How do you turn someone down that has asked you out?

I used to give reasons, but later learned to just say no so there is nothing for them to argue against. “No, I’m sorry. That’s just not possible” Repeat as necessary.

When I was single, I would just say “no, sorry”, but if they persisted, I would honestly tell them why not. Now that I’m married, I simply say, “No, I’m married” and leave it at that.

I just say “No, thanks”. As @marinelife said, giving reasons just gives them a chance to argue – and isn’t it really sexy when you fake being married and their response is “he wouldn’t have to find out”? I know that response always gets me to reconsider…

@papayalily any guy who would want to sneak about with another man’s wife is a sleezeball honey,(even if you’re only kidding him about being married) I’m sorry but thats just wrong. If he’s willing to do that with what he believes is another man’s wife, what is to say he’s not married too? ick. Apologies honey <hugs>

I’d try to be polite but as other jellies have said, a simple “no, thank you” should do. I’ve always thought that you should treat others gently, as you’d like to be treated yourself, but being very, very careful not to lead someone on.

If you don’t currently have an S/O and you don’t want to hurt the person’s feelings by telling them all the things about them that you don’t like, then you can just say that you recently got out of a relationship and aren’t looking to date anyone right now. If they ask you about that relationship, just say that you don’t feel comfortable talking about it.

@Kardamom Unfortunately, I tried that. He said he would wait until I was ready. Ugh!

I’ve tried the simple “no, thank you” and always get asked “why?” It’s hard, if you don’t want to be harsh, to come up with definitive reasons sometimes. I tend to follow with a simple “I’m not dating, now.” then I usually have to follow with “I don’t want to talk about it”. Unfortunately, they seem to find that fascinating and want to hang around. Damn. I guess I’m not being very helpful. Sorry.

@chyna Yikes! I’m not sure what I would say to that guy except, “Please don’t, that makes me really uncomfortable.” and or “I’m sorry Brad, I just don’t feel the same way about you.”

And @JilltheTooth Yes, this has happened to me too. When you just say No Thanks, they always want to know why.

Why does dating have to be so difficult?

@bunnygrl That’s happened to me several times, but I know they’re sleezeballs. I was being sarcastic about how it’s hot when that happens.

@chyna Which is even sexier when they’ve known you for a max of 3 minutes. Who doesn’t love stalkers?

If they ask why, you could always say, “I really like you, but we just wouldn’t be compatible romantically.” Of course, that could lead to another ‘why’. At which point, I guess you could say, “Get the hint, dude.” :)

I just say, “No thanks, my herpes are flaring up and I’m so busy scratching I just don’t have time to have a S/O in my life.” LOL

I just say,no thanks.I don’t explain anything.

So, @chyna , somebody bothering you? Do we need to get all tentacly and sting on his ass? We are your gelatinous posse, girl, just drift us in the right direction… ;-)

@JilltheTooth Lol! Seriously, it’s been months (if not a year or two) since anyone has asked me out. All of a sudden, two guys that are unwelcome and very persistent are asking. I think I got one of them to stop asking. It’s only a matter of time before I get rude and the other one stops.

The good news is: you still got it.
The bad news is: you forgot how to aim it.
Need to work on that.

Tell him you bat for the other team.

Just joking. ;)

@jonsblond – Even when it’s true, it’s not the best deterrent. You can practically see their ears perk up.

You don’t owe anyone anything. Just decline. “I don’t want to date you.” If they persist, give them the steely stare like how dare they ask. If you still think it is worth being nice, then just repeat the same thing over and over as long as they ask. Make it clear you don’t owe them any explanation.

If you don’t want to be nice, there’s always the, “What part of “no” do you not understand?”

I’ve thanked them for asking and then told them I was already seeing someone. I’ve been single so rarely between serious relationships that it was neverr fibbing but one time.

Sic your dawg on them, and I’ll sic my dog on them too!
Yeah. What @Neizvestnaya Back when I had that “problem” I always said I was seeing someone.

@Dutchess_III: Guys I liked always had such poor timing and would ask me out when I was already off the market.

I’d say, “Sure! Mind if my wife tags along?”

Truth is, no one’s ever asked me out – so I’m play acting here. Sounded pretty good though.

@cprevite Truth is, if you were single, I would ask you out.

@chyna: Aw shucks. ::blushes::

@chyna That cookie is a keeper!

@MissAnthrope Soooo true. You say “No thanks, I already have a girlfriend” and they hear “If you have sex with me, you’ll get both a threesome AND have proven your manliness for good”.

Batting for the other team probably won’t solve it.

You need a taser. It’s been my answer for everything, lately.

@chyna – If it’s a guy who you’re not interested in, who doesn’t seem to be getting the hint, I’ve found that the best thing you can do is be honest without being harsh. Something like “Look, I’m sorry, but I’m just not attracted to you.” It hurts a little to hear, but not so much that he’ll be brokenhearted or scarred. If that still doesn’t work, you might have to get a little mean.

I have thanked them for the invitation and simply say no thank you.

@Neizvestnaya You said they always ask when you’re off the market….I think we carry ourselves differently when we “have someone.” I think we act more confident and aloof, and ergo! we’re now a “challenge”!

