I don't want to do this anymore, and I just want to drive somewhere, where do I go?

Do you have any friends or family that you can call to talk to? Maybe get together with? Are you sober right now?

@DrasticDreamer Unfortunately it has not helped at all yet. I have talked at great length with a few closer friends, and I am trying to distract myself daily with everything… work, games, friends, anything. I even got a cat. But its not working. Even if it works temporarily, when I’m alone again… its just the same… If i’m not just depressed the whole time. And no matter what, at the end of the night when I’m laying in bed, I’m completely alone… And I can’t avoid my thoughts anymore.

I really just want to go away.

I know the feeling

I can’t count how many times I’ve had that feeling. I’ve never gone though, because I could never let my friends and family down by disappearing. If were going to go, though, I would just get in the car and head anywhere. At each intersection, I’d flip a coin to decide which way to go. Eventually, I’d end up in California, I think. But the road inbetween would show me a lot of people, and who knows, maybe one of them would click with me.

@tedd I promise you that you’re not alone. As much as some of us feel that way sometimes, there is at least someone who will miss you horribly if you end things. My best friend thought he was alone, and he killed himself. I can tell you now… He was never alone. I loved him more than I can possibly describe. His death shattered my life, and it’s coming up on a year that he’s been gone. His death completely destroyed my life.

If I could go back in time, I would grab him and hold him, and tell him how much he meant to me, and how much I loved him. If some of your friends and family truly understood the depth of what you’re going through right now, I promise you that they would do the same thing. It’s not that no one cares – they just don’t know or possibly understand. But you are loved.

You need to talk to someone. Be it a friend, family member, or a counselor – you need to. Don’t hold in your feelings. Pour them out to someone you feel that you can trust. I’m very willing to talk with you, to listen and try to help you. I know I’m just a stranger on the internet, but I really do care.

@wundayatta I have no family to worry of. I have nothing major holding me here besides employment and a few belongings.

Don’t go anywhere. Stay here and listen to these good people. We all have problems we want to run away from, but running doesn’t help. Please take the good advice from everyone here.

Might I suggest this. ( and yes I have done it- I know that suffocating trapped feeling you are having)

Pack a bag with three days clothes, fill the gas tank and just drive.

I call it a bohemian getaway and it clears the mind and nurtures the soul. When you return 3 days later it is with a new perspective.

1–800-SUICIDE
1–800-273-TALK

@tedd after reading @Vunessuh‘s post – are you looking for an emotional getaway or are you suicidal?

Because with a Bohemian you can get away from your confines and daily grind but you cannot escape from yourself.

@Dog maybe a little bit of both…. I just need to get away.

Part of leaving is to see if anyone notices. To call home after a while and to see if people were worried. The problem with that is that few people really do notice. They say they do but if you stay gone, they forget about you after a while. Most people only matter to others if you interact with them. Out of sight, out of mind.

So if you’re going to see in anyone cares, don’t. It will always disappoint you. Besides which, no amount of people professing to care will make a dent in your feelings of worthlessness. Ah, I shouldn’t say that. That was my experience. I hope you are different and that when people say they care, you will feel it and believe it.

There are three people in the world who really care about me: my wife and my kids. For everyone else, I’m replaceable. I would like to think I’m not, but I’ve seen it happen all the time with others. And people have told me I’m not replaceable—coworkers, for example, and yet I got fired anyway, and the company went on with no problem. Someone dies, and you think you can’t live without them, and then you do live.

When I wanted to kill myself, I thought often of walking out the door and not coming back. I wanted to see how far down I would fall. But I never did take that walk. Eventually, things started to get better. It took forever, it seemed, but they did improve.

That desire to drive—to hear the sound of your wheels riding the pavement late at night. It’s a romantic feeling. You imagine coming to a truck stop at three or four in the morning, and you walk in, dust and weariness all over your face, and the waitress comes up to pour you a cup of coffee, sees how you are, and takes you in, and makes you all better.

You can drive an awful long time before you find that waitress. Most likely, you’ll run out of road before you meet her. That waitress is not out there, anywhere. The road runs on and on and eventually you realize that not only are you not getting anywhere, but the journey doesn’t mean what you thought it meant. But that’s the kind of thing you probably have to learn from experience. Although, not necessary literally on the road.

Do you hear me? It would be good if you do, because that would mean at least one of us understands.

Geographic cures never work, the problem goes with you because you are the problem. You must get your own head straight. Find a counselor, find a group, talk about the stuff in your head, then you can be a spectator of it instead of a victim of it. Trite saying but it’s true. AA is full of trite little sayings that save lives. You are only as sick as your secrets, this too shall pass. If you can’t find any other help go to an AA meeting or an ACOA meeting and just listen.

@wundayatta I do hear you, I do understand. I dont’ want to leave to see if people notice, because honestly it would probably be a few days before anyone other than my boss did notice. I just want to go… i want to not be here.

