If you died today, what would people say about you at the funeral or in the obit?

They would be so heartbroken, not being able to say anything. Everyone, on the floor crying like babies. Eventually having to block me out of their memories in order to go on and function in their day to day lives.

Funny, if I’d died a few years ago, the governor would have sent flowers – might even have come to the funeral. Now I’m not even sure my friends would show up. That’s what happens when you retreat from the white-hot glare of public life. (That and being able to go to the grocery in pajama pants.)

That bastard owed me a tenner!?!

My obituary probably wouldn’t say very much. I’m not a particularly accomplished person. I don’t strive to be.

I do not want a funeral, so there will be no eulogy.

Wasn’t he a most peculiar man?

I thought the miserable son of a bitch was too mean to die. (Not really but I just felt like saying it)

MIlo has been working on my obit for a long time, but he keeps editing and won’t allow me to see the changes.

They aren’t going to have an opportunity. I am to be immediately crisped and put in a nice urn or an hour glass so someone can turn me over once in awhile and keep me moving. There won’t be anything more than a brief notice in the local paper and online. I just don’t believe in hard earned funds spent on my death….thousands spent for a couple platters of casserole and pots of soup aren’t worth it.
So I guess people will think me a tight wad even in death.

He was cremated,
His ashes were snorted,
His new Fluther name is KeithRichards1900

I don’t want a funeral.

I want to be cremated and have an internment with immediate family at the cemetery. Later, perhaps (a week later), a celebration of life for family and friends.

My Mom knew me best and one of the last things that she said before she died (about me): She’s a dancer and a dreamer. Her soul is flavorful and she has one of the biggest hearts of anyone that I know..”

Obit: Loving aunt, niece, sister, daughter, partner and friend. She was a “dancer, a dreamer, had a flavorful soul and a beautiful heart..”

I have a friend who was bemoaning this. So I wrote her an obituary, which she has filed. She lives on.

I don’t think there would be an obituary. My wife isn’t very good at that kind of thing.

I sure a few people would show up, mainly from my family. Maybe a few friends. Maybe my boss.

But it wouldn’t matter to me. They could burn me and dump me in the trash and it wouldn’t matter to me.

My son would be very upset. He’s very emotional. My wife would be upset because she’d become a single Mom and have to find a way to do the stuff I do. She might feel a bit lonely, but I don’t think I’ve been very good company for a while, but still, she’d feel lonely because that’s what widows are supposed to feel and she’s a good girl.

I don’t know exactly how my daughter would feel. She tends not to show her emotions. I think she would mostly be concerned about her brother and mother, and would try to take on too much responsibility.

But what does it matter? I won’t be here.

Oops. I answered the wrong question. What would they say about me? They’d say a few things about my hobbies. They might bullshit about what a family man I was. One thing they wouldn’t say is anything about fluther. Depending on how they felt, they might drop a few bombshells, but probably not. They’d say I enjoyed making music and dancing. They’d say I was a good employee who worked hard (because no one knows any better).

They’d go to a restaurant, tell a few stories, and then go their separate ways. My wife would grieve and work, work and grieve, getting a little comfort from her two best friends (one of whom just lost her husband), and eventually she’d get used to it. I don’t think I mean all that much in real life. More people on fluther would be upset than in real life, but no one would ever know. I’d just disappear.

I don’t know and I won’t be there to know.

I know what I’d like to have said:

She was a good friend, a good listener, and a lot of fun.

“I told him that bear looked hungry…”

She was damn funny.

If my family cremates me [something I’ve made clear I do not want] I’ve told them that I’ll be popping out of their closet at night or grabbing their ankles from under their bed. So, if they abide by my wishes and just plant me, they can say whatever they want. If they slip up and I get cremated, the eulogy had better have a really strong emphasis on my understanding and forgiving nature…..[but odds are I’m still grabbing someone’s ankles]

“Who?”

“I told him to not drink so many Mountain Dews.”

@ChazMaz

LOL

Mmmm..I think they would say that I was a bright, caring and rather colorful character.

Fair, forgiving, of high integrity, outspoken and humourous to a fault. ;-)

Oh..and they’d have to talk about my fetish for geese and mood lighting, everyone knows if they come to dinner at my place they will be showcased in the best possible light! lol

I don’t want anybody there. I want to be the last to go.

She’s never looked better! ;)

I lurve you, Lucy.

I have no idea what people would say. I’m thinking that most people there would just come to make sure I really am dead. I can only name 2 people that would really be sad.

@ChazMaz Too funny.

Hopefully, they’d say very little. I want to go through life as quietly, nonchalantly, and as smoothly as possible, without a lot of “hoop-la” or generating a lot of fanfare. Lol.

Mike was very misunderstood. People thought he didnt care when he actually cared more than most people. He was very opinionated and never conceded unless he was sure he was wrong. He would fart at the most inappropriate times such as during Thanksgiving Dinner, Christmas Morning, moments of silence, wedding, and funerals such as this one. He would brag about how big his poop was and insisted that everyone take a look before he flushed it down. He even posted pics of them on facebook. Mike was so proud of his enormous poops. He never flushed the toilet when he peed. Advocate of the if its yellow, let it mellow way of life. That’s if he even decided to pee in the toilet. Mike loved to piss on the ground he would sometimes pee in a snake hole or an ant hill. Usually choosing the same spot until it reeked of urine and all the plants in the spot have long died. Mike say horror movies as comedies and would actually cheer on the killer in the movies. He would pick out the charactor he hopes dies first. Mike was a great person. His toilet humor will be missed by all.

Unidentified body found in alley.

I don’t want a funeral, I want a party. I think there would be only a few people (all the others would be happy for my death, I have lots of enemies) and I would also be there as a ghost and I’d try to help those people feel happy and not sad. I’ll have magic powers yay yay. Noone would say anything about me, they’d only have to listen to my favorite song and remember how much I loved music. Yay yay I don’t want anyone to cry.

They’d be all like, man…I hope she doesn’t rise from the dead again…these funerals are gettin’ ‘spensive.

you know what, the good always die young….
that’s why i’m going to die old…

when eventually i do, people who knew me in my life would already be dead

Well, fancy that. According to the autopsy report, her heart was two sizes too small.

Don’t fire up that oven yet, I have one bullet left.

I know this doesn’t really answer the question, but I always liked the fact that Spike Milligan had “I told you I was ill” written on his gravestone.

@mama_cakes -Awwww!! Big hugs! and a beer XD

At least 35 years in the future:

Member Choctaw Nation of Oklahoma, Okla Chahta Clan of California, registered Native American artist, Mensa Member, needlecraft awards winner, youth volunteer, philosopher, philanthropist, survived by a loving husband of 75 years, two sons, 6 grandchildren, 8 great-grandchildren and 4 great-great grandchildren.

uh oh… who’s telling the fluther community she’s dead?

@lucillelucillelucille You know what happens when you feed this woman here beer. I like to wrestle with them hairy, greasy firemen who are wearing a bra and panties. Wrestle ‘em like a bear!! Sooo-eee!

@mama_cakes -XD I have heard of this happening before.I am still laughing about it

“He was a simple man who was prone to emotional outbursts when having his days old food thrown away”

Zombies…!!!

Good riddance!

“Her lasagne? Was to die for, I’m so not kidding. Whaaaat, it’s not like she can hear me! Sheesh!”

is she really dead yet? NO? why not!?