Have you ever intimidated someone with your intelligence?

I’ve had many guys tell me that they find me intimidating because of my intelligence…I’m not sure if that’s the same as finding my intelligence, on its own, intimidating. And I suppose the reason they find it intimidating is because I actually engage in conversation with them and challenge what they say if I disagree with it. I don’t think men in my general peer group (early to mid-20s) are necessarily used to that.

I do so with some people very close to me, and I think it’s because of the natural socratic approach I take to discussions. On most issues…I will bring up counter-examples constantly, pick out generalizations, and ask where something came from, and say whether it seems things are based on x assumptions, and I won’t quit. I’ve had people just shut down, or say “Whatever, you’re right.”

Often it’s as much frustration as intimidation – but I think that’s how you can get intimidated. When you are talking, and the person in the discussion eventually knows that you’re going to have something to come back with to counter or disprove a statement, they stop participating. I think it’s a natural side effect of people approaching such conversations more from a “debate” as opposed to “dialogue” perspective.

I personally don’t think I’m all that intelligent, really. I just think that I’m never satisified with an answer as right, and always want to question it.

I doubt it. In my experience most of the people that should be intimidated by a superior intelligence are too busy worrying about whether or not you have enough guns or muscles to be perceived as a threat.

Hahahaha! ALL THE TIME. Starting at home.

I’ll just say that once, at 8, I asked my aunt to explain the two creation stories I read in Genesis, and her brain exploded. Of course, I got a spanking and a week of no TV for my impertinence.

This kid at school one time was bullying one of my friends. Said he was as thick as two short planks. I defended him thus, “well planks are made of wood, wood makes paper, paper makes books, books make knowledge!” He was cut in two by my scathing if inaccurate riposte.

I am consistently intimidated by the intelligence of young children. Just today I heard a young boy claim…

“You know, if you see a bullfrog on top of a fence post, it’s a pretty good bet that he had help getting up there.”

Who knew?

I think that it is very arrogant for a person to think that his/her intelligence is intimidating. I never get intimidated by intelligence. Instead I welcome it. I never intimidated anyone with my intelligence. Most people are intelligent to a degree and nobody should ever find it intimidating.

People have told me so, on multiple occasions. Personally, I think the whole concept is absurd. In fact, when someone tells me that they feel that way, I am really saddened by it.

I know a man who’s doing a life sentence in maximum security prison for raping and suffocating his six month old daughter. He has an IQ barely south of 200. He is not allowed to be interviewed by one person alone with him, ever. The fear is that he will outsmart someone by themselves, and thus a group must be present whenever he is interviewed.

My grandmother is always telling me that my relationships don’t last because men don’t like smart girls. Thanks for the advice and a toast to the single life!

First of all, I am really irritated at the fact that a person can’t simply, factually, talk about themselves and their abilities without it being “arrogant”, “conceited”, or whatever.

I am neither one of those things. In fact, I am one of the most honestly humble people you will ever meet. I call a spade a spade, so yes, I have intimidated people with my intelligence. I don’t usually use my powers for evil, but I have, on occasion, done so intentionally. I have been told numerous times in my life that people have found me intimidating at first, which is the biggest joke to me because I am so shy, nervous, and self-conscious! I also try not to make people feel bad or anything, so it’s not like I’m doing it on purpose.

When I’m on my game, which is maybe 20% of the time (or less, ha), I would recommend not getting into verbal sparring matches with me.

that happens to me all the time, i try to help someone or answer a question and you can teel that the peeps around me are getting annoyed or intimidated.
they usually show this by ignoring you or making you feel the opposite of what you are.. dum.
but i dont mind most of the time.

I doubt that I have ever intimidated anyone by my intellegence. There might be some ‘ah-ha’ moment where they connect to what is said in response, but it is only if they can relate to what is being shared. Listen to what the person has to say, interpret the message effectively, and respond accordinly, and you have the perfect formula for connecting with someone no matter what their IQ is.

No but I’ve been intimidated by a three year old who kept asking ‘but why, but why’ until I ran out of answers.

lol, same here flutherother

I seriously doubt it !! LOL

Don’t test me. XD

I’ve never been aware of my intelligence intimidating anyone but I have been aware of my assertiveness being intimidating and my unwillingness to just role over has inspired both attempts at intimidation and anger.
I just assume there are always smarter people and less smart people…more educated people and less educated people…people with more or less experiences in certain areas. It’s all rather relative.

