How should I ask a man out?

You are chatting with him. Then you ask him if he would like to go out for coffee sometime.

Tread lightly. why? to be honest, men like to make the moves for asking a woman for a date. men get the wrong impression, if a woman asks them. you know what i mean. stay interested and get to really know this person. he will ask you, when the time is right.

@john65pennington While that is something I myself would practice, I think the younger guys today like for a girl to ask them out. I think @marinelife has a good idea to just make it a casual outing for coffee, not really a date. After that, he can ask her out to dinner or whatever.

@john65pennington massive generalisation… unless…if this is really what men are like…O.M.G!

I am with @marinelife I see no reason why you can’t just ask him out for a coffee, there’s no pressure…If you’re cool about being rejected if won’t be awkward…I think that’s the biggest thing to get over. At the end of a day if a man has trouble with the woman asking him on a date then he’s not worth being asked out.

I hate playing games, so just say screw it and ask if I’d like to go out for coffee or something some time. Then pick a time.

Okay, i admit that i am 66 years old and stuck in a warp time zone of the 60s. after careful rethinking of this situation, asking him out for coffee is really not a car date. and, since i am a person that “rolls with punches”, i will change my mind and agree that a coffee date would be in order.

Coffee, great idea. Should I make a trip to his work just for that purpose or call him at work?

@tigress3681 I think it would be easier in person. But you could call him too.

Call him. be sure to give a good location, where you two can talk and get to know each other. good luck.

In person would be best. He may not be able to place you as he sees hundreds of people a week.

I would call him to see what would be a good time to stop in to see him for a few minutes. Just say you wanted to talk something over with him.

As chyna said, he sees lots of people each week, and he also sees lots of pets, so don’t be too hard on the guy if he accidentally calls you Lassie or Tigger. ;-)

I agree with @marinelife. The next time you are in the shop and have the opportunity to chat, ask him out for a cup of coffee. It can be construed as a sign of desiring to take the friendship a small step outside of the workplace without setting an alarm off.

If you go this route, please do not be disheartened if the response is hesitant or results in any form of ‘no’. There are oodles of reasons why this may occur. And on the flip side, if he says ‘yes’, don’t assume that he has the same intentions that you do. He could be in a serious relationship and just see you as someone he just likes and wants to befriend. It should be considered a compliment. This comes from someone who has been on both sides of this fence.

Does he talk to you? if not, are you ugly? if not, talk to him about anything if he wants to go out with you he will continue the conversation. He will ask you out if you seem interesting enough.

four words; reverse cliche pick-up lines.

I think if you just show a bit of interest, and he’s at all interested, he’ll take it up. It could be email or texting as well as phone calls. Just admire him for something. Anything. Unless he’s a player, he’ll be flattered, and may want to pursue you.

Or just ask him. If he’s the kind of guy you’ll want, he won’t mind at all.

I think it depends on the type of guy he is (which I don’t know). You could try learning just a few basic facts about baseball and bring something about b-ball up to him when you feel comfortable (like the most recent World Series) just to make talk and try to gradually get to know him and when you feel up to it ask him if he would be interested in meeting up with you for coffee or a good place you know to eat at. Maybe you’ll even get lucky and he will ask you to go with him for lunch/dinner sometime.

One other thing here: if he’s shy you may have to be the one to ask him on a date or be straight forward with him and let him know you think he is a nice guy and you would like to get to know him better. If he is shy (especially if he’s very shy) I would recommend doing this in private and to not be too assertive or you may scare him off.

what you could do to make it really casual and impromptu (spelled correctly?) is tell him you’re going to be in a certain place at a certain time (like Starbucks Saturday at 3 after you get your haircut, or Joe’s coffee shop Friday night on the way home from work) and tell him “hey, if you’re not busy, why don’t you stop by?” that way, it’s not like you asked him out, and if he does not go, you save face, and there will be no embarassment on either side. or if you’re a little bolder, ask for his number and tell him at the same time you’re going to be at said place at said time (Starbucks Saturday at 3 after your haircut or whatever) and then say you’ll call him to confirm. call him then and that’s also a way you can be a little more familiar with him on the phone.

