How to deal with a husband that overspends money?

I would be pissed. My husband had all the top notch stuff growing up also. However, he luckily agreed he does not want to be in debt. We did hve a mortgage and leased cars when we were first married, but never had credit card debt, always paid them in full every month. I think part of what helps him control himself is he gets a kick out of watching his saving build, like he does the expensive car in the garage. Also, I think men tend to be goal oriented, can you both come up with a saving goal, not you telling him, but a financial plan you both create together? Oh, also calculate the interest you are paying every year on credit card debt, mortgage, cars, whatever applies, so he can see how big the number is, appeal to his logical side, have some data, maybe create a budget, don’t just complain about what he bought, becaise he will feel controlled I think. Although, if he is buying expensive things without consulting you, I think that is not good. Dave Ramsey may be good for him to listen to. My husband became more focused on having zero debt listening to him.

My question to you is, your husband’s parents had more money, but do they still have money? Or, did they spend it like him? I find how people think about saving tends to come from our parents. If his parents now worry about retirement money, then they can be a lesson not to follow. If they have plenty of retirement money, they might be able to impress upon him the need to save.

Also, what is he going to do if he loses his job or God Forbid gets sick and can’t work? Does he think about anything like that? Money is freedom and independence. If you have money you can quit when you hate your job, and fly to China if your best friend is in the Olympics the year it is in China. Having no savings means being a slave and at the mercy of whoever is paying you whether it be an employer or customers who patronize your business. Maybe if it is not about material things, but being free and financially secure he will think about it differently?

First, you cannot change him. Try to convince him to work up a budget with a professional financial planner.

You could write checks for savings accounts and try to get them depostied before he spends the money.

Read ’ Don’t sweat the small stuff in love.’

One of the passages says..’ Let him buy his lunch.’

As long as the bills are paid and you are able to save something, I agree, let him buy his lunch.

Comprimise is key but really, yes..you will have to learn to live with his spending habits most likely.

Perhaps you can work out a deal where he agrees if you save X amount per pay period he is ‘free’ to indulge a bit.

He tightens his belt a bit and you loosen yours.

I’d also keep my focus on the positives as well, be grateful that you don’t have a bar hopping philanderer for a husband, something a whole lot women get.

Work on a comprimising agreement and remember, he probably feels every bit as strongly as you do only from the other side of the coin, it is no fun at all to have a miserly partner either, one that takes all the joy out of the simplest things.

I lived with the opposite and I can tell you, I don’t do controlling cheapskate well at all.

See if you can get him to go to a Dave Ramsey’s Financial Peace class with you. Many churches run the program for a low cost or free.

@Coloma I got the impression they are in debt the way she said they have lots of bills. Maybe I made a bad assumption?

@Coloma I would agree with you if they didn’t have lots of debt already. Tell him if he can cut the debt down, he can have half the money that would otherwise go to interest payments, you get the other half.

Then buy him presents with half of what you get, while putting the rest away in a 401(k) or similar insterment that he can’t touch. Buying him little presents will give him an incentive to save, so you can buy him more stuff.

I must have missed the debt part, I read ‘bills’ as in regular monthly bills not as in ‘debt’?

Yes, I am debt free but I also believe in enjoying ones money. :-)

It may not be debt, but just high bills, we don’t know for sure I think?

Debt is correct. Debt he accumulated long before we met and debt we have acquired since we have been together. It’s not huge amounts, but its enough for us to struggle.. We are a young couple. He is 26 and I am 21.. Perhaps some of it is him needing a few more years. I had my first daughter at 16 so I think I’ve had more responsbility and he just hasn’t had a chance to learn much responsibility yet.

@coloma, lol, I am not a controlling cheapskate! I spend money too! I just make sure everything is taken care of before I do so and he doesn’t think like that. But you are right about everything else. And I am grateful for him.

Thank you all for your answers! I just needed somewhere to start because I dont want to argue about it . Instead I want to come up with a plan for us to learn to priortize better.

@kelly8906 convince him that if you could rid yourselves of the interest payments on the debt, he would be able to get more stuff. And he will enjoy it more.

Exactly what @WestRiverrat said, you have way more money when you don’t have debt. A little sacrifice now, means lots more money later.

One question to clarify: How are your family finances set up, who actually manages the money and who actually sits down and pays the bills? Is his paycheck direct deposited into a joint checking account and you both have ATM cards and can write checks on the account? How are you set up to pay your monthly bills? Does one of you sit down an write checks? Are there any automatic payments that are deducted from your bank account? Have you ever talked about monthly budgeting, about how much your rent or mortgage is, how much your utility payments are, how much your food and clothing expenses are?

And really, that small stuff is what sucks all the money out of your life, I think. When you look at the total monthly costs of buying lunch, spending two to five dollars a day on coffee, a couple of bucks here in the morning, a couple of buck there after lunch, a few more in the afternoon, along with 30 dollar car washes, some magazine, a few DVDs and CDs, a little toy here and there, and god knows what other piddling shit everyone has bought over the course of a month you can sometimes find that you’ve $500 dollars, if not quite a bit more, a month on nothing, really. You notice the big stuff and tend to keep an eye on in it and keep it under control, but the money that “leaks” out of your life every day, over the course of a month, and that over the course of the year is the thing that kills you, I think.

Over the course of our marriage the “money manager” role has gradually transitioned to me. Here’s how I worked it out:

My wife and I have separate checking accounts. I transfer a fixed amount to her checking account every week after I know I can cover savings/bills; she can do whatever she wants with it without my judgment/checking up on it.

@kelly8906 how much debt? Not that you have to answer something so specific about your finances, but what is very scary to me is if he has ongoing long term debt, that means to me for sure he is paying a lot of interest, it is like throwing money on the street. Here is a calculator to figure how much you actually are spending total, and how long it will take you to pay off your debt, and that is if you don’t add any new debt.

If he cant get a grip. You either accept it. Or cut him loose.
How important is it to you?

I’ve had numerous fights about this same topic. My boyfriend has really bad spending habits and he won’t change. We’ve been together 5 years. I just have to keep giving him gentle and not so gentle reminders about having to pay the bills and not over-spending and keeping track of how much he is spending. He is the bread winner and I’m not going to deny him from enjoying what he worked for, but he also needs reminding that he has other responsibilities.

As other people have said, add up all your debts and potential debts plus all the interest owed and show him the sum total. Then show him how much you can save by just paying everything down a little at a time.

Also if you plan on buying a house anytime soon, you’re debt to income is also a factor in whether you will be approved for a home loan. It is not just your credit score (this has to be at least 620 now and will rise in the near future).

The hard part in this situation is that he has to relearn how to spend money. This takes making a real effort on the individuals part. There are loads of way to pay off and stay out of debt, but one has to come to the realization that they need to do it and can do it on the income they have. In my experience that is the hardest thing to do. Unless a person is really willing to take ownership and look how they are spending their money they continue to go on with the same path. All I can recommend is to ask him where he wants to be financially in a finite point in the future and then start setting goals back to the present to get there and see if he “gets” it as you do it.