No, but I’ve been called a condescending prick on multiple occasions.

It happens to me all the time. It was much worse in school, where I was teased and bullied as long as I can remember. At least now, I realize that people who resort to name calling are the ones with the low self-esteem, and it’s their problem, not mine.

I’ve been told so a few times, particularly by managers asking me to rein in a little bit. And there were a couple of boyfriends who felt threatened. But in general I think it’s the sort of thing people are not likely to tell you because it puts them in a one-down position, as if you were doing it on purpose to make them feel bad. I’m afraid I can’t do anything about that.

To tell you the truth, the superior beauty, athletic prowess, musical talent, financial position, scientific understanding, leadership style, charisma, etc., etc., etc., of other people doesn’t intimidate me at all. I don’t understand why others aren’t as grateful as I am that skills, abilities, and talents are unevenly distributed across the population instead of being parceled out in equal measure to all.

I’ve had people at work tell me that they get the dictionary out in order to read my e-mails. I find that alarming.

I guess I’m not doing so bad. It happened to me once, and I found it very disturbing. It’s stayed with me a long time, in fact. I wonder where I went wrong. I don’t want to intimidate anyone in any way, shape or form. I go out of my way to try to be non-intimidating. So it was a shock, I guess.

I find intelligent interesting and it is also nice if a sharing personality comes along with that. I do not find intimidating people useful unless it is firmly standing down a conversation bully. Everyone should be heard in a conversation at some time during it…if they want to be and not over talked.
I have been told that I am a great proof reader/observer and have original paths of thought. But that is not intimidating. I think intimidating is bullying, no matter how.

I usually just get made fun of…...lol.

I would say yes. I think on certain topics my intelligence is evident, and now I know if the other person can’t keep up, or seems to be losing interest fast, to just change subjects or let it go. Obviously, even intelligent people don’t know everything about everything, that is knowledge, not necessarily IQ, but it seems people of lower IQ are less inclined to engage in conversations they know little about, rather than try to learn about the new topic, and some feel inadequate I guess? A remark like, “jleslie thinks she knows everything.” or an outside observer letting me know the conversation is too much for the other person. But this has happened very rarely, probably I can count on one hand.

@MissAnthrope: Right there with ya. I feel as if I must always preface my statements with things like, “I don’t mean to be arrogant, but…”

I wouldn’t say my intelligence intimidates anyone. However, I do hear, “Wow, you’re smart!” and “Hey, you’re smart, what do you think of this?” a lot.

When I was younger, I had a vocabulary that eclipsed that of some forty-somethings and that’s what intimidated people the most. It still does, but to a much lesser extent. Mostly, people say that I use “25 cent” words which makes me chuckle.

But guys named Richard always intimidate me, no matter what.

have you noticed how many of us think we’re pretty smart? :)

I’d rather be a smart ass.

Every day, I can’t turn it off. Nor do I want to. Doesn’t happen intentionally. It’s just the way I think – I follow a regiment of honesty. Thankfully most are cool with it – so all is well ;)

A lady I worked with at my first “real” job once took me aside to explain that what seems obvious to me requires thought and concentration for others. I can do something once and immediately understand how every part of the process fits together while others need to practice, take notes and have everything explained in detail. I just “get” things and that isn’t the case for everyone. She said it was intimidating to someone who has been in a job for years to have a 19 y/o come along and understand the job as well as they do within a couple of weeks.

My ex-husband said he was intimidated by my intelligence. He was bigger and stronger, but I could usually figure out a way to come out on top in a fight or argument.

Yes. Because it’s all I have. I have never been in a fight, nor do I ever want to be. I wouldn’t say it’s because of intelligence per se, I just have a way with words. I can’t frighten someone with the details of the mating habits of African Ants. But my razor sharp tongue can cut you up with Olympic grade insult articulation. My body lacks proper defenses. I bruise like a summer fruit. I don’t know how to hold up my fists without looking like a 1920’s boxer. I cower at the mention of a pick-up football game in the park. My words are my best defense. I keep them sharp & strong. I only use them if I have to. You’ve all been warned. :)

@KatawaGrey, I intimidate you? :( I’m sorry. I don’t mean to.

