What is a woman thinking while you are trying to date her?

Struggle?
When I was dating,I wanted to go different places,see people,do things,get to know an interesting person and have fun together.I most certainly did not want a guy that I had to fend off.If I wanted a boxing match,I would’ve called my future mother-in-law.
;)

Probably the same thing you’re thinking when they’re trying to date you.

Men and women are generally looking for pretty much the same thing – a match. In fact, these days women are pretty much just like men… except, you know, with a vagina and boobs instead of a penis and no boobs.

As you may have learned from the last question you asked, all women are different and many of them have different concerns, interests, and hangups.

Some women want to be treated like a queen, some like an equal, and some like a subordinate. What it takes to meet those wants varies from woman to woman too.

I think most women will want a guy who is actually emotionally available, not still bitter and depressed about an ex.

Get to know a woman when you’re ready, be yourself, and be nice. If you don’t want to feel like dating is a struggle, date different women.

@OmegaGraham

that’s the main problem with Fluther. Users who are more interested in showing off than answering the questions.

You stated in your previous thread that you understood that you shouldn’t stereotype women. And yet, you do it again here. @Likeradar did answer the question, as it’s impossible to say because everyone is different.

The problem isn’t with Fluther, and the fact that you stereotyped the users here in the above statement really supports that the problem seems to be more with you. I do not mean to offend, but I gotta be blunt about it. You are a new user, and are already assuming that you understand the motivations of the membership here. I suggest, if you’re actually interested, you lurk for a while, look at what is being asked and how people are answering, before you make that judgment.

If you don’t see that, this may actually be why you’re feeling or actually are becoming unsuccessful in the dating sphere – your view is skewed a certain way and therefore you add motivations to people’s actions based on your assumptions about what they are thinking.

Can you see what I’m talking about? Or do you disagree.

She’s trying to be interesting, hoping her hair and makeup are okay, hoping she doesn’t slop some dinner down her front, and wishing you would be nice to her, laugh at her little jokes, and maybe, maybe something would click between the two of you. She doesn’t usually want sex this first date.

Maybe stop thinking of them as “women” and more as “people”. I am not being snide here, I really mean it. Instead of thinking of us as some kind of alien (and there is a definite “us” vs “them” feel to your questions and comments), realize that we are all individual people. When a man talks to me as a person I am much more attracted to him than when he’s just trying to impress a woman.

What Jill said. I also think if you’re thinking of dating in terms such as resist and struggle you’re going about it the wrong way.

Maybe try meeting them in other places besides bars and clubs. Do you like to do other things such as ski, swim, read, hike? If so, you could join a club or just go do what you like and meet a girl there that has your same interests. I think when you meet at a bar, everyone usually has had a little too much to drink and you aren’t seeing the person for who they really are. Now to answer your question: What is a woman thinking? The samething a guy is thinking. Things like I hope I’m interesting to him, wonder what I need to talk about, hope there isn’t anything in my teeth, etc.

It is your worst fears confirmed.

‘Oh my God, not another loser. Look how short he is, and a bit fat, too. Too much beard. Ick. I hate kissing beards. And he dresses like a troglodyte.’

“No I don’t want to dance.”

‘He didn’t even buy me a drink? What kind of cheap asshole is he?’

“I have to go to the ladies.”

“No, I don’t think so. Maybe never.”

‘Oops! Did I really say that. Ah who cares. I gotta pee anyway.’

“Why do they resist so much when they seem to like me”
@OmegaGraham
They aren’t resisting you. They don’t even really like you. They are just being gracious but graciousness doesn’t imply interest. They aren’t resisting therefore…they just aren’t interested in dating you.
And if there are signals being sent to you that are actual resistance signs than I would suggest to you that you are being too intense and not picking up on cues to back up or back off.
And there are plenty of fellas who do this and then blame it on the women they are approaching…but that’s not where the problem lies…the problem lies in your own thinking and skill base in approaching them.

No offense, but you are 28 years old and you are trying to meet girls in bars and clubs. These girls are, on average, going to be younger and probably more immature than you are. That could be why you are having trouble meeting someone. When I was 22, if I went out to a bar/club, it wasn’t to meet a guy, it was to go out with my friends and have a good time. Hell I was that same way at 26 when I went to a bar/club. Bars/clubs are really not great places to make a good connection with someone.

As far as what woman want, each one is different. The only way you’ll know is to talk to them and get to know them.

Since I am dating and a woman, the main thing (s) I am thinking is “does this man support himself (does he have a job)” and “is he independent (living and paying rent/own a home on his own)”. For me, he has to answer “yes” to both.

@ram201pa seems to demand only that the person be a grown up. I think that’s a reasonable standard. ;-)

I can sympathise with you because I’ve been down this road. However I’m at a crossroad in my life right now so dating and being with someone is the last thing on my mind right now. I’ve had some luck trying eharmony. I’m not sure if you want to try online dating but if you did I would recommend that site because the women are a little more assertive on there than other dating sites like match or chemistry.

I would recommend not appearing desperate as well and do not always feel you need to chase or approach them first. Leave the women do some work as well. Bars and nightclubs are horrible places for meeting women. Again I do not personally know you and what type of woman you prefer. You can only be yourself. I’ve had my best luck with women when I wasn’t even thinking about dating and they would catch me off guard. Show interest in other things when you are around women while not showing too much concern for them.

I’m a female who’s dated men and if I didn’t know them well ahead of the date then below is a pretty typical run down of what would go through my head:

Is he genuinely comfortable and polite or just on good behavior?
I hope he’s a neat and clean as he seems to be and washes his hands after making potty.
He’s interesting, charming, confident and articulate but is a junkie of some sort, have STD’s, a sordid history of abuse, illegitimate kids all over the place?

@Joybird Thanks, you’re right, great answer. I don’t mean to blame them though, I need to understand why. What you wrote makes alot of sense.

@Paradox Thanks paradox, great answer.

When I coach on this I suggest the buddy system. Find a wing person with excellent dating skills. Let them observe, read and listen to what you are putting out there and how you respond to the women you are interested in. Your buddy can be male or female. Let them help you edit where you need to and suggest new approaches while helping you build interpersonal skills. If you hire a professional for this they should be able to mic you and listen in and give you direct feedback while observing you from somewhere else in the venue. I good wing women could walk up to a group while getting a drink and compliment someone and then you approach and she introduces you as JUST a friend and then excuses herself for the ladies room leaving you to converse with the women. She might even state that you are shy and would they mind keeping conversation in their absence.
There are all kinds of angles to use. But the purpose is to train you for different situations that occur in dating.
It’s too bad that not more people do this kind of inventory and skill building after breakups. They would probably grow and learn alot more about themselves and make many more beneficial changes.

Q :Why do they resist so much, even when they seem to like me?
Why does it have to be such a struggle sometimes?
A: She is afraid that you just want to play around maybe just ONS or something.
that’s to say she dont want to be hurt