What is the world's general view on a woman once she is a mother?

As many problems as my ex and I had, she will always be the mother of my children and she was never more beautiful to me than right after she had given birth to one of them. Physical glamor is a trap and a lie. Set your standards by those common to millennia of human beings, not the Madison Avenue or Hollywood puffery that acts only on testosterone and not on the hearts and souls of men.

Welcome to Fluther. What you see on television is artificial and meant to sell something or entertain. Life is far too important to take that seriously. In the scheme of things, what you see in the media doesn’t matter at all.

Quit watching it and giving it importance in your life. Focus on reality and not make-believe. You’re the most important person in your child’s life, and in your spouses. Your body has taken a knock, but exercise and taking care of yourself will bring it back to reasonable shape. Being a woman is far more important than being a girl.

asking “what is the world’s view” is not pleasant to answer; in many parts of the world women are treated so badly and only viewed as labor and a means of increasing the labor pool by having children.

Where I live in California, mothers are valued and treasured for all the work that goes into raising children, plus they are seen as full on women, and not just girls. Women are equal, active, contributing, sensual and sexual.

Why do you think there is all that talk recently about MILFs? Moms can be hot!

I don’t think there is a general world view.

You are looking in the wrong places for your inspiration. What about Angelina Jolie? Mother of six. Do you think she looks frumpy?

You need to work on presenting yourself in a way that you think looks good. Go shopping and get some pretty things. Have a date night one night a week with your husband. Dress up.

Welcome to Fluther.

W00t! Another MILF joins the collective!

Seriously, one of the women who owns my heart is a 48-year-old mother of three, the youngest two in college. She is the most beautiful woman I have ever met—of any age. (Inside and out.)

Give yourself some slack. As a new mother you are undoubtedly not getting enough sleep and stressed from that as well as the physical toll that pregnancy has taken on your body, pulled in several different directions emotionally, with the new demands of a baby constantly on your mind… and apparently watching too much television. Put the baby in a stroller and get out in the air more and walk. You’ll feel better, you’ll get exercise, the baby will do well to get acclimated to ‘outdoors’ ... and you really are watching too much TV if it affects your outlook on life. Truly.

So that’s the first thing that I’d recommend cutting back on (the cutting back on television thing, that is). In fact, I recommend that for everyone. Spend your spare time on Fluther, and you won’t even have to worry about commercials. You’ll just have to worry about dirty old men like me hitting on you from time to time. But I promise to be nice about it.

I believe what you are noticing is the “virgin/whore” conundrum. The mothers, just like Blessed Mary, fit into the “virgin” category – fine upstanding citizens that are admirable and not sexy, whereas the tramps you see on TV are the desirable “whores” that it’s OK to have fun with but not to respect.

But these are only two quadrants of the whole grid. Beware, lest you become a “slutty mother” and lose all the respect you would have gained as a “virgin,” and all the “fun” you would have gotten as a whore, because the media loves to revile the slutty mothers.

Otherwise, one needs to find the rare mate who appreciates the “fun mother,” and who understands that women have more dimensions than just two. Hopefully, this is your baby-daddy.

This is only the first of many shifts and changes you will experience in your life journey.

After motherhood comes mid-life and there is another shift in body image and perception.

We re-invent oursleves many times over.

There is nothing more wonderful than a devoted mother and the ‘maturity’ of the female form in all it’s glory, physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually.

Life is about change and one cannot bring a new life into the world without ‘bearing’ some physical changes.

Embrace this station without apology, enjoy it, it too shall pass.

Life alternates between periods of stability and periods of transistion just as the seasons alternate to serve the greater good.

In-joy the springtime of your motherhood, it goes quickly. ;-)

You know those magazines at the grocery store checkout counter? The ones with the young starlets with perfect teeth, hair, boobs and makeup? Well watch who buys those magazines. It’s women! Not men! Most men are not that shallow. Most will see you the same way before or after.
Shallow guys will be shallow before or after you had a kid.
Serious guys will be serious before or after too. Pick a serious guy to date, not a noisy, flashy one.

By the way, guys don’t have a lock on all the world’s stupidity and shallowness. Women are notorious for completely changing their opinion of a man’s sexiness according to his perceived income level. If you take the same photo of a guy but write two resumes: one where he is an executive making $250k/yr and the other where is states he is a clerk making $35k/yr women will consistently say the first guy is hotter or sexier. Try it with your friends.

Think about this for a minute. If a women was no longer desirable after having a kid, there would be an awful lot folks with only one child. There aren’t. (If you ignore China)

Relax, exercise, and eat right. “Confidence” and “Healthy” trumps a lump or two any day.
You’ll be fine. Honest.

Frumpy is as Frumpy does, and it doesn’t come from children or pop stars.

If you don’t like something about yourself, then change it. And when you do (and you can if you want), but when you do, give yourself the credit, and not the children or pop stars. They had nothing to do with it.

I know you’re not this bad. I know you’re just expressing concerns and that’s wonderful. I want to pass along a warning to you not to let this get under your skin. The reason is, because I know a number of women who have no problems with blaming their own children for them becoming fat. Ten years after giving birth, they’ll still brag about their figure before having the child… and they’ll do this in front of the child. Don’t go there. For your sake and the childs.

