What is a woman thinking while in a relationship breakup?

“What is going on with women? Why don’t they care about love? How can they be so heartless and mean?”

Oh… I don’t know. Maybe it’s because you feel like stereotyping all women based on one bad experience? Plenty of us care about love, and plenty of us are not heartless and mean.

We can’t know what this particular woman was thinking in this particular situation. We don’t know what preceded this break up. From the little you have told us, it is obvious she wants nothing more to do with you. Whatever caused the situation, learn from it and don’t make the same mistakes in your next relationship. All women do not think alike as all men do not think alike. Lumping them all together and resenting them because of one will not help you move on.

@DrasticDreamer Well okay, since I lost my girlfriend I’ve missed her so much. I’ve been going out with my friends and trying to meet and talk to girls. Also reading about female psychology and dating. I don’t even mean to judge you guys, it just seems like you walk away from relationships and dont give guys a chance. Like you always wanna see if theres a more fun party around the next corner. Is it because you know other guys want you, it seems so hard to meet another girl by comparison.

@OmegaGraham Guys do the same things to girls.

I know I hurt you and I’m sorry.

What was it that you did to hurt her?

I am just so fed up trying to get it right all the time. Girls are so hard to please, I think maybe it’s a societal issue. It’s such a gamble getting attached because they’ll probably just get fed up and leave you. Then when you try get them back it just makes you even less atractive. I’m six foot, good looking, intelligent and funny but I can be insecure, depressed sometimes, procrastinate… pretty normal, flawed but a good all round guy. I honestly feel worthless in the eyes of women right now. I feel like just forgetting about it and staying alone

@iamthemob arguing and not apreciating her enough, letting her down by not living up to the initial impression I made when we met. Now I’m thinking I said that but I realy feel like she caused the arguing and crap just because she wanted a way out. I didnt want to fight I just wanted to be happy, I mean I was realy into her and she just realy started winding me up.

@OmegaGraham If you hurt her, it’s natural for her to not want anything to do with you anymore. I get that you are hurt, but why should any of us (man or woman) stay with someone that hurts us?

Take what you’ve learned from this relationship to do better next time.

What I’m saying is this take it or leave it attitude really makes me feel worthless. From what I can see alot of guys feel this way. I would of worked on my relationship, it’s like as soon as a girl thinks she could find better else where she’s gone. Then when the next guy isn’t enough she’s gone again. There’s always a way to make it the guys fault too… like oohh he’s just too this or that. They want funny, though but sensitive, motiviated, creative… bloody rockstar superman

“If you hurt her, it’s natural for her to not want anything to do with you anymore. I get that you are hurt, but why should any of us (man or woman) stay with someone that hurts us?
Take what you’ve learned from this relationship to do better next time.”

I agree with @Seaofclouds. And, jellies go easy on the guy, he’s hurting.

And, @Omega, it takes two. Unfortunately, you fucked up.

Again: Take what you’ve learned from this relationship to do better next time..

I back up the OP on this…. a lot of women are selfish and find excuses to justify their actions.

Not to say men are perfect, but I have been through similar experiences and witnessed them elsewhere to what the OP is facing.

The only thing you need to know about women my friend, is that they are often irrational, stubborn, and incredibly complex (in a bad way sometimes). Leave her alone and some day she may realize what an idiot she’s being (if in fact she is being one).

And if not, you’re probably better off without someone THAT crazy.

The thought of her being with someone else realy hurts like a real pain in my chest. It’s not worth it. I don’t think I can ever be good enough to hold onto a girl.

“The only thing you need to know about women my friend, is that they are often irrational, stubborn, and incredibly complex (in a bad way sometimes).”

@tedd Did your Mommy not love you enough?

@OmegaGraham The point of dating is to find the person you want to be with for a really long time. If you need to work on a relationship early on, it’s a bad sign about the compatibility between the two of you. Being picky about who you are with isn’t necessarily a bad thing early on. Also, you said you have some insecurity, perhaps you need to work on that a little bit. Someone that is secure with their relationship and who they are is more attractive than someone who isn’t.

