How do you deal with a lazy SO?

Shock collar. ;)

Or taser? ;)

@mama_cakes I think I look better in the anti-bitching shock collar XD

I’m lucky that I don’t. I think I would simply quit doing his stuff. You want clean clothes? You do some laundry. You want dinner? Make a meal. I don’t know if it would work on his laziness, but it might take some burden off me.

If I get around to it, I’ll ask my wife- she’s had almost 16 years of experience dealing with one. ;-)

My grandmother did absolutely everything for her kids, so my dad just kind of expected it. My mom, however would have none of it. A couple of stories I’ve heard include refusing to wash any clothes that weren’t in the laundry basket, and refusing to wash dishes that weren’t in the sink. Dad only had to go without clean underwear once to learn to put his clothes in the laundry basket. Likewise, Mom sat down with her dinner one night, and dad asked, “Where’s mine?” She said, “Well, I would have gotten you some, but I didn’t have any clean dishes to put it on.” His dishes always made it to the sink after that. He is now wonderfully helpful; he just had to learn that Mom didn’t exist to clean up after him.

Worse case scenario? Tell him to leave. My niece just did this last night to her boyfriend of 15 years. I feel so bad for both of them, but he did take her for granted. She was the only one that worked the entire 15 years, and even though he helped raise her son, he must have been one lazy ass around the house for her to tell him to leave. :(

This might be an epidemic because I know a few people who are really lazy. Two are men and one is a woman. When I say LAZY I mean coma lazy. These people don’t have jobs, no drive, no ambition. They live off the kindness of others and refuse to do more than just barely get by. My husbands cousin is one of them. He is so bad that on Thanksgiving he called hubby and mentioned to him that someone GAVE him a half turkey for dinner but then asked my husband to come pick up the ½ turkey, cook it for him and then bring it back so he could have something to eat!!! I told hubby that if he even thought about helping him I would smack him up side his head. I have a good friend of mine who quit his job 2 yrs ago because he said he needed a vacation. Mind you he wasn’t a brain surgeon, he worked security in a phone store. He has since been collecting unemployment and living off of a woman he can’t stand, but he stays with her because he has no where else to live.WTF!!!????

My sister’s first husband refused to do anything around the house. He told her that his mother liked to clean house, and he wasn’t interested in doing it. Likewise, his reasoning for not taking on repairs was that he didn’t know how, and wasn’t interested in learning. He felt that working full time was enough of a contribution. He was amenable to her staying home to have the time to run the house; unfortunately, he didn’t earn enough money to afford that luxury. She tried to do everything herself, but ultimately ended up paying to have everything done. They divorced before they had any children, and she’s now married to a great guy.

I think upbringing has a lot to do with it. My daughter’s had female roommates who expect others to pick up and clean up after them, mostly because they were never required to do it at home.

I wouldn’t tolerate it – it’s a huge turn off, for me.

I can’t abide by laziness. I would just dump the SO when I found him to be too lazy to help around the house or to get a job.

So what exactly is lazy? I consider myself lazy. I need at least 1 (I prefer 2) day a week where I do absolutely nothing. There are other times where I just want to be waited on; luckily my wife obliges.

I don’t see why we have to be busy doing shit all the time. I think our cultural idea that being idle is a waste of time is a large detriment to our well-being.

Relax. Is that minor task really so important.

The plea of the lazy SO.

Unfortunately, as I gradually gave up the will to live, I slowly but surely ended up matching the laziness – it was impossible to get motivated – and the downward spiral continued, until we ended up splitting up with an unfinished house to sell…. and by unfinished, I mean it had NO STAIRS! (We had been going up and down a loft ladder for several years!) Interestingly, as soon as we split up and he moved out, I got the house finished on my own in less than six months (we had been living in a building site for 3½ years, grrr!)

My son is dealing with that right now. She won’t lift a finger to do anything around the house. Her mother and my son do the cooking and take care of the two boys. Their house (my rental house) looks and smells like a pig pen.

If child protective services ever saw it, they would take the children away. If I ever saw any sign the children were being harmed, I would take them away, but they are happy, always well fed and they are bathed daily.

I think my attraction cancels those kind out early on by smell or something because no guy I’ve ever even dated a short time has been a lazy type. Yes, I’d go insane and quickly too.

@psychocandy I guess it’s about what we think of as lazy – what you describe doesn’t sound lazy to me, nor is the opposite of lazy ‘busy all the time’ – I think of laziness as an attribute of a person who knows they must do something to improve either themselves or their lives or that of other people’s and simply don’t because they’ve got nothing driving them. It’s a huge turn off for me because I need exactly the opposite kind of person – someone who can conceptualize and then follow through with something without quitting or waiting a year – they don’t have to be on the go all the time (Alex isn’t at all like that but no one would ever call him lazy) but they have to have ambition.

My husband could have asked this question. I don’t do much of anything and I’m not sure why. I make sure there is nothing dirty (plates, trash left around, dirty litter box) but I am cluttery. I never do the laundry, rarely cook or actually clean the house.

I know I need to do these things – I want to want to do these things. I push it all to the back of my mind. I know I need to just push through whatever my hang up is – I wasn’t always like this. I’m miserable, and I’m sure that has a lot to do with my lack of motivation. Then again, my lack of motivation, the clutter and my husband’s very justified irritation probably doesn’t help alleviate the misery. I feel like I’m stuck in my own little circle of domestic hell sometimes.

@Supacase I just want you to know that that’s a brave thing to think through and I’m glad you’ve done that, for yourself

I don’t see how people deal with those sorts of things – I would just simply live my life & when they complained about not being included I’d tell them to keep up – i had a friend that could never leave town to visit friends/relatives or just take a vacation with the girls cause her hubby couldn’t eat without her cooking fresh meals. Id never adjust the freedom & independence of my own life for someone who was physically, mentally & legally capable of taking care of themselves. Why let someone elses issues imprison you? It has never made sense to me