Is there anything at all that you are secretive about to your SO?

Anything? This Q inspired by This Q.

Have you ever kept a secret from your SO because you feared shame? Have you ever stretched the truth to avoid shameful judgment from your SO?

Do you, have you shared every dirty little secret from your past with your SO?

I’m going to put time as a conditional consideration to this question. Whereas there are a number of things about my past that I definitely would not share in a new relationship simply because of fearing judgment. But as time goes by, and my SO learned that she could indeed trust me, then and only then might I bring out my dirty laundry.

There are two reasons for this. I wouldn’t share my dirty laundry with a new relationship because she would either be repulsed by it, or she might feel responsible for cleaning it up. Neither choice is hers to rightfully make informatively.

But if I shared past dirty laundry with a longstanding trusted relationship, then she wouldn’t be so judgmental and wouldn’t have any need to feel she could help clean it up.

I remember the day my wife (x-now) came to me, after we were married, reluctantly telling me that she had an enormous credit card debt built up over the years. Yes, I wish I’d known about it earlier, but it would not have affected the love I had for her, as she feared it would. But secretly, she had been working to get it paid off, behind my back, without burdening me with it. She took care of it, addressed the issue, and only felt comfortable sharing it with me after she had learned from her own mistakes. That made me very proud of her beyond anything I could have done to share her secrets.

I’ve got another friend who shared his tax problems with his fiance one week before they were to be married. He feared the shame of her judgment, thinking she would leave him. Being the great woman that she was, she said to him… “I’m in love with you, not your problems”. They were married, and together, with her support and understanding, my friend settled his past.

What do you keep from your SO? Do you burden them with every little detail of your past?