I would give them a hug, and then explain I wasn’t interested in dating at the time.
Edit. That’s too lame. Let me work on it some more.

@Adirondackwannabe Good Lord! Do NOT give them a hug! You’ll never get rid of them!!

The best thanks but no thanks I got was with a hug.

Well, you’re also an intelligent person and you understand that “No” means “No” and not “I’m just playing hard to get.” In my experience, almost any kind of physical contact with many, many men is a no-no unless you want them following you all over the world.

@Dutchess_III You’re thinking my exact thoughts. I was thinking no is ok. I’m not forcing the issue. Because when the answer is a willing yes, it means so much more.

I didn’t read as much into the question as I should have. This is pretty big for some of the people isn’t it?

@adirondackwannabe Yes, it is a big deal to some of us. I worry about people’s feelings, but don’t want to leave them feeling there is a chance later on.

@chyna I’m getting that, but I’m also getting a little bit of we’re scared of you guys. Is that correct?

Nah, you guys aren’t scary.

Good :)

@Adirondackwannabe : It’s also hard to be firm when you were raised in the “It’s always better to have a date than not” era. (As I was.) And too many times the person asking is affiliated with friends and/or groups you’re involved with so being harsh enough to get your point across can come back and bite you in the ass and not in a good way, you silly boy!

@JilltheTooth Exactly!

This sucks. The field should be level, but it’s not. @JilltheTooth I like a firm bite on the ass. :)

<extending canines, making low growling noise in throat>
Also, we were told that it takes so much courage and overcoming of a fear of rejection to ask us out that the least we can do is accept. I never saw the equity in that, and was soundly scolded when I mentioned it. The field is definitely not level. I wonder if it’s any better for the younger ones?

@JilltheTooth I never realized there was a “must accept” side to it. I figured the pressure was on us guys. That’s something I need to chew on for a bit.

You guys here aren’t scary!! But there are some very scary guys out in that world. Guys who think they’re superior to women, and women are only on this earth for their benefit. Scary guys.

@JilltheTooth Yes…I always think about how the guy had to screw up his courage to ask me out, and I always felt really bad saying “No,” but…it’s also not really fair to go out with him when you know you don’t have the slightest interest in him…

@Adirondackwannabe : I’m not minimizing the fact that it does take a certain amount of courage to put yourself out there, I’ve done it, too, and been rejected, too, but ultimately I try to respect the dignity of the responder (and my own) by not asking “why?”.
@Dutchess_III : Yeah, I really wouldn’t want to be a pity date, either!

@JilltheTooth What’s really scary is when they get angry if you say no….

@Dutchess_III : I know, it’s happened to me and the harrassment didn’t end til I threatened to tell his boss. (It was a work situation) He left and faded away, but I was nervous walking to my car for a long time after that.

Does the pity date include pity sex?

Nice try, Fella… ;-)

@JilltheTooth Also, we were told that it takes so much courage and overcoming of a fear of rejection to ask us out that the least we can do is accept.

The few girls I asked out in high school seemed to have no problem saying no to me. I soon learned not to bother if I wanted to keep any scrap of self-esteem. I never did understand how other guys had the courage to ask. I figured they must know the girls would say yes because… well… because they had something I did not have.

Later on, I never really went on a date, so I never did ask. By the time I asked them to do something, it was more like, “what shall we do tonight?” I.e., we were already in a relationships just because we were doing a lot of stuff together as part of groups.

@wundayatta : Gee, you shoulda asked me! I would have said yes and we might have had some fun!

@JilltheTooth I shoulda. Now where’s that time machine? There’s never one around when you need it!

“I’m sorry, but I just don’t see you in that way.”

It’s a sucky situation, huh? :(

@augustlan I like that answer. I’ll use it.

Ok, I sent an email I know, I know, tacky, but this has all been through email and told him that I wasn’t interested in going out with him, that I didn’t see him that way. Cross your fingers that he will finally get the message.

Luck is wished!

I hope, for your sake and his, that he gets the hint! Keep us posted :)

Have a story! After my folks got divorced, Dad occasionally went out dancing at the nicer clubs in Wichita. One time he took my sister. She was 21 at the time and she is beautiful. Well, Dad was on the dance floor, and some guy asked my sister to dance. She politely declined, and he leaned down, got in her face and, practically spitting, said, ”BITCH!” and left. My sister just froze in shock and fear. Dad got back to the table, looked at her and asked what was wrong. In a trembling voice she told him. Dad asked her to point the guy out. She did. Dad (who is a MAJOR passivist) walked over and, with his slight Texas drawl, said “Mister. That young lady over there is my daughter and I think you and I need to step outside.”
The drunk said, “You got it!! Right now man!!” and jumped to his feet and looked up at my dad. And then he realized he was looking up….and up…and up…it’s a good thing my Dad’s a passivist because he’s also 6’5”! Dude’s eyes get real big and he starts sputtering and apologizing…Dad says, “You need to apologize to her, and make it a good one.”
Dude about fell all over himself apologizing to my sister! He couldn’t say it enough different ways :) Heh!
Love you Dad!!! Miss you too. :(