How should i tell my parents and her parents my girlfriend is pregnant?

i’d abort the baby.

you’re way too young to stop everything to take care of a life. you can barely take care of your own life at 19, with only a part-time job and no college degree. get your life straight before you can even think about keeping it.

it would be better for the kid to be aborted then to struggle to live with teen parents.

be sure to communicate with your pregnant girlfriend and voice your concerns. she may not want to abort it, but try to convince her to.

if she chooses to not abort it, then you’re in for a bumpy ride of life =]

Go together, and have a plan. This is not the end of the world, but regardless of what you decide, your lives will never be the same.

That’s what Plan B is for. Get an abortion and you guys won’t have to tell anyone, and at this stage it’s not even a fetus so the sooner the better.

I happen to disagree with @pennybooks. The decision to abort is an intensely personal one.
I think my 30 year old daughter who was born under similar circumstances as yours would totally disagree. I think she prefers her wonderful life over being aborted.
What ever you and your girlfriend decide, it will be your decision. Actually, it’s her body, so it will be her decision. Hopefully you will be available and supportive regardless of what she decides.

Assuming this is good news, just tell them and they can share in the excitement. I have been very happy every time I have heard this good news.

@pennybooks Who the hell are you to tell someone to try and convince their girlfriend to abort their child?

@Blackberry…I was having a really tough time figuring out the answer and you have done it for me in succinct fashion. (+5)

I can only add: if you’re going to Plan B, do it NOW and not later. The longer you wait, the more it becomes a complete moral gray area clusterfvck.

@rangerr also brings up a good point, you have to talk about this with her first…

@Judi
my uncle’s brother was in the same situation too.

they ended up giving it up for adoption -

abortion would be much more efficient – no confrontation with parents and saving the pain of child birth

@rangerr i’m just an entity on the internet, voicing my opinion. plus, it is ultimately his gf’s decision anyway.

No matter what path you choose, your lives probably won’t be the same either way.

additional wisdom: Surely there is someone outside your parent’s social circle that you can talk to about this. Going to fluther can get you some expert opinion, but before you make a decision you should talk about this with a real life smart person (read: someone you can trust and has a good head on their shoulders and is similar to you in values) jellyfish shouldn’t take the place of that.

I have been pro-choice all my life. But reading @pennybooks answer really hammered home the cold harsh reality of abortion. But really, I have to agree. 19 is just too young.

If you have money, and you intend to keep it, I will not try and convince you for a moment that you have to abort. If you plan on keeping it, I would say you just need to be direct and tell your parents in a blunt and direct manner. You don’t “ask” them what to do, rather you “tell” them what you are going to do. But if either of you have any doubts about your capability to raise a child at all, then you need to strongly and seriously consider abortion. You both need to sit down and talk about it rationally.

See. If i got a girl pregnant, Telling my parents would be one of the last things on my mind. I would be thinking about what color im going to paint the nursery and what school they would go to way before my parents even came in to my mind.

The fact that you are asking on here how to tell your parents, and the fact that you are worried about how your parents will take it, tells me that you are still in the child like mind set of seeing your parents as an authority. That you maybe almost feel like you are in trouble. Please don’t think im insulting you or calling you childish, that is not my intention, you are both adults, but if you are actually worried about how to tell your parents, I cant begin to imagine how worried you must be about actually becoming a parent.

If you cant even tell your parents directly, how are you going to do all the things a parent has to do. Try to keep in mind that you are adults, and no matter what your parents say, its your call either way.

I guess that before anyone can answer YOUR question, we need to know if you have already made the decision to keep the baby. I assumed since your question was not “should my girlfriend get an abortion ” or “How can I come up with the money to pay for an abortion ” that you had decided to keep the baby.
If that is the case, all this talk of abortion is irrelevant.

“all this talk of abortion is irrelevant”
It’s not relevant because of your assumption? I was speculating the opposite, since they’re young adults with no money and they just found out. Abortion is still a very valid option if they wanted to decide it.

You really have three options: abortion, adoption, or keeping the baby and raising it. Since your girlfriend already got a positive pregnancy test, it’s too late for Plan B.

If you think abortion is the right path, talk to your girlfriend and go from there. No one else really needs to know about it.

If you think adoption is the right path, you can tell your parents and in the process of telling them, explain that you plan to find a family to adopt the baby since neither of you feel ready for a child at this time.

If you want to keep the baby, you just tell your parents. It’s going to most likely shock them and their initial reaction may be harsh, but they will most likely come around as the pregnancy progresses and the baby is born. Tell them what your plan is (as far as keeping the baby and raising it if that is your decision and how you will support it and yourselves) and tell them that you just want them to know and you would appreciate their moral support. Then start preparing for the baby’s arrival. Start saving, but don’t buy anything just yet. You really don’t want to buy things until later in the pregnancy and after the baby is born because of the chances of something going wrong during the pregnancy.

I was 19 (and married) when I got pregnant with my son. I was nervous telling my mom just because it was going to be her first grandchild. She was thrilled after the initial shock of not believing me. Your parents may surprise you.

You and your girlfriend have to do what’s right for you and her. It’s really not a matter of what your or her parents want.

@Judi well then, good point, as it does seem his problem is confronting his parents.

in that case, @poisonedantidote ‘s suggestion to tell your parents what you want to do is most likely what you need to do. communicate with your girlfriend and tell her what you want to do, and decide together. you better make the right choice (@Seaofclouds gives you your basic choices). this isn’t a very forgiving situation you’ve put yourself into.

My advice is to talk to your girlfriend first, then speak to the parents as soon as possible. I think it would be worse if they found out indirectly. Be a man, and accept the consequences. Everything will be fine in the end, if things aren’t fine right now, it’s not the end.

@blackberry; it is irrelevant if they have already made their decision. I was asking the asker to clarify if they had made a decision about the pregnancy.

Abortion. Let this be your one do-over. If you’re convinced you’re not ready or able to raise a child, you’re not.

I love how almost every person on this thread suggested abortion. How lovely.. NOT! Now, to the question at hand. Do you want to keep the child? If so, just be honest with both your girlfriends and your parents. I’m asumming it can be very nerve-racking. Are you scared of what your parents might physically do? How about writing them a letter, leaving it in their mailbox, and then give them a few hours to cool down? A lot of things are said when people are going off at “heat of the moment.” I’d give them a few hours or even days to calm down. Now, adoption. This is a very good alternative to raising the child yourselves. It can be a bit hard if your girlfriend becomes attached to the baby before they take it. The last option is abortion. I am 100% against it.. in any situation. Also, life starts at the moment of conception. If you choose this, that’s your choice.

19 is not too young for committed decision making. Listen to your hearts in this issue guys not to any other BS material socio/economic factors.

(P.S.Why American society treat their young adults like children until they are 30 is bewildering to me.)

@Odysseus because most of us are still heavily influenced by hormonal swings until around 25.

I would agree that 19 and pregnant could work IF the relationship was a committed one, and if you had support from your parents or another family member. I’ve seen it work. But 19, both kicked out of your homes, forced to stop going to school because you’re struggling to make ends meet in an economy that’s difficult if you have job skills…it’s highly unlikely that you will both be able to make enough money to support yourselves and a child, and afford day care in order to both work without some sort of financial safety net in the form of help from parents or another family member.

Your families may surprise you, after the initial blow-up. There is no good answer to this situation. However, you need to tell them together. If you have a good relationship with your parents, I would take the direction of asking for their help because you’re in a situation that you are not sure how to handle.

@Winters my wife is 31 and still has hormonal swings, I agree, take away the right to vote and no more wine for her till she ‘matures’.

Damn include me too, I had a hormonal episode last weekend but It was sure worth it ;-) even if it means you class me as an immature subordinate :)

You are both adults and adults are responsible for their actions. The best thing you can do is step up to the plate and act like a responsible adult. The more you can figure out how you will raise and provide for this child, the more support you are likely to receive from your loved ones. That child will certainly change your lives forever and as a parent myself children are a miracle and a true joy (most of the time) to have in your life. Congratulations daddio!

This is a difficult and highly sensative position to be in. First, you need to drop any selfish motives and begin to really think about this with heart—with a focus on what is the right thing to do, and not what is the easy thing to do. I feel very sorry for those who advocate an abortion for your fiend as the right thing to do becuase you and your friend are both so young. The facts are, the naturally occuring outcome from sexual involvement, regardless how much protection is used, is the creation of, and continuation of, life-period! This is where critical thinking is required, and where the adult in you lays aside selfish motives to consider the best alternatives. No one can make those decisions for you, but I would suggest that you need to be both aware of, and concerned for, the health and well being of your freind and the life that has been created. Brining a child to term does not mean that the child has to remain with it’s biological parent—in short, there are avenues available that can result in a positive and healthy outcome for all! Sounds like it’s time to grow up!

@manny08_scoop Please give us a little more background. Do (or could you) you love each other? Have you discussed marriage? Have you met her parents? Has she met yours? How you tell your parents partly depends on what you and gf plan to do.

If you do get married, by the way, that may make it easier to get financial aid for school, because you’ll both be independent students. Having a baby will also increase the amount you qualify for. < http://www.bankrate.com/finance/college-finance/finding-financial-aid-as-a-married-student.aspx >. So having a baby doesn’t necessarily mean either of you will have to drop out of college (at least not permanently). I’ve taught college, and I’ve had single moms as students. If they can do it on their own (with help from their families, usually), you two can do it together. If you two choose not marry, you can still play a constructive role in the child’s upbringing.

No matter what how your parents react, this is not the end of the world. You just have to step up and be a man.

First agree together whether you want to be parents right now.
Do you want to be parents together or would you each rather wait to be parents in the future with partners you chooses to spend a lifetime with?

If it were me in your shoes then I’d also have an abortion unless I was already engaged with my partner and we’d gone over what we’d do should a pregnancy happen. It’s my opinion most people should have those talks together while dating.

PEOPLE!!!! The question is NOT should they get an abortion!!

@Judi: What’s the use of telling anyone’s parents about a pregnancy until they know what they want further as a couple?

@noelleptc: I did read the question and my take on it was this person and his gf are in no position to become parents to any child yet so what’s the point of trying to figure out what to tell their own parents? I’m super pro abortion in order for innocent children not to bear the fallout of their parents losing the odds with birth control. From what I’ve seen, it’s been better when people wait and choose together when to become parents with some sort of game plan and support system in place.

I’ve known too many divorces from people who only married in the first place because of an unplanned pregnancy- the female never really knows if the man marries her out of responsibility to the baby or for love. The male never really knows if the female marries him for love, for support or to avoid social stigma. They both carry pressures from their families to “do the right thing” and “save face” for themselves and also the baby to come. The child grows up not sure (or very sure) of what their birth cost their folks as individuals, what plans put aside, what other loves not explored or had to be abandoned.

@noelleptc: I have no idea what your particular situation was, you obviously were fine to go ahead and be a parent because you kept your baby. I like to think a baby is an innocent too, deserving of all the best that can be provided for and to me that means dedicated supportive family- not everyone has that.

@noelleptc Pro-choice advocates simply advocate making choices that accomodate to a better environment for a child…..You are not wrong for having your child, obviously.

This OP never came back.

OP sent me a thank you email. They were obviously watching. :-)