging a book by its cover. I never even had a crush on him before we went on this trip (we were with 20 other teenagers and 6 adults btw). I know there’s a legal side of it… But we’re not going to do anything beside holding hands, and probably not even that for a while, and if/when it does happen, nobody we know would make a big deal about it. So I think that’s taken care of.
@ChocolateReigns I love that you are so smart about this. Just be careful with your future. It’s the only one you have, and sometimes the best plans seem to go awry. And btw, I was just in your shoes 6 weeks ago, and now I think I found the love of my life. And I’m old!
@janedelila Thanks :) I’ll be seeing him again in 12 days – I can’t wait!!
I don’t see much of a problem with the age difference of 14 and 16. Honestly, when I was 14, I dated a 17 yr old. We never slept together, we just dated. And don’t think that 14 is too young to fall in love. I felt the first stirrings of my heart falling in love when I was 13. It was a beautiful feeling, and I envy all young people who feel it for the first time. I miss that time of my life.
I will say one thing: you seem to have a good head on your shoulders. Use it well, continue to be very careful and protect your boundaries, and you should do just fine.
I know you think you know that your in love but…take your time here. He may be older then you and may like other girls. And to be honest may be being NICE to you and not trying to hurt your feelings. So do not assume anything until he says something. I have been down that path many times in life. Talk to your parents first and then decide if this is something you want. You may change your mind a few weeks maybe a few months later about how you feel. Enjoy your youth. You only have it once
The distance between “I had fun with a boy goofing around” to “I’m dating a boy” to “I’m having sex with a boy” is HUGE. What you are is most likely “in intense like” not “in love”.
I would start by telling your parents that you met a boy who’s really funny and make you laugh.
Dating someone does not mean that you’re obligated to have sex with them.
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