@tedd No offense, but we all know you are still hurting from a break up as well and haven’t been able to get past it. I get that you understand what @OmegaGraham is feeling, but it will get better once you move on from the relationship… that really goes for both of you. Take the time you need to get over the relationship. If it doesn’t seem to be happening naturally, perhaps speaking to someone about it would help. I know this isn’t the first time someone has suggested therapy to you @tedd.

All women are not the same. Judging them to be the same and letting how you feel about what happened with your ex will only cause you to start the next relationship with trouble.

If you’re reading negativity in the posts – realize that it’s because you can’t generalize about women being a certain way because of your recent experience. Saying “Women are like this” is a statement that rarely can be supported.

@tedd – ditto on what @Seaofclouds has posted.

@DrasticDreamer I know stereotyping isnt acurate or fair but it does appear that there is a trend now. Where woman think that they can say and do horrible things.

Like guys deserve it automaticly, I know guys who are afraid to aproach woman, I’ve seen girls ridicule guys for being honest about their feelings.

Equality is about more power for woman, there is no equality among the sexes. We’ve gone from suppressed woman, which abviously was wrong aswell, to superior woman up on pedestiles. Drunk on power with all their value only skin deep.

While men either have to pretend to be some cocky @sshole just to get laid or stay away completey out of fear.
Like look at your response you came right back at me like, how dare you insult the mighty woman kind.

Okay so your gorgeus good for you, I want you, but I know I’m just not attractive because Im upset and not pretending to have my shit together, baby
What about potentiality?

I’m a good person with lots to give, women live in the moment, they dont care about who you realy are.

They carry their value on the surface, ours is so much harder to communicate

@OmegaGraham Perhaps you are just meeting the wrong women. It sounds like the women you are meeting are young and immature. I’m not defending their behavior. Some women are bitches, the key is that it is one some women and not all of them.

To everyone who commented to me. My latest relationship issues are by no means the first, nor have I not seen it dozens of times with friends of mine. Many women clearly move past this phase as most of the women I meet as I grow older do not seem to be here anymore…. But there just seems to be a “phase” if you will where women are simply put, incredibly selfish in their relationships.

Criticize me if you want, but I’m pretty certain its fact at this point, and I’ve had multiple guys agree with me (in fact my most recent x’s own brother first brought the idea to my attention in consoling me).

Like look at your response you came right back at me like, how dare you insult the mighty woman kind.

That’s because you did. You did insult women generally. Saying “Women are just angry and cruel” and then saying “See?” when a women reacts negatively to you saying “Women are just angry and cruel” doesn’t show what you’re talking about.

@tedd – I guarantee that women say the same things about guys. Both are selfish in relationships at certain points in their lives. It’s called growing up.

She’s got your ego wrapped around her little finger… and you want it back. Let her keep it as a souvenir. You’re better off without it.

When I was young I believed that people wanted to be in love, especialy woman wanted it. It’s like now I see that most girls don’t mind cheating if they can justify it to themselves. They’ll leave you literaly overnight, from I love you one day to bye bye loser the next

I get that you are hurt but no one can really know what is going on in her mind. It is difficult for someone who got out of a relationship where they felt devalued to believe what you are selling.
Many abusers, (not just physical) think the other person can simply forgive and forget and find it easy to believe they have changed. Sometimes it takes seperating to realize what you had or didn’t have. In your case you realize too late what you had. In her case she may have realized she fell in love with a person who didn’t really exist. Its easy to get out of a relationship once you realize it was a sham of what you really wanted.
You may have changed but it doesn’t mean she has changed her mind about what she is looking for and it simply may not be you.
She may feel that she cannot ever trust you and once that is lost than the possiblility of ever trusting you again very well may be gone forever.
If you really care, move on and remember what you did wrong.
Now on the other hand, (since I don’t know her) it could be she was the abuser and you are the victim wanting another round of an abusive relationship. Your self esteem was shattered and now that she has accomplished making you a door mat she wants to move on to another victim.
And now she finds your needness repulsive.
In which case you may need to really take a look at your relationship and realize that it was posionous and resolve to move on to greener pastures where a companion will accept you as you are.
Either way. Let it go and move on. Life is too short and you will find many others to be friends with and with one of them you may find someone who is made for you.
Best of luck.

