Is it reasonable to give your boss feedback about his/her management style, and if so, how?

Most people hold their tongues and find another job when they can’t stand it any more. This, obviously, is not helpful. So that means taking a risk and getting a meeting with boss, and running the meeting, and telling him the things that his management style causes, and asking him to make specific changes.

He might freak out and fire you. So it might be better to go in with the whole crew, although he’ll know who organized it.

He also might listen and be surprised at how people feel. He might be willing to try to do something about it.

How can you make it more likely he listens instead of firing you? Like I say, collective action helps. Or you might try some softer approach, but you can’t let him mistake you for a patsy. When you get there, you have to be firm. Let him know that you will be talking and he should shut his trap and listen for once. (Well, not in those terms).

I’m sure others have ideas about how to get someone who doesn’t like to listen to listen to you. The big problem is avoiding his defensiveness. He will get defensive, most likely, and you need a strategy to deal with that. You should ask that.

Yep, it’s a gamble, some people cannot hear anything they perecieve as even the slightest criticism without becoming highly defensive.

Regardless though you do have an obligation to yourself first and foremost of all to speak up even it your words fall on deaf and defensive ears.

No job, relationship, or any situation merits poor treatment and if someone cannot ‘hear’ you, that is their problem not yours, as long as you are being diplomatic and sincere and not defensive yourself.

A good boss/manager WANTS honest feedback from his employees and will be able to listen to your feelings as will anyone that values you as a friend, lover or employee.

Life is too short to kiss ass and walk on eggshells…speak up, change the situation or leave.

The only 3 options, the rest is insanity.

I have made this my mantra for some years now and it works for me…if you lose your job then so be it, be true to yourself and don’t allow anyone to enslave you with their manipulations.

How? Anonymously

The specific example that you gave about asking for permission to do something and cc’ing the bookkeeper was a red flag that this guy has an ego problem.

Also, another reason he could be refusing to get a purchasing card for the department is that he has control issues.

I think you risk your academic career trying to confront this asshole.

Universities are not corporations where there is a human resources department to provide some protection.

First, think through what having this guy thinking or talking badly about you can do to you.

Then, think through what options you have for your degree if you get sideways with this guy.

Weigh those two things against how long you have to be under his thumb to finish. Perhaps laughing at him to yourself is enough.

I had a boss that had number 1 and number 3 issues. In the eight years that she was my boss, I brought up these issues during my reviews. Sometimes she would tell me she would work on giving more positive feedback or praise and sometimes she would just shrug her shoulders. One time after a lot of the employees complained about her lack of praise she got a basket of candy and would give us one piece if she thought we did a good job on something. That felt so much like kindergarden that I refused to accept the candy. That was not the answer. She also never got around to the point of meetings until there was only a few minutes left. She talked about her kids mostly. She never changed and I would guess that no matter what you tell your boss, he won’t change.

Is he also the Dean of the Department? If not, I might make an appointment to see the Dean. I would have a very specific, factual list of one or two primary concerns (an anonymous letter to the Dean that doesn’t implicate you perhaps?)

Many university settings also have a mechanism for student feedback about professors. If your’s doesn’t, you may want to see what it would take to start one (you can get examples from many other schools). If every professor is required to get such anonymous feedback, it can be part of their annual reviews.

Don’t kill your career, but find a creative way to solve the problem that will benefit your education and that of those who follow in your footsteps.

1. I don’t think there’s much to do about this one. Some people are like that. It sucks, but that’s the way it is.

2. I assume the advantages of getting said card have already been explained to him? If so, is there someone else you can go to? Would it be worth the trouble?

3. Can you relate something random to the topic you want to discuss? “Yeah, Peyton Manning sure sucked yesterday… but not as much as this brain problem thing we have going on.” If not, schedule longer meetings.

4. My boss is like that sometimes. I feel your pain. Save yourself the trouble and e-mail the bookkeper separately.

No. This is what bars are for. You give your colleagues and friends feedback, or the bartender on the days and nights when they aren’t available. Be sure to tip him well on those days.

Sounds like an ex boss of mine. He probably doesn’t want to hear it, and considers himself above criticism. Maybe if you approached it from a different angle. If you could find some common ground for the two of you, you would be better able to steer him towards where you want him to go.
Are you going to need his goodwill? Will you need him to sign off on your dissertation at some point? You may just have to suck it up until your time with him is up, as he may be petty enough to abuse his “power” in a way that will impact you negatively.

Eek. If he’s a real paranoid dick then he probably thinks you blind cc’‘d the bookeeper on the email sent to him and so reacted all pissy.

You can’t do anything about an ADD person if they’re your boss or else it becomes discrimination/harassment and you’ll be the one replaced by another gifted eager student if he can manage it. As far as praise goes, good luck with that. Few people work where praise is a big priority, most people being focused on some stability, decent pay and some benefits.

And yet, studies show that next to more money, workers list feeling valued as their most important motivating factor in job satisfaction. Good managers understand this and make use of it.

That’s true, @Trillian. Thanks for that reminder.

We’re still going to need the new TPS Report by this Friday. Mmmm kay.

Playing the devil’s advocate here:
1. He regards your work is up to expectations, but does not see it as exemplary. Praise is not warranted, hard work and going beyond is expected, because it’s your career that you’re building. What you are doing well, you are doing for yourself.
2. While you all are colleagues, you are not peers. He is a tenured PhD, you are a grad student. You will move on, he will still be a tenured PhD with a new crop of grad students in the lab.
3. He doesn’t use the credit card for expenses because in the past, grad students have abused this priviledge, charging “nice-to-haves” as necessities.
4. Technology is sometimes overrated. Perhaps his view of necessary is different than yours. His lab, he wins.
5. ADD like symptoms – “absent-minded professor” comes to mind…
6. He and the bookkeeper are not peers, and although she may control process for expedition and in general make your life easier, including her on the e-mail was a faux pas on your part. She should have been consulted first, the process nailed down, and the steps she provided detailed in the e-mail to him. That makes you look professional.

@BarnacleBill: I guess I appreciate the alternate take on some level but it’s hard not to be insulted by a lot of what you wrote there. At the risk of getting defensive, regarding (1), other professors have gone out of their way to comment on our work and offer us letters of recommendation; my colleague and I are both on track to graduate faster than anyone in the lab (and most of the department) ever has; we are submitting a paper to arguably the top-ranked scientific journal, and so on.

He has never had a purchasing card for the lab, so your (3) is not an issue. Technology is sometimes overrated, and he certainly can make whatever rules he wants, but it is extremely frustrating and tiresome that he stubbornly insists on rules that inconvenience everyone around him, but not himself. He has every right to be a total dbag, but that in no way addresses that fact that he is being a dbag. And it doesn’t really help me manage him, either.

It was not intended to be my personal view; I meant to portray it from the perspective of your boss, who does sound like a bit of a jerk. I meant to give you a sense of what he could say if you took it upon yourself to give him an unsolicited performance review.

Academia attracts a lot of egos, as well as dinosaurs.

Ha, this person sounds so typical, you know? Those kinds hardly like any criticism in their direction so you’re stuck – I’m sorry.

This is encouraged at our company. This is how it should be done:

First talk about what you really appreciate and what should stay the same.

Then talk about what could be done more often because it’d really help (avoiding the pronoun you).

Then talk about what could be done less often because it’d really help (avoiding the pronoun you).

By the way, a boss should use the same approach.

@nikipedia What would be a growing edge for you? What would be a courageous move you could make that would still be sane and sober?