Should I keep musing about him?

You haven’t had any contact with him in two years? Unless you have plans to come to university in the United States, you probably will not meet up with him again. Have you thought about friending him on Facebook, and seeing if he remembers you?

It sounds like he has become a romantic ideal. Over time, what you remember about a person is much more perfect than the person really is.

It would probably be wisest for you to move on. There is no harm in contacting him via facebook, but you never actually knew him. You have spent the last three years consistently thinking and fantasizing about someone with whom you’ve never even spoken. It is fully possible that you could become great friends if you were to contact him. However, it is far more likely that you have mentally turned him into a person that doesn’t even exist. You have imagined how he would handle certain situations, how he would treat you, what he would find funny, etc., but you don’t actually know anything about him. Even if you had gotten to know him a little, it’s almost guaranteed that he has changed considerably in the last three years. You essentially have a crush on someone that is the product of you imagination and romantic ideals rather than an actual person. I’m not saying it could never work, just that it’s unlikely. It would be very difficult for you to approach him as an actual person and get to know him without being disappointed that he isn’t who you have imagined him to be.

Oh! And welcome to Fluther, @kizo. You have found a wonderful community. I hope you decide to stick around.

@BarnacleBill & @bobbinhood, you make sense!
It’s all very unlikely.
I sure have envisaged how he’d react to certain things and that was the exciting part!
But then, there are real people I can actually interact with.
Bill, it’s not like I think he’s perfect – I don’t like his face but I didn’t/wouldn’t mind coz I thought I loved him (as in involuntarily).
I’ll get on with my life and just love back the people that actively love me. Besides, it’s not like I need him or any other guy now… Sometimes, I wouldn’t mull over him for over a month!
I’ll stick around!!

@kizo I’m glad this makes sense. I agree that it can be exciting to imagine conversations and situations and how someone would react in them, but it certainly would be difficult for him to live up to your imagination (especially if he’s not a mind reader). I hope your real relationships can now receive some of the energy you had been devoting to him. They’re definitely worth it. :)

I am not clear what you mean by “musing.” I’ll try to answer anyway.

I think it is no big deal to contact him via Facebook. After all, you do know him. Just friend him and maybe write a couple of messages about whether he remembers his time in Africa and what did he think, and maybe about your hopes and dreams and then let it drop. This is not about finding a relationship. It’s about making a friend.

As to love—you’re new to this, so you can’t know yet—don’t take your “soulmate” feelings so seriously. They are largely based on chemicals in your mind. You look, you see something you like, and your mind provides this rush that makes you feel like you’re with Mr. Perfect for you. If you’re like most people, this will happen many times in your life. There are only a few for whom it happens but once.

Your relationships with the people who are physically there are one kind of relationship. They tend to be more rewarding because you can touch each other. Your relationships with people on the internet are virtual relationships. They take place mostly in your mind. You may think you are basing it on a real person, but 90% of what you think is the other person is a story you make up in your mind based on the little you know. Just be aware of that.