@OmegaGraham How old are you and the women you are dating?

@iamthemob Read between the lines there man, I’m stating a poimt about female superiority.

@Seaofclouds She’s 22 and I’m 28

“As long as women insist upon being mans equal, they will never realize their superiority”.

Groucho Marx

If you want her attention, you must ignore her completely.

People want what they cannot have.

@OmegaGraham so many of your comments indicate that you tar all women with the same brush… we are all individuals and behave and respond and react in our own individual way… you are speaking about only one particular woman, not all of us collectively.

You may be trying to make a point about it, but you’re not…you’re making claims about “this is how it is” but it really seems that your current situation is really, seriously clouding your judgment.

Fuck her best friend… or her mother.

@iamthemob well obviously so stop trying to use it to show off intellilectual superiority, I’m realy hurt and pissed off here

The only superiority any woman has over you is the superiority you let her have. For whatever reason, you feel inferior to women. That may have a lot to do with why you meet women that will walk all over you. I’m not trying to be mean, it’s just a feeling I get from your responses so far. I get that you are hurt and upset with what is going on, but the only thing that is really going to help at this point is time to heal and move on. I hope it gets better for you soon.

@Seaofclouds Thanks, I think you’re right

It seems very clear to me that she wants to end all ties. Try to consider her threat “closure” if you need it and focus on you. Maybe she has a reason to end ties with you that you may not realize… shes seeing someone else or wants to?

@Adagio I’m hurt and have gone out for the last month aproaching girls in bars and clubs. Therefore my attitude is a way off. I’m sorry if I offended you. I know you are right

In romance…

Women love strength in men. Women hate weakness in men.

Men love strength in women. Men hate weakness in women.

@tigress It hurts so much when I consider that, she may of met someone else I’m sure she has, she’s gorgeous and really great to be with when shes in a good mood

Find someone who’s great to be with when in a bad mood.

She told me from the day we broke up repeatedly, “I’m goona find another man who’s better than you” she would end conversations with it like a catchphrase, it realy upset me

And you find that attractive? What are you a glutton for punishment? Man up dude and realize you’ve been chasing a ghost.

Look, I know it’s hard. But losing her is not the hard part. Losing your ego IS.

It’s tough when the devil looks you right in the eye and tells you exactly how she’s going to devour your heart… and then it happens.
__________________________

Listen my friend. Listen close…

Instead of concentrating on finding or being with the right person… Put more concentration on becoming the right person.

happiness will come naturally after that

@OmegaGraham Then she is not worth your anguish. What a hateful, mean thing to say.

You know what everybody is only out for themselves in the dating world. You can’t trust anyone I’ve gotta go out keep aproaching woman after woman. Learn the theory of pick up and attraction. Take what I can get while I’m still young love is a day dream concept. I’m Irish my society is in meltdown right now and I think the only thing to do is learn how to manipulate and develop a tick skin.

@RealEyesRealizeRealLies Thanks man I agree I’m longing for an ideal rather than a person. My self esteem needs some work and she was/is toying with my ego.

@OmegaGraham Why go in the opposite direction? Manipulation is really not the answer. Sure, go out and enjoy yourself. Date around, take time getting to know people before jumping into a relationship with them. Love is not a day dream, it’s just about finding the right person. There’s no reason you can’t date around while looking for that person. Take some time to build up your self esteem. Good luck.

What it was.. we were in a hostel and she just kept fighting with me and talking to me like I was a bold child. So I got fed up and we started arguing then she left and went for food, she comes back a couple of hours later. Ignoring me, then she starts saying… some cheif at the restaurant kept staring at me… I don’t know why. So I said trying to be nice because didnt want to fight anymore.. he probably liked you. She says like real angry… loads of men want me. Then she ignored me all night and slept in another bed… in the morning she was like an anti christ just standing in the room.. giving out and complaining. I said to her… lets just start again and be kind to eachother… but no way. Then I said I’m leaving and I left her there and went home. She called me a few minutes later and shouted down the phone… you piece of shit.. you fucking piece of shit. Then txted me afterwards.. I’m goona find a man who wouldnt leave me alone in Dublin. Man when I think about it now it was a pretty abusive relationship. Ive been blamin myself for not being good enough but she was kinda out of control.