@rpmpseudonym: No, I was kidding! Awwww… :(

This happens to me with some people. I know because some people have told me (eg. when I first met you I was scared of you) and others have made comments like “you’re so smart” and I also sense it sometimes when speaking to people (they appear nervous). I definitely don’t do it purposefully (usually). In fact, I try to go out of my way to make people feel comfortable in my presence – it’s more important to me to be compassionate than to be the most intelligent. However, if someone crosses me, it’s one of my weapons to bring out the intelligent bitch.

Having a physical fight is not in the realm of possibility in my world – in a million years, it would never occur to me to try to physically fight with another person. I can’t imagine any situation in which I would ever try to fight with someone (unless I were being attacked by a rapist). In my world, it would mean I would immediately lose credibility and respect and would, therefore, lose.

I don’t understand the question.

What amazes me more than finding out how many people this has happened to, and how many people have experienced it so often, is finding out how many people are willing to label themselves as being intelligent or highly intelligent. Totally blows my mind. I go so far out of my way to dismiss any idea that I might be intelligent that that’s how I see myself.

Oh @Vunessuh. Don’t worry your pretty little head about it. [No, I’m absolutely genuine about that. There is no smile trying to turn up the corners of my mouth. Not one bit! ;-)]

I don’t think I ever have, at least not that I know of. It’s usually the other way around. I’m smart enough, I suppose, but I’m also something of an airhead and that kind of levels the playing field. It’s this damn Swiss cheese brain of mine. It’s not wired for intellectual intimidation.

Ricky didn’t get it either… “Lucy! Ju got sun splainin’ to do!”

I’m intimidated by those intelligent enough to speak multiple languages. I’ve never been able to grasp that. I also believe there is a certain earned intelligence that naturally comes to those who are well traveled throughout the world. My travels have been limited, but I don’t really know if I’m intimidated by that, or just plain jealous. Perhaps a combination of both.

Yes. @wundayatta . When you become accustomed to being odd and maybe dumbing it down to fit in… it is amazing to find that not only are you not alone, but you aren’t even the smartest one! Fabulous. Take me in. I am awed.

myself all the time

It’s implied on occasion, typically if the discussion is on something i’ve read around alot, but I can’t recall any time in which a person has specifically informed me that my intelligence intimidates them. If someone were to i’d be rather confused by the prospect; I appear rather dim at the best of times.

All the time. I am not allowed to have a partner when we play trivial pursuit. Everyone else is on 3–4 person teams. I never finished college, and some of them have Doctorate level degrees.

It is not that I am smarter than any of the people I play with, I just remember lots of almost useless information. That and I read 2–5 books a week, I think I have read about every book in our town’s small library.

@WestRiverrat I have a feeling you are very intelligent, at least as smart as your PhD friends, if not smarter. You to @wundayatta. Do either of you know your IQ? Intelligent people tend to suck up information, and part of IQ is memory, and organizing information in your brain so it connects up to other information, and you can derive answers and formulate hypothesis and new questions, based on knowledge you know about other topics. To people who do not do this as well, it seems like you know stuff out of thin air.

My brain is a trivia trap and I’m not allowed to play many games without a handicap. Really, I don’t see it as being “smarter” but having a good memory for things that don’t matter. Becoming a flutherite has taught me so much about what I don’t know and an appreciation for those who do know.

@JLeslie I don’t know. My teachers said I was uneducable in high school. So I had to take some kind of intelligence test. The proctors giving the test said it should probably take about 25–30 minutes.
I was there for 5 hours, and they ran out of questions.

I can’t remember the name of the test, but it was supposed to end when I got 3 questions in a row wrong. The school saw the results, but it would have cost us $1000 for me to get a copy of the results. The main proctor that gave me the test told my mother that far from being uneducable, I was so far ahead of the teachers that I intimidated them.

@WestRiverrat You can just call me brilliant for diagnosing you as having a high IQ.

@JLeslie That and a nickle will get you a cup of coffee where I live.

@WestRiverrat Just a nickle? :)

Yes, local cafe still only charges a nickle a cup for coffee, same as they did when they opened over 75 years ago.

