Why did you divorce/break up?

Never gone through both situations, but they say : “Divorce is not lack of love, it’s lack of friendship”

There’s TON’S of reasons why people break up and divorce. Each situation really is unique, but the recurring themes seem to relate to a loss of the desire to be in the relationship, or a realization that it was never really there.

I wonder about the causes for divorce as well when I meet someone or it is a family member. What I’ve found out is that it typically only provides one side.

My brother and his first wife of 20 years divorced, and my sisters and I lost a woman we considered our own sister because it became so heated. While there are more facts to support his side of the story, I know it isn’t black and white. Oh, how I miss her.

My first husband decided he didn’t want to be a husband or father anymore when our son was 10-months-old. We were preparing to go to his parents for Christmas the weekend after Christmas because we wanted our son’s first Christmas to be at home. He told me that he was going by himself and that he wasn’t coming back. He packed up his things and left on December 28, 2002. I didn’t try to stop him because my only focus was on my son at that point. He didn’t even try to take our son with him (not that I would have let him). He had visitation with our son a few times over the next few months and the last time he saw him was on March 23, 2003. He hasn’t wanted to see him since then and my son doesn’t remember him.

I was awarded sole physical and legal custody shortly after he stopped seeing our son. Now, my ex-husband is signing over his rights so that my husband can adopt my son (just waiting to get the paperwork from him so we can file it with the court). My son already has my last name (and therefore my husband’s last name). I had it legally changed after I got remarried.

I started watching Law and Order… with a notepad and pencil.

You only think I’m joking.

My wife and I divorced because she essentially wanted to live a “single” life. We got married young at 22, and she had pretty much been in serious relationships since high school years. She moved out to Vegas, we met, got married, everything was good, and then things started to drift apart. She started hanging out with new friends, and wanted to experience things as a “single” person.

Fortunately we never had any kids, just some financial ties, but it got to the point of almost simply having a roommate that slept in the same bed. By the time she said she was done, it was almost a mutual thing and we just went our separate ways.

If you’re divorced, why? How did it get to that?
My ex husband and I were strictly platonic best friends for several years before dating and marrying. During our marriage then we returned to our platonic state, stumped and further stumped when counseling shed no light as to why. We decided to preserve our awesome friendship and go separate ways. We’re still each other’s #1 fans.

If you’ve broken up, why? What happened?
I broke up with one partner after he cheated and I wasn’t any good at forgiving, the relationship just never had the appeal for me after. We split amicably.

I broke up with another partner when he started resenting my job (even though it supported us), complaining about us not going out anymore and criticizing my not being a vegetarian like him. The straw that broke this camel’s back is when he shared his concerns about me becoming obese after I’d gone from 90lbs to about 115lbs. Granted 115lbs makes me look chubby but nowhere near obese. That totally killed my esteem and sex drive.

I broke up with my last ex after 7 years because he developed a gambling addiction that cost us our two houses, two cars and any hopes of a future resembling anything I was interested in He was also an alcoholic and weed addict, never abusive to me but definitely one big ball of depression that seeped onto me to where I neglected my own health and was feeling hopless with the world. Since he wasn’t interested in stopping any of his behaviors then I put myself first and went on alone to try to live the rest of life with passion again.

One evening at dinner, I looked at him and said “Do you think we oughta break up?” and he said “Yeah, probably”, and we enjoyed the rest of our meal and the movie that followed.

After 7 years, the magic was gone and we were more like siblings. He’s still my best friend, we even lived together afterward.

I think the major reason relationships break apart is lack of communication and people changing over time.

Because he was verbally, physically and emotionally abusive and , when his mid-life crisis started, he began running around with women half his age. He was on the phone at midnight often; I couldn’t sleep. Somehow, I survived. He never remarried.
How unique. How original. I always expected more from him than this.