She had money from an accident she was in as a child. First I told her to be carefull and I didnt want her buying me stuff. Then shed just spend money and offer me expensive gifts. I’d try to pay her back what she bought and did fro the most part. Then shed buy me stuff which was her idea and then afterwards say that I was getting far too much and was only there for the money. Towards the end she was spending money and then blaming me like Iwas making her spend it. Like you took me here or she said she told her family that i was spwending all her money it was crazy like i was making her dom it ir somehting. I like being bought stuff and its really tempted just to say okay thanks or when she says what do yuo want to do, say go here or there. shed go okay and when it was over shed fight with me saying i was spending all her money. what is that about i dont know if i should feel guilty or abused

It definitely sounds like an unhealthy relationship and it seems like she many have some issues that she needs to deal with on her own. Count your blessings that you don’t have to deal with it anymore and consider it a lesson learned.

Never let a woman buy you things or pay for vacations. Either go half or pay for it yourself, but do not take money from a woman. It makes you seem like a taker.

@chyna good advice that should apply both ways, men and women.

@Adagio Very true. I don’t let anyone pay for anything for me. I pay my own way.

After reading from top to bottom, I’m going to throw my 2 cents in going down. First, I do agree with some of the others that said you shouldn’t lump all of us women into one ugly package, we are individual…. HOWEVER, as a woman, I will say that I do know some girls AND Guys that are only looking out for number one and do treat really nice guys (gals ) like crap because they can… so I understand what you are saying and know that there are some out there like that. After all that you have said about what happened between you it does sound like she was looking for a way out, I’m sure that you made mistakes as well, noone is perfect but ( sorry ladies) I know some of those physco chics who belittle and “de-man” their partners, she probably knew you had low self esteem to begin with and used that against you when it was to her benefit. As for the money thing, perhaps you should have declined more often, but I’m sure she also needed an excuse and someone to blame all the spending on.

Now, having said please know that women like that are a small minority and there are way MORE good, honest, loving and strong women out there. Dont let this one small experience ruin it for you when the right girl comes along. Dont be afraid to love again, just work on loving yourself first. Take time to really get to know and accept yourself as a person, and the rest will fall into place. And just to throw it out there, maybe your not looking in the right places for a partner, clubs and bars arent always the best place to look, most people there are out for a good time, fun….not to find the one.

If I have broken it off with someone I am thinking…
Oh my gawd what a total ass he was
Wow…look at my ass…and the pooch…gotta loose those are I’m not ever going to get laid again
Wonder when I will get laid again
Oh gawd I wonder how many reallly lousy kissers I’m gonna have to dump before I can get laid again
What did I do with that wine bottle opener
gonna have to go and have a pedi/mani and wax everything in sight
Boy I don’t miss being abandoned for sports
Cool, I’m free to go out with the girls, coworkers, that cute fella that owns the coffee shop etc
Opens nite stand…Ah Jose my big battery operated lover…how have you been
I wonder if I can check for size before committing?
How does one even go about a size check?
I wonder if you can ask about that on a first date?
Gawd…why haven’t I noticed that the ceiling needs painting?
Wow…I can’t remember the last time I came in here and the toilet seat was down.
Let me drop this pencil and bend over because that guy is freakin hot. (woohoo, he’s coming my way)

You get the picture. When we dump you….we clear the brain bank and really move on. If we tell you not to call us or we are contacting the 5–0 we mean it.

No intellectual superiority here. But if you keep making inflammatory statements about women and it’s because you are hurt and pissed off, I fear you’re just going to exacerbate the situation.

We all need to vent sometimes. The only problem with venting on the internet is that you don’t know the audience that’s watching. People here are more than willing to give actual advice – as much as they can if they think it will help. But if you want to let off steam, and complain about women generally (hell, we all do it when we get our hearts stepped on), it’s always best to use your friends and family as the initial sounding board to get past that cloudy phase.