@tedd Has this been ongoing? Have you considered that a part of what is messing you up can be improved and inner- peace restored with the help of your doctor and a mild course of anti-depressants? I realize it feels weird to reach out this way but it seems like you are living in a depression hell. I bet you think horrible thoughts all day. I bet you have lost any enjoyment in stuff you used to like to do… If so you are where I was.

Please consider getting on a mild antidepressant and hold on for the couple of weeks it takes to balance the chemicals in your brain. Just hang on for that. Make it a short term goal.

After this if you still need a Bohemian getaway I will tell you of the awesome adventures you can have!

…I don’t know exactly how similar our situations are, but lately I’ve been beginning to think it’s not such an unusual state to be in. I wanted to get away from everything in my life too, just because I couldn’t take it anymore. I didn’t literally drive away but I did metaphorically, in a way, and when I had to return I felt even crappier because I realized there was a lot in my life that I was now so far away from that I didn’t want to be…
I don’t know if this is the case for you for sure, but I’d really consider that it might be. Don’t just run away with no idea of what you’re running to, because chances are there are some things you don’t realize you’ll miss until you miss them. I’m still kicking myself for running, because I’m now staring through a window at what I used to have; running didn’t help.
What would have helped more was me pinpointing the things in my life that were bothering me and dealing with those isolated things. Because as much as it feels like your whole life is the problem, there is some good in it that you might not be seeing just now, because other things are in the way.
The hard part is that you probably won’t be able to effectively separate what’s working from what’s not on your own. I suggest taking help, especially help that’s being offered, even if it seems too hard, because it’s actually in many ways much easier than running away from everything. You’ll get to keep the good if you stay and work through it.
And trust me, you want to keep the good.

I am just a mess…. and I really just want to drive away. I’m trying to fix my problems in my life… but they’re so far from fixed, and will take time. I just don’t want to do it anymore. I just want to drive away, or join the army, or SOMETHING.

@tedd Will you consider talking to a counselor? I asked Tigh to see about it, and to also look into medication, and he did. He made an appointment because he knew how bad things were getting for him, but it was too late for him. It’s not for you, though. If you decide to do that, and you’re uncomfortable with the person you talk to, you can find a new one. And you can keep doing it, until you’re comfortable.

@tedd Is it you really want to get away or is it your tired of handling everything yourself, mixed in with a little bit of lonely?

You can do as people suggested and seek professional help. That would be wise since you may be suffering from depression. People who do sometimes don’t realize it themselves.
However, if it is just the I am tired and lonely blues, or sick of my job, or sick of getting nowhere fast than a drive may not be enough.
You may have to do the one thing you are avoiding. Apply for jobs that are more to your liking and who may appreciate your skills more.
If that isn’t it, and your just bored and tired than a vacation may be in order.
Plan a vacation to somewhere you really want to go. Take a few days off. Go with a best friend if possible. Sometimes, just planning and knowing it is around the corner is enough to lighten your mood. Go somewhere sunny and tropical.
Or do something exciting like white water rafting.
Sometimes the daily chore of life can suck the life out of us. Find something that will help light that fire. Volunteer tutoring afterschool kids.
Whatever you decide. Don’t do anything rash that you may regret while you are feeling this way. Give anything enough time and it will become simply the past.
Doesn’t mean it has to be your future forever.
We all have our crappy moments in time. They always pass.
And have the courage to believe that your happiness lays in your hands. No body elses. You can make your life happy but first you have to believe you can do it.
Also have a good cry. Sometimes that is all you need to wipe all the stresses of the world away.
It has always helped me to clear the cobwebs away.
Whenever I was completely overwhelmed, I would cry tears for all the things that have made me miserable and then promise myself that in the morning I will let it all go and look forward to a chance to change all the things I can and accept with grace all the things I have no control over and let them go.
Good Luck. I hope you feel better soon and that you will let us know what your plans are. I look forward to hearing your hopes for tomorrow.
Oh, another thing I recommend highly is go get a full body massage and pedicure. You will feel so relaxed that by the time you leave you will think another person took over your body.
Awesome experience.

Just driving away to some unknown place is not likely to help you, but could create more problems for you. In your current state of mind you could have an accident or worse yet, cause an accident. First I would suggest that you contact the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1–800-273-TALK (8255).

@DrasticDreamer has it right. Even if a suicide only affects one other person, it can totally wreck that survivor’s life for the rest of their life. Suicide is not a solution it, creates so much pain for the people that are left behind and at least some of them are likely to fall in depression and also consider suicide because they are left with all kinds of guilt and “if I could have only’s.”

You say you have no family to worry of. Not sure what that means. Do you have any familly members that are living? If so, you should reach out to them, even if you think they won’t understand (because they might not) but that doesn’t mean that they don’t care about you and wouldn’t be devastated if you disappeared. You’ve already said that you have talked at length with your friends. Pick one or two of them and tell them that you need to seek counseling immediately and ask them to help you find a good counselor and help you make an appointment.

