(NSFW) What's the best approach to having sex with a person who is a virgin when you're not?

Take the edge off. A friend was in the same position a few years ago, the couple discussed and agreed on a night, then that night they got a little bit drunk and watched Rocky Horror. That seemed to help the guy a bit, at least the girl had no complaints.

The element of surprise, and being seduced is always nice. Lock up the cell phones so there’s no interruptions, and take your time. Plan on giving directions, and lots of feedback.

Just let it happen. If you feel like you have to be careful for whatever reason, your partner will feel it and tense up, and who knows what will happen. I would kind of let him take the lead, but communicating wtih him all the time. Tell him what you like and guide him, but in a natural way. You might keep reassuring him….

blah blah blah

Doesn’t your partner read all your questions on fluther? Doesn’t he work for fluther? Aren’t you kind of either pressuring him or reassuring him with this question? Won’t he read the answers and know all your tricks or plans? It’s an interesting approach, I’ll give you that. One more example of how people are living their most intimate lives in public these days. Makes me glad I’m an old fart.

Yeah. Like I said. No planning. Just take it as it goes. Don’t push it unless you absolutely can’t stand not doing it with him. Hopefully, it will be a mutual thing.

Really? ^^Your partner is on here and able to see this? Wow.

Just respect him and know that no matter how macho or scared he may be….it is his first time…his only “first time”, and knowing this try to make it as exciting, loving and “natural” as you can.

Tell him the truth and teach him the ropes. this should not be a problem. use protection.

@chyna and @wundayatta yeah…. and all my colleagues can see it too! Now everybody knows I’m a virgin! ;) I had no idea she was going to ask this question, but it’s actually kind of a turn on – maybe that was her point all along? Anyway thank you all for your advice thus far – I’m not really nervous or scared, just… well, excited to be honest! After all, if a person can have the courage come out of the closet on Fluther then I guess intimate details are perfectly fine too. The funny thing is, Carly and I are part of a religion that doesn’t smile politely on sex before marriage, so it’s a little more of a big deal than a lot of people might think. I think we’re ready.

@camertron Good luck!

Yikes!

That’s all I can say.

Yikes!

Ok, I lied, there’s more I can say, but you know what I mean.

But @camertron, in a way, I’m kind of jealous. For me, it was such a mystery as to whether I would ever lose my virginity at all. You know, now, what she’s thinking, and yeah, that would be exciting. I hope you guys do something special. Let the tension build, and then take your time learning each other’s bodies. It’s an incredible thing.

I think you should ask a question: “what do you wish you knew the night (or day) you lost your virginity?”

The religious thing… well, I guess you better hope that nobody from your congregation is reading this. But the cat is out of the bag, so what happens happens. I don’t know what your religion is, but I firmly believe that making love is a completely natural thing that should not be restricted by the rules of prudish people. It’s between the two of you, and no one else (except all us jellies). No one has any business telling you what to do with your bodies.

Enjoy it. It is a very spiritual thing. Or it can be. Make it meaningful; don’t rush through it. Have a lot of fun. It is about joy and creation. Let that energy guide you through it.

I’ve done this several times. I usually preface it by saying that it’s different with every partner, so it’s still going to be very special. I’d say start with you on top the first time. He won’t have to worry as much about technique. And definitely leave lots of time, and eliminate interruptions, as others have suggested. Give compliments to get his confidence up. Have fun!

Carly and camertron both work for fluther? What is this, some kind of publicity stunt? I can’t believe they didn’t talk over whether Carly should ask this question or not. If it’s a stunt, then it’s in poor taste. If not—if she really did spring this on him out of the blue—then it’s even worse.

That’s said, here’s a piece of advice. Make sure he knows how to put on a lubricated condom, and knows what that feels like beforehand. Those things are slippery and take some getting used to.

@submariner Carly doesn’t work for Fluther, but camertron does. I work here, too, and camertron is a great guy.

@Carly I, too, have been in this situation a number of times. Just make it special for him, sweet and romantic, and then… do it again, and make it super hot. Enjoy!

I think you hit on the biggest thing:honest communication. That’s very sweet.

well I appreciate all the comments, even though the responses were very mixed. I only posted this question because 1) It really has been on my mind for a very long time, and I really felt the need to ask other “experienced” people for advice. and 2) I was certain that Cameron wouldn’t be offended. He’s not one to get offended by this type of thing, and that’s actually one of the reasons I love him so much.

The only thing I’m afraid of (in a somewhat jokingly way) is that the guys at the HQ will tease him. :P

I would like to say that I use Fluther as a way to help me figure out life. I might ask a silly question here or there, but when I can’t find someone close to look up to about life’s situations, I’ve now found a place to go for all my deep, and awkward, questions. So, again, thank you all for your honest opinions. I know this can be a touchy subject even for those it doesn’t directly effect.

The best approach is the same as having sex with anyone you love: take it slowly, listen to them, watch for non-verbal cues – sure this can be an anxious experience but it doesn’t have to be – I really think sex is one of those things that everyone can do (sure it might take some people years to work on their craft, but still) and that doing it with a person they love will be meaningful the first time or any time.

If you haven’t discussed it, I would suggest you talk about it first. I think one of the biggest problems with relationships and sex is the failure to communicate. So that person is a virgin? Maybe they would like to initiate sex when they’re ready? Maybe they would rather you do it. Maybe they’re uncomfortable talking about it in which case both of you should probably discuss where you want the relationship to go and how fast is the ride gonna be to get there. Talking just makes sense. You can usually figure out the rest from there. If they aren’t ready to talk, just let them know you’re willing to listen and you want them to trust you to talk to them about it when they feel the time is right. That would also be a hint that sex is probably not in the near future with this person.

So what I want to know is whether we are going to get reports from the two parties involved (no sharing) about the event? Hmmmm? ;-)

Well @wundayatta there really aren’t any concrete plans at the moment, and I think we’d rather keep those particular details private. I’m sure you understand!

Hold on there, man! You mean, your decision to do this and how you plan to do it is fine for public fodder, but the actual results of our advice is to be hidden from us?!?

It’s outrageous!

There oughtta be a law!

I’m sure you understand {wink, wink}

@wundayatta LOL well… we’ll see.

LoL, this conversation is still going? I’m interested in coming back to it a year from now just to see what ppl have said.

and maybe then I’ll tell all of you what happened!

Marking my reminder calendar to come back to this thread in one year.

@Carly That would be interesting. Would you still be with the same person even? Relationships can be such fickle things.

@wickedcriket I might! I hope!

I think if our relationship is still progressive then we’ll still be together. If we get to a point where we don’t want each other’s company and/or our values become too different, then I think that’s when we’ll have to rethink our relationship (as partners, not friends).