I’d wait until he visits again and make friendly talk. At some point ask, “does your wife/gf find what you do exciting?”, something like that. Just look at him and smile. If he’s available and receptive then he’ll take the cue and either ask you out or think about it and then call you and ask you out. I’m a bit old school, I wouldn’t like asking guys out because I’d never know if they said yes out of politeness or default (nothing else better to do) instead of genuine interest.

Saying “let’s get coffee” is sort of a pre-date, and says “I find you interesting, enjoy talking to you, and would like to be able to do that somewhere other than work.” Getting coffee can last 15 minutes, or several hours; you’re both free to leave at any time.

Some guys are really shy, and need for you to make it clear that you find them likable.

Are there any Cuban cultural characteristics to be taken into consideration?

Ooooooh. So that’s how it’s done!

@Neizvestnaya For most of my life, I could not have decoded “does your wife/gf find what you do exciting?” As being hit on.

If he doesn’t pick up on your subtle cues, that doesn’t necessarily mean he isn’t interested. It might only mean he has no clue you have asked him out.

And saving face????? Give me a fucking break. When men ask someone out, do they try all these complicated kinds of ruses to avoid being hurt if you turn us down? Come on. We’re not that sophisticated. For us, it’s ask or not. If you ask, your balls are on the line.

Why should it be any different for women? Just do it. Do it straight. If you’re shot down, you’re shot down. When I was a teen, I never asked. I was never shot down, but I also never went out on a date date (don’t ask me what a non-date date is).

What you need is to show you got a womb! Be brave! Be bold! Be a woman! Ask him the hell out.

Are you certain that he is into women?

@wundayatta: it’s a quick way to find out if someone’s single or not and maybe if they’re available and a little bit interested in you back. Most people will see it as normal chit chat and not be afraid to answer truthfully. If I found out a man was married or already had a gf then I wouldn’t be making eyes and crooked smiles at him anymore.

If he has dogs, you could has him to meet you at the dog park on the weekend so the dogs can play. If he says that he’s married or has a girlfriend, tell him to bring her, that you’d like to meet her. (Safe, quick recovery).

Maybe your site name is a little premature since you can’t ask a guy out. Just say—you wanna go out and do something together sometime? If he says yes, then make a suggestion like—well let’s go to the game Saturday (or anything specific).

so many good responses here, thanks to you all.

@wundayatta this man is a guy I have to see periodically due to my pets. jeopardizing that relationship is not an option. Also, many men still act weird/put off if you ask them out by saying “hey you seem interesting, lets go watch movies, bye” besides, if i had the “womb” to just bluntly ask I wouldn’t need the suggestions.
@answerjill He doesn’t have any of the obvious tell tale signs of being gay. I wouldn’t naturally assume any guy is unless they had any of those signs.
@perspicacious I have a site? asking someone to do something some time, is a date technically.

Please post an update if you wish, telling us your method and the outcome.

It’s always good to know what works! ;)

The Update Lady
JCA

@jca First step down, called him at work and asked him to go out for coffee this weekend. He said he has to work Saturday, so I gave him my number. Now the waiting game.

Good first step. Some of us guys need some time to think these things through.

@tigress3681: Good for you, you brave tigress! Even if he says no, at least you tried!

well done @tigress3681 xxx I hope he rings…and soon! xxx

He didnt end up calling, so when I went to the vet’s office to buy some heart worm preventatives, I said to him, “I didn’t get a call.” To which he responded with all the things he was doing this weekend, among which was “was doing stuff for my wife.” Men, please wear your wedding ring if you are married. Most jobs are not so dangerous that you would be putting yourself in danger by wearing it. At least he said the right things… “I am flattered and I would call you for friendly conversation.”

I think he should’ve told you when you first asked him out. But at least you know. And I think it’s great that you asked. You now know you can do it again with another single guy.

@chyna I only asked him for coffee. He is not obligated by any non-jealous-psycho standard to mention a wife when a 15–30 min coffee is involved.

I think he should have told you in the beginning when you first asked. anyway, good experience for next time.