Help with sentence?

Technically, the first, but it’s really awkward. Is there another option?

I second the first answer. ^^

I might go with something more like
He mentions (specific) first and follows up with his other points.

You also repeat the word “mention”, which is usually not advised when writing any sentence.

@Hobbes And it’s a weird tense. I’m not sure what it is (third person, maybe?), but I’d go more with something like “He mentioned (blank), then followed it up with (blank).”

Yeah I’m with Papayalily is there another choice?

He mentions this first, then follows it up by mentioning the rest.

Neither, because “then” is not a conjunction. You need “and then.”

If my choices were as limited as yours seem to be, I would write this:

  He mentions this first and then follows it up with a mention of the rest.

As other people have stated, I would not use mention twice in the sentence.

@Jeruba I would say most people would not use a mention, I guess it depends on the audience. What do you think? It seems like if we can change the options; add and and a mention; might as well change the sentence even more and create a better sentence altogether.

@JLeslie, as posed, the question makes me think that these constructions are not wide open for rewording. A little more context and explanation would have helped. That’s why I stayed close to the originals, and not because there’s much to recommend them. You’re right that they could be greatly improved by rewriting.

I prefaced my rewording by saying that this is how I would put it. I can’t speak for most people. There are, however, times when it is not only acceptable but preferable to allow a repetition. Repetition of a key expression can be an effective rhetorical device, as you will notice if you think of certain memorable lines from famous speeches.

Without knowing the rules under which the OP is operating, I think that’s about all we can say by way of response.

@Jeruba Thanks.

here is an example i would use.. He mentions this first and follows up about this with that.

That sentence would be clearer (a relative term here) if it read, “He mentions this first and follows up with that about this.”

That said, I will refrain from mentioning how muddled that is about this, or do I mean that?

If that is about this, then this must be first to mention, or is this just about that, and that would then be first about this..