Did we ask each other out on a date or not?

If he was trying to ask her on a date, which I’m not convinced he was, it was a pathetic attempt. His follow-up question could easily have been “well, surely you eat… can I take you to lunch?”

We were talking about cigarettes and I told him of a traditional leaf cigarette that you roll. He was really interested and asked me to repeat how to spell that and stored it in his phone. Two days later I texted him to ask if he had found those cigarettes, it’s a Friday night and whether he would like to join me to go roll some. After many hours he texted back : I have quit smoking for the 10th time and asked me to go ahead and enjoy my night. Does this mean he thinks I’m trying to ask him out and is rejecting me?

@shalom: If I was the guy then I’d think you were asking me out.

I was asking him out. So he plained rejected me? But we had such a great time the first time we met over coffee. We both did say we didn’t want a relationship to give us all that shit because we were very happy and fulfilled in our lives.

@Likeradar If a guy isn’t trying to ask a girl out then why does he say, “Do you drink?” I only get this question with Western men. What does it mean?

@shalom What country are you in? If traditional attitudes toward alcohol consumption (and other activities that alcohol use might lead to) there are different from those in the West, he may want to avoid offending you, regardless of whether he wants to you out for romantic or business purposes.

If Western men frequently ask you this question, maybe you should ask one of them what it means. Even if you do not go out together, perhaps one of those men would be willing to help promote mutual understanding by answering your question.

I’m a Western man. I would not ask that question as way of asking a woman out, but if I was considering asking a woman out, I would be interested in knowing whether she was old enough to drink, and whether she had religious or other reasons for not drinking. But I live in Western country, so I usually assume a woman drinks unless she says she doesn’t.

1. He was rejecting you.

Sorry @shalom, it doesn’t look good. But there are loads of things that could have been happening in his life, the one that springs to mind is that he could have been with another woman, maybe he was single when he was talking to you, but then got back with his ex or something. Don’t take it to heart.

@shalom Maybe he was just wondering if you drink.

Depending on your background, he might have just wondered if you have a cultural or religious prohibition against alcohol consumption.

I think “No, I don’t. I’m a cheap drunk” is a pretty confusing answer. It says “I don’t drink. Yes, I do.” (Personally, I would not tell a prospective date that I’m a cheap anything.)

I’d say that if a date were being asked for or accepted, the signals would be much clearer than this. You do not have a date. But that’s probably for the best. It’s unwise to mix up a business relationship by turning it into something personal anyway. Just stick to the professional relationship and look for your dates elsewhere.

I think he wonders if I were Muslim (I’m not) because I thought he was Muslim (he’s Iranian, he’s not) by informing him the cafe I had chosen serves halal food.

Fast forward few months after, I asked him out again because I had tickets to an art festival I thought he might be really interested in, but I made it clear that it would be with a bunch of other foreigners. I met him up the day before to pass him the tickets but went with an old family friend. He liked a pair of shades I had and asked me to get it for him.

Two days after the festival I passed it to him and again I went with another person. I hope this would make him at least think I’m not trying to go on a date with him (though I am attracted to him).

He did feel a bit awkward when I asked him how come I haven’t seen him sooner since he has been in town for a few months. I had sent him a text in February asking if he’d like to come out and eat….oh shit, he so knows I like him, right?

Anyway, the last time I saw him (2 days after the festival) he said he will call me when he gets back. He sent me a text a few days later from the airport to ask where the tsunami hit and that he is leaving and will call me when he gets back. He also said, before, in an email, he had fun at the festival and looking forward to coming to my sushi party in April.

I had hoped he would think I’m just very friendly and trying to make him feel welcomed in a foreign land. How would I know if a guy already knows I like him?