How long ago did you have your baby?

When I first had my son, I felt horrible about myself. I had gained a lot of weight, had a ton of excess fluid (due to preeclampsia), and was the heaviest I had ever been in my life. I wasn’t allowed to start working out until 3 months after giving birth (because of extra bleeding after having him), so I can understand the dip in your self-esteem. Once I was able to start working on myself and losing the weight I gained during pregnancy I felt a lot better. It took work, but I lost a good bit of the weight (never made it back down to my pre-pregnancy weight, but that’s okay because I have new curves that I love).

All the television stuff aside, it sounds like you need a self-esteem boost. As far as what happens between a couple, it really depends on the people. Some men have a hard time getting past the idea that the baby just came from inside of you. Some of them are afraid of what sex will be like after baby so they avoid it, which doesn’t help how you feel about yourself (I know, been there done that). That being said, it doesn’t have to stay that way. If you are going through something similar, the best thing you can do is talk about it. Perhaps have a date night. Get dressed up and focus on each other (assuming you are comfortable with having someone watch your baby for a few hours).

Woman are attractive even after giving birth and there are plenty of men that think so. Having some confidence about yourself helps. I ended up getting divorced and was a single mother for about 5 years. I dated a bit during that time and eventually met my current husband. So, there are definitely men that find women attractive even after she has a baby.

As far as a world view, as the others pointed out, it’s really going to depend on where you are in the world. It will change a lot from one culture to the next as well.

@wenwen Welcome to Fluther.

To me, you sound like you may have post-natal depression: the baby blues, especially if your baby was born recently. As the above comments have stated or inferred, give yourself a break. What ever life gives you, good or bad, take something positive from it and grow.

Don’t hesitate to visit Fluther, as time allows, for your confidence boost. We are quite a mixed bunch here, and enjoy your new circumstances in life.

I totally understand where you are coming from. I feel like this all too often and even though I know that all the above advice is true and especially the stuff about TV and projected images, it’s still very difficult not to think that you’re not up to standard any more, because you’re a mother or even just because you don’t look like that.

I have to say that I don’t watch a lot of TV at all… hardly any during the week but I the images are still there…just turning off the TV doesn’t make it go away…it permeates every aspect of society. You only need to walk down the high street, past young girls in trendy clothes, glimpse yourself in the window of a shop where size 8s are modelling by stick thin mannequins to be bombarded by the ideals that we feel we have to live up to. But this doesn’t mean we shouldn’t try to change it and accept ourselves as we are.

I had postnatal depression and four years after giving birth I’m still trying to adjust to my new persona as a mother. It’s a massive shift of focus. It can’t be underestimated. I know there are men out there that truly appreciate women for what they are inside first and outside second, but I haven’t met them yet. Even those men that I thought truly loved me, when it came to crunch time, used my appearance against me. It’s very disillusioning. I don’t want this post to sound cynical although I fear it may come across that way.

However, I’m still trying to find myself and I won’t give up, I’m beginning to see it as a lifelong journey but the focus has to be on accepting and loving oneself first and foremost… my love and best wishes go out to you xxx

@nebule You only need to walk down the high street, past young girls in trendy clothes, glimpse yourself in the window of a shop where size 8s are modelling by stick thin mannequins to be bombarded by the ideals that we feel we have to live up to.

I call them Belsenites. The survivors of the Nazi concentration camps weren’t much thinner than these models, and they weren’t healthy. This obscene practice of maintaining such a super-skinny frame is total manipulation of women by stupid and greedy persons of both genders and all ages. If nobody wants to know you because you are now put on an insincere voice not the right size and shape, blow them a raspberry.

These women do themselves and no real person any favours by these false reasonings. They only make themselves a candidate for an early grave or serious pain and cancer in a few short years. And one thing you get to realise really quickly is this: Time zooms along the older you get.

@Andreas I agree… but I’m not just talking about really skinny girls. I’m an English size 16 and ‘overweight’ at 11 stone. I consider myself to look ‘alright’ but (could look better!) and this still doesn’t seem enough… I don’t think the ‘ideal’ is necessarily portrayed as being a size 0 at all…I think the ideal is portrayed as being an English 10–12 (which I think is 6–8 in the US?) and so I still feel inadequate in these respects.

@nebule The wounds from this type of reasoning go very deep in our psyche, and in your case I guess because I don’t know stem from early childhood, where we are largely moulded in the first few years of life.

Remember one thing: Be yourself and forget the critics. Any fool can criticise.

My grandmother made an observation once: There were times once when larger women say, for example, those of your build were considered most desirable and people like Reubens painted them on canvas. These paintings are now worth millions as art work.

We live in a very shallow era fostered by greed and stupidity where “overweight or fat” people are considered undesirable. In reality, though, it’s the opposite, at least among people with a brain.

Enjoy life.

thank you @Andreas your words are very comforting xx

@nebule You’re welcome.

”...the focus has to be on accepting and loving oneself first and foremost…”

you ain’t nevah lied @nebule. that is the toughest task off all… for everyone.

:-) xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx