How do I convince my parents to let me live with a friend, at least for a while?

You’re still young right now so legally if you were to go to a friends; she has the right to bring you back home. Try talkin to them. Do you have any older siblings?

I have an older sibling but she’s 20 and is at college 8 hours away.

You’re lucky to have a home and parents. Admit that, and worry about something important.

Talk to your sister – she has been in your shoes and can give you better advice than anyone else.

Sit down with your mom and calmly talk things out. Let her know that you would appreciate being able to do things once in a while, that you feel you’re ready to, and then take the time to ask her what her concerns are. When she voices them, listen to her, don’t interrupt, and then calmly explain why you don’t think she needs to worry.

If the conversation progresses far enough, ask her what would help ease her worries, how you could demonstrate that you’re responsible enough. Suggest checking in with her by calling at designated times, or whatever else might help.

I vividly recall feeling the same way you did at that age. I felt that I had reached a point where I had enough common sense to pretty much fend for myself and really needed a change. I begged my parents to allow me to transfer to the local private school like a few other classmates did. My parents seemed old-fashioned and unable to understand what is important to a young adult. I had three older siblings, and like you, the closest one age-wise was college.

What I learned within two years was that my parents were on target with their decisions to keep me at home and not allow me to go elsewhere to finish high school. It taught me not to run away from problems instead of facing them. I found a group of friends that have lasted over 30 years.

As @Supacase and @DrasticDreamer have suggested, talk to your sister and your parents. They can all provide support and insight that you might find surprisingly helpful.

start small. after school at a friends. couple hours. then dinner there. then sleep overs. then maybe a party. bring your friends over. then a concert or a game. this is how my daughter did me. then, next thing you know, your’e going on a cool trip with your friends.

I was permanently grounded from the time I was 8 until I was 17, my mother kept saying I was grounded even past that until I was 20! Parents try to steer their kids in the right direction, you’re too young to understand the full scope of everything going on around you, I was too, ALL teenagers are for the most part. Talk to your sister, she can give you insight. Try to think through your mom’s side of things, if you can’t, ask her to help you understand. Unless you’re being outright abused, chances are you’re in a okay home and you’re just having problems like all of us did at some point.

I wouldn’t push the issue just because you need a break, talk to your mom about how you feel, and start all your sentences with ‘I think’ and ‘I feel’, don’t become combative.

If you need your life to change, that’s on you. Your mother is not the one responsible for how you feel about your life. Get into some activities, read, write your thoughts, feelings and ideas down, paint, sing, go running, whatever. You can improve your life without your mother being in control of how you feel about it day to day.

A lot of times she will give me the, because I said so answer, and that doesn’t tell me why I am asking is a bad thing, recently I asked her if I could go the weekend with my friend, I told her I would get all my homework done and I figured out what I needed to do but all she said was because I said so.

@viscaria1800 You definitely have a right to be upset at her “explanation” – because no parent should ever say that to their child. If parents took the time to legitimately explain their reasons, kids would be more willing to listen. Try talking to your dad one more time about it, but really explain to him how you feel in depth – again, without getting angry. He’s probably the only one who stands a chance of appealing to her. Plus, he’s your dad – he should have a say in how things are done, too.

Asking ‘why?’ to everything she does you don’t agree with is asking for a lame reason. Because I said so is an easy one. A parent should not have to explain their reasoning in detail, but walking away from the topic and returning to it a day or two later might help open her up. If you condition her by your behavior so much that she expects you to argue with every decision she won’t put that much effort into explaining it to you. If someone throws a fit or complains you’re not gonna care about explaining the motives. Immaturity gets immaturity back. Just accept her decision and walk away from it. Even if it pisses you off. Don’t beg, don’t plead, don’t bargain, don’t cry and don’t whine.

Like I said, wait and then if you just ask “I know you didn’t want me doing ________________. But I don’t understand why. I don’t want to argue with the decision, I know it’s been made and won’t be changed but I’d like to know so I can understand what I need to do to earn that kind of privilege in the future. Is there anything I can do to work towards that?”

Maybe she might lay it out for you. My mom did.

I’e been in your shoes and I know it sucks. My mom was very overprotective and didn’t always give me a reason for it other than, “Because I said so”. Parents do that a lot. It doesn’t make it right, but you have to remember that sometimes we parents get so fed up with our children arguing with our decisions that we feel to frustrated to say anything other than “Because I said so” just to end the argument. This feeling of being trapped will pass with age, and you will someday learn to appreciate that your parents love you enough to protect you.

I’d also like to say that you should thank your lucky stars that you have a warm home and parents who obviously care about you, instead of drug addict parents who abuse you. Do you have a home? Do you have a bed to sleep in? Do you have food to eat? Do you have clean clothes? Then deal with your angst and try telling them “thank you” sometime.

There’s also a known kid cheat for getting your own way all sneaky-like. If a parent says no, start doing things in advance of whatever event you wanted to go to. Do the dishes after school before anyone mentions chores, clean up the living room, make dinner for her, do your laundry, etc but do several over the course of the week. Then a day or two before the event you casually mention who was going and some other stuff about school. Sometimes it can make them more receptive if it’s followed by all your good deeds and they might give you permission after reconsidering. Works sometimes.

Of course, it works better if you do it before you get turned down.

Is it really that you can’t handle that she has restrictions for you or is it that your friends have parents who let them go and do anything they want and you are envious?
Or is it your pals are always questioning your parents strickness and you feel different from you friends?
Before talking to your parents make sure your motives are justified. Make sure you aren’t doing like every other teen and wanting to do like all your pals and become a carbon copy of your pals.
It would be easy for a parent to give in and give a child everything they want and cross their fingers and hope for the best. But it sounds to me like your mom is simply taking her role as parent seriously. Yes, some parents can go over board but she has an obligation to keep you safe and she is trying to do that.
She is probably aware how much you want to be like your friends and she wants you to be independant in thought.
My kids use to ask me the same thing. Why can’t I go here and do this or that like the other kids.
My answer use to be that I certainly did not bring them into this world to watch them end up on some milk carton because I wanted to show I trust them.
I trusted them just fine. It was the rest of the world I didn’t trust. Being a teenager that grew up in the city I was quickly made aware at how some inmature choices may have turned south in a hurry. I wasn’t really clever. Just lucky to have gotten out of some hairy situations. I then understood why my mother would try so hard to protect me from trying to forge out into the world before I was ready to handle all the different people in it.
I’ve gone to parties with friends who left without telling me and I had to go home alone in the dark and run from people chasing me.
I’ve had to fend off a boy who tried to get too frisky because I smiled at him and took his offer to take me home. He was a friend and that was all. If it weren’t for another friend who knew what he was planning and interupted him, it wouldn’t have ended well.
At 14 you trust a lot of people who shouldn’t be trusted. You mom is simply trying to protect you and maintain your innocence till you can recognize the dangers that exist around you.
Right now you think all is good around you because you are in a protective home.
She will give you time to make your own mistakes in good time. Only at 14 you are still too young and fragile to endure anything harsh and know how to deal with it.
By the time I was 18, Two of my friends left school to raise their babies, and 3 others where raped. I was lucky I wasn’t one of them added to the statistics.
BTW, rape and murder where rare back then. Now it seems to be very common place.
Show her how mature you can be and discuss what she may need to feel you are in a safe place when you are out. Maybe have her drop you off and pick you up.

@viscaria1800, what you’re going through is really normal, especially if you’re an only or the oldest. Part of parenting gets really scary and hard when your first one hits the teenage years, and you really aren’t quite sure what the boundaries are or should be. Parents often say “Because I said so” when they really aren’t sure what to say or how to react.

A 14 year-old, slamming doors, stomping around, yelling “You’re so mean! I hate you guys” only will further a parent’s resolve that you are not able to handle more freedom, because frankly, it looks just like a two year old having a temper tantrum. The time to have discussions about more freedom is when things are going okay, and you can have a rational discussion. Make sure that you give your parents advanced notice when you are going to ask to do something, and don’t spring something on them last minute. Make sure you’re demonstrating responsible behavior – doing your chores, homework, etc. without being told, picking up after yourself, doing extra things without being told.

At 14, it’s not unreasonable to be able to go to school events or to a movie with a group of friends. You should be able to have friends over, and go to parties at other people’s houses. You should not be dating boys that can drive, or be hanging out with boys more than a year or two older than you. I made sure that I knew most of the parents of kids my children were hanging out with, until they were of age when they were driving themselves.

If you feel like you can’t talk to your parents about needing more opportunities to socialize, then perhaps writing them an e-mail to state your side of things might be in order. That way, you can have your say without having them interrupt you, and will give them time to think about your side of things before they respond.

One way you can prove to your parents that you are mature enough to do things is to actually listen to what they say, and give responses that aren’t arguments, but rather efforts to show you understand why they are saying stuff.

Example: Mom, I understand why you want to know more about my friends and where I am going. How about we have a picnic so you can meet their parents?

Yeah! Have a picnik! ;) cheer up kid. I was where you were, and I pushed to the point that no one wanted me, which is what I wanted. At fourteen I was addicted to cocaine, had been smoking since I was half that, I WAS added to the statistics, raped by someone I knew and trusted and who knew and trusted others I knew and trusted. You never see something like that coming. And I had taken martial arts for years but it doesnt do you any good when you are wasted. When I was done experimenting in my life there was permanent dmamage. All by your age. My mom wouldn’t let me come home. My dad didn’t want me. And to top it off I was arressted on charges of uttering counterfeit money. I struggled for four years after that. I had a ver abusive relationship leading to a very traumatic miscarriage, and eventually in the first love of my life, the reason I had pushed so hard to leave in the first place, went to prison for many years (where he still is today) and left me with a whole heap of shit to deal with… *pardon my expression. I ended up basically homeless with a dog. Wow. I had never thought my life would end up ther. Me and him we were like Bonnie and Clyde. But Clyde became addicted to crack and started to beat the shit out of Bonnie, who he’d never laid hands on before, for no apparent reason. I guess what I am saying is, I know you have your own reasons to push, but maybe you can take something away from my mistakes. Just know it is a very cold world out there. Some things aren’t worth the risk. I found out why my mom had fought so hard to keep me locked in her house and then suddenly refused to let me back in. She thought I was going to die. She thoguht I was killing myself everytime I stepped out the door. So pretty please, I know it can be fun to learn the hard way, but take it from me, it can suck REALLY REALLY bad. so enjoy the free rent and do what it takes to stay there as long as you can (reasonably). Had I finished high school and gone straight to college, I wouldn’t have the scars I do today. Scars arent pretty kid. You don’t want scars like these. There are some things that aren’t worth learning the hard way. DOn’t get me wrong it got me where I am today (and I couldn’t be happier now) but it took a long hard struggle to get back to where I am from where I got to. It was rough and I don’t recommend it.

Im only eleven years old and i still want to live with a relative. I can’t stand how my parents treat me. I even tried killing myself over last month. I ended up in a mental hospital for two months. Im not the problem. They are. I want to escape this life.