I got married very young to a man I saw as an escape from the situation at home. In retrospect I chose him because he was the exact opposite of every single man in my life to that point. He turned out to be a wolf in sheep’s clothing who was emotionally abusive and controlling. I stayed with him entirely too long because of my own issues with self-esteem. I finally got the nerve after 23 years and never looked back. He has turned out be quite a challenge post-break-up as he is completely incapable for taking responsibility for any of his actions his pattern during our marriage as well and has spent the entire time demonizing me to anyone who will listen – including the children we created together.

my ex had health issues and was on mulltiple meds for years. then she began to have mental health issues and became extremely abusive. It’s why I have custody of the kids an she only has visitation.

My spouse was cheating.

I consider myself a pretty generous person- but my spouse was one thing I refused to share.

Because my ex-girlfriend was channeling Satan.

- because I had lost all of my self-esteem
– because it was going to become physically violent (and I didn’t know which of us would get violent first)
– because I was the only one who wanted to work it out
– because he didn’t want to be a husband or parent
– because he told me he didn’t believe in God anymore… because no God would create me
– because I started to look forward to being called horrible names… since he was usually nice afterwards
– because if I had a daughter who was married to a man like him, I would want her to leave
– because when he accused me of cheating on him, I realized he was probably cheating on me.

And most importantly (according to my husband sitting next to me), so that I could meet my current husband.

Why did we divorce?
I used to say it was because he cheated on me. Fact of the matter is the marriage was over before it started. I don’t think we ever liked each other enough to stay together. I think we say each other as a way out of where we were. He cheated, I pulled away. We lived in the same place but had such separate lives, there was no marriage, only on paper.

I finally had enough when he became emotionally abusive to my child and myself. I walked out with virtually nothing to my name and took my daughter and that was it.

What happened next?
Got a better job, rented a place slowly put life back together.

What happened to our daughter?
He lied to her and often. Canceled visitations and decided to attend parties instead of spending time with her. We moved on. She and I went to the park, or bowling or any other number of activities. She got tired of the lies. It’s sad to see that happen, when you realize your child knows the truth.

Friends?
That is when you realize who your true friends really are. The ones that stick with you, no matter what. I had the ones that would call and tell me who he was dating. I didn’t care. I had the other ones that would call and play both sides. Like they thought I wouldn’t find out if I told them something, on purpose, to see how fast it got back to him. Then I had my two true friends. One still talks to both of us and the other stuck by my side and finally asked me what took me so long to leave.

It doesn’t bother me to talk about the divorce, I’d rather talk about the present, though. I’ve grown and changed so much, I’m a much happier, well-adjusted person, now.

We fought a lot. We were really crazy about each other the entire time, still are now though not currently in contact, but the fighting was too much to handle. He has PTSD and we both have fiery tempers – counseling did not work. I walked out the day he pulled a gun. I don’t think it was loaded, but it might have been the next time.

We dated again about five years later. The chemistry was still there and we had both grown a lot. Unfortunately, the fighting started again after a few months and I wasn’t willing to chance getting in too deep again. He may honestly be the love of my life thank god my husband, who I love dearly, is not on fluther but it just doesn’t work.

It is kind of too bad that we have such a passionate connection because we could be awesome friends if we could just get the love/lust out of the way. :\

My marriage is still going, although we came near to ending it. No. I think I’m exaggerating. We had some very serious problems but we both loved each other very much and have a lot invested in each other and love our kids like I never could have imagined. We just had some very serious problems that caused us to grow apart in liking each other and wanting each other.

I’ve had numerous breakups. Several were because I stopped being interested in my partner. Some came because I was not seeing reality very clearly, and just had no idea how to be in a relationship. Some came because I was acting out old old scripts, where I didn’t believe I was lovable. I both needed too much for my partner to be able to provide, and I had to push them away before they dumped me. It was nuts, and to some degree it is something I struggle with from time to time.