Tomorrow, go to your HR (Human Resources) rep at work and let that person know that you need to take a medical leave of absence and that you need to seek counseling. The HR person may be able to help you find a counselor immediately. If you have a primary care physician, call that person tomorrow also, they will be the most likely person to help you with a referral to some good counseling. If you also go to school, your health center will be able to direct you to some good counseling.

Have a friend with you when you make the appointment and have a friend GO with you to the appointments. @Dog is correct when saying that you should probably be on a course of anti-depressants. They can help to put you in a more normal state of mind, in which you can make better decisions based on what is most likely to help you in the long run. The short run always stinks! The anti-depressants and counseling can help you get past the immediate pain so that you can think more clearly and make some decisions about what you need to do in the long run.

There will be time for getaways and @Dog apparently has lots of ideas to give you on that subject. Once you are feeling better, or more normal or just simply ok, then you can go on that trip. Bring a good friend or two with you. Go camping, go to a resort, go to Burning Man, go to Comic Con, go to Disneyland, go to Hawaii or Alaska. But go, as a living, breathing human being who appreciates that there is a lot that life has to offer, even if it’s not exactly the perfect idea of what life should be. There are plenty of disappointments along the long road called life, but there are also a lot of amazing, fabulous moments. But sometimes those moments are small and simple. They might be found in the scent of of an open fire in the middle of a forest, or in the sound of children’s laughter at a holiday gathering. Sometimes they are found in the taste of a really great meal, one that we can learn to make for ourselves. Great moments are rarely profound, they are just moments that are noticed in the course of every day life. Moments that make us smile and make us feel normal.

Life is not easy. Life is often unfair. Life is not usually how we expect it to be and we almost never end up with who we think we should be with or the job we think we should have. But if we give it a try, life can be good. It can’t be forced and we can’t always have what we think we want or deserve. But if we get those things that we actually need (food, water, shelter, humor, a few (or one) good friend, then we can make it if we allow ourselves to make it.

@tedd Depression is very painful, and sometimes it seems like it will never end and your only way to stop it is to die. I know you don’t want to die. None of us do. But the pain—I don’t think anyone who hasn’t been there can imagine what it’s like. I know I couldn’t. I know I was full of happy positive ideas for folks with depression before I got one.

I do know that I survived. It was the meds that gave me room to breath. I know you don’t want meds, but man, this is really serious, and they really can help. You don’t have to do it all on your own. In fact, most people need help of one kind or another.

Regardless of the circumstances that led you into depression, you are now way further in than those circumstances warrant. You tripped a tipping point in your brain, and it is now running headlong into destruction. You can stop it. You can stop it. With a little help—it’ll be so much easier to stop it.

Oh shit! I know how hard it can be to make an appointment to see anyone when you’re like this. I don’t think I would have, but my wife did it for me. I think you said there’s one person who you know who might help? If you tell that person what trouble you are in, maybe they could help you get on the path to recovery.

Right now, you probably don’t even think you’re worth it. I’m not going to bullshit you and tell you you are worth it because if you don’t believe it, my words will sound fake, and if you do believe it, you already know. If you give it a chance though, you will most likely be able to get to a place where you feel you are worth it. Lots of us have. It’s worth a shot.

I don’t know what else to tell you, except to focus on the part of you that doesn’t want to die, and to find that inner part of you that still hopes this pain will go away. I know it’s there and you know it’s there although you’ve stuffed it the hell far away. You don’t want to die, really. You do want the pain to stop. Believe that part of you that hopes. Please.

Paxil saved my life.

It restored my normal self.

It stopped the unrelenting pain.

It allowed me to feel and enjoy again.

There are several antidepressants out there aside of Paxil- you may be offered another.

When offered TAKE IT. Death is permanent and right now you are not living.

I just need to get away…... does anyone have an idea where to go? Anything?

I think what you’re feeling isn’t that out of the ordinary. My life isn’t a mess and I’m generally happy with everything, but I know the feeling you have to want to get away and just drive. Honestly, if you can do it, then do it. Driving alone for a long distance is a crazy experience, so I hear. I’ve never done it though. But if you wanna go somewhere, GO! I assume you are in the USA. Where are you? Within 24 hours you could be somewhere totally different and so beautiful that maybe it could take your mind off whatever your problems are. Nature is magical like that. Drive to Utah. It’s amazing. Drive to a beach. Drive through the Smoky Mountains. Drive to Colorado! Go on some old country roads in Kansas. I’m almost jealous that you have the opportunity to just go. Not many people do. And, feel better. Please.

@tedd, It really depends on several factors. Is your car in good condition for a long trip. How long do you plan to go away for, and how much money are you looking to spend and where do you live.
I mean if you are only planning to get away for a weekend and you live on the east coast, than what would be the sense in sending you to San Francisco.