Doh! People are intimidated by my sweetness.

^mmm, that was a tasty rat. Yes, surprisingly sweet.

@JLeslie I don’t know my IQ. Last time I took a test like an IQ test was my SATs thirty years ago. If I had to guess—not really knowing anything about how these scores are distributed, I’d say something between 115 and 125 maybe. Or maybe 110 to 120. But it doesn’t matter. People seem to have respect for my ideas whatever my IQ may be, and that’s all I care about. I like being respected. I have no desire to be intimidated or feared (should anyone fear me).

I also don’t really like knowing anyone else’s test score. I think intelligence is really more of a qualitative thing than a quantitative thing. I think the tests measure a person’s ability to well in the culture of the education system they belong to. It may also correlate with salary. Or maybe only job performance (because job performance is not always correlated with salary).

I think intelligence is about knowledge and ability to solve problems. It is possible to have an expertise that is not measured on intelligence tests. I always think of fishing as a good example of this. You may be a good fisherperson, and have a terrific amount of knowledge about fishing and how to solve the problems of fishing. But since IQ tests don’t test for that, and you might be unable to read, you’ll test very poorly.

I think we all have our struggles and we all have our strengths. Frankly, I’m not all that impressed with intelligence. It seems like there are a lot of people who test well, but have no clue about a lot of pretty basic problems.

So it disturbs me to find someone might be intimidated by whatever they think my intelligence is. I know that if I open my mind, I will learn from everyone I meet. Everyone has skills and knowledge and experience I don’t have. That’s why most of my questions are designed to get people to tell me those things. I’m not fond of opinions.

I ask for information, rarely for advice. I don’t like other people drawing conclusions for me. I try not to act like I know anything unless I can cite sources. Other than that, it is just beliefs and theory. Of course, I fail to do that a lot. I often say things I can’t back up as if they are facts. Oh well.

@wundayatta I completely agree IQ fails to evaluate many things. The SAT is not an IQ test, it is an acheivement test. Language capabilities of course affect a persons ability to do well on an IQ test, but for those of us who have a reasonable command of the language it levels that playing field. IQ is more of a logic test, thinking things through.

I certainly don’t think IQ levels makes someone better or worse than anybody else, it does not predict how well someone will do in school or a career, but it does have a relationship to how someone learns in my opinion. The thing is even if we accept IQ exists, that it matters, I fully belive that there is a good 20–40 point spread where it does not matter where you fall, all of those people can learn anything if they work at it and have the interest, which is one of the reasons the numbers should not mean much.

I think what people are keying into when they are intimidated by intelligence is someone who has a very analytical mindset. Someone like you does not just have an opinion, you have facts and logical reasoning behind your opinions. Other people have opinions based on nothing, pure emotion, or conforming to those around them. This explains how politics works in America. So, when you are ina conversation with someone, and you disagree with them, you have all this information aboit why they are wrong, and if they are not analytical thinkers they got nothin’. So now they feel intimidated. Or, if you can talk about 20 different topics from a place of knowledge, but the fisherman just knows a lot about fishing, he feels inadequate in a conversation that moves through several topics maybe? The tricky part is the fisherman could be genius level IQ just not had access to information or analytical thinking, so it isnot perfect, but it seems high IQ people seek to stimulate their brain from what I have read.

Certainly, some cultures nuture the analytical mindset. I would say Jews are raised to question, not just question what is presented to them, but question literally out loud, while others are passive when they don’t understand, or play a more passive role when learning. I would say cities like NY are much more stimulating compared to other cities, lots of infornation out there, and people in NY appreciate a debate. Other parts of the country people appreciate hearing people who agree with themselves.

@JLeslie Why does SAT stand for scholastic aptitude test if it is an achievement test? Is that just marketing?

@wundayatta I thought it is scholastic assesment test? Of course there is some logic on the SAT, just like IQ tests. What I know personally is I test very high on IQ tests, but didn’t have a stellar score on the SAT.

@JLeslie It seems it is both.

@wundayatta interesting article

During my time in the German army some soldiers didn’t like me. They saw intelligence as a threat. But this was my only time outside of my “ivory tower”. Later I attended college and graduate school. At my company I’m almost entirely surrounded by academics. I know this isn’t a good thing. But it’s the world I know.