There was one relationship that I’ll never understand why we broke up. I had no clue it was coming. It set me into a depression that lasted for two years. This was my first relationship ever. I am long over it, and have no desire to get back to it. From what I understand she has changed in ways I could not tolerate at this time. But it still doesn’t make sense to me.

I was 28, and my ex had just turned 21. I had already had my party years, and felt them behind me. But I supported her, and even encouraged her, to go out and live it up like a normal 21 year old. I stayed at home with our daughter secure in the fact that we loved each other, and trusting her absolutely. Which was the dumbest thing I’ve ever done. Apparently, love and trust mean not a thing when she was wasted, and she slept with at least half a dozen guys behind my back in the matter of a few months.

At the same time, She landed a very well paying job at the casino two days after her 21st birthday. So well paying, in fact, that I quit my stable 9–5 office job (which was nothing to be ashamed of, money-wise, but simply was not on par with the dough she was raking in) to be the primary caretaker of our daughter, since the hours at the casino were late and long. I took a part time gig at a restaurant cooking just to have a few bucks in my pocket. I think this contributed to the failure of our relationship, and the betrayals afterwards. Instead of seeing me come home in a tie every day at 5, and being the bread winner of the family, she saw a guy sitting at home all day, only occasionally putting on a t-shirt and going to work as a lowly cook. Even though it was a mutual decision to do so for the good of the family, I think she saw it as emasculating, and lost a good deal of respect for me. Which I feel contributed to her infidelity.

There were many reasons I left my husband after 15 years.
I married too young, and too fast. I didn’t get to know him well enough to determine if we were compatible. We were not. He’s a good person but not right for me at all. We couldn’t communicate without getting into fights. I’m probably too sensitive, and he could never figure out how to handle me. He was also controlling, and I felt he took the joy out of life. He never wanted to go anywhere. What else? Oh, he took my cat and dumped it somewhere across the highway, because it peed on the kitchen floor after he mopped it. I found it four months later, half-starved. Over time, I grew more and more unable to love him. Now that we’ve been apart for four years, and have healed, we are actually friendly with each other, and even joke about our relationships.

My life was pretty good, I thought, and my wife and I were in the best place we had been in our marriage…no more fights about money, responsibilities, other bs; we were in a good place.

Then my wife had an affair with our married, father of three, next door neighbor. After I found out, I told her if she could be honest, we could try to work it out. She kept lying, kept screwing around. I went with her to her shrink a month after I found out, and we talked about being transparent, etc. A week or so later, I checked her phone logs; she was still talking to him. When confronted, she was mad I was still checking up on her.

I knew then that she would never be honest, so I got divorced as quickly as possible.

Over the course of our separation and divorce, she continued to say how she wished we could work it out, how she loved me, how she wanted me to come home, how she would cry to our kids about how much she missed me.

Most of it was bullshit because she never put out any effort to regain my trust.

So what happened? I got half custody of my kids, all of our debt, owe her alimony for four and half more years, a 2 bedroom apartment (I share a room with my 6 year old, long story but my 11 year old needed her own space more than me), a new girlfriend. My house is in foreclosure as she is still in it, refuses to sell it and doesn’t make any type of payment.

I still miss the balance my life had, the person I thought my wife was (although that woman no longer exists in my mind).

I miss coming home.

I still feel sadness, especially for my girls and everything they go through. (They are doing very well with me, and I am amazed by it.)

He wanted children and I believed we couldn’t afford to give them the best because that’s what I believe you should give children and to be honest by then in many ways the magic had gone out of the relationship. His temper intimidated me and being a childish and selfish person I withdrew from the marriage for my nerves protection rather than try to argue.
That doesn’t mean I stopped being his friend. When he got married they stayed with me until their first born and I made friends with his new wife and she is a lovely person. A second baby came along and they moved a short way away so his wife and I and the children would often go out together but then they moved to Pakistan. When they did I was sad but that’s life, bitter and sweet. I wouldn’t change anything and occasionally we still catch up with each other.
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