[NSFW?] What is the impact of childhood rape?

I have been molested but never raped and I really think the answer to this question is as varied as the people involved that were ever raped. I think it traumatizes a person, sure, but I don’t think it inevitably means they will never trust again, emotionally or physically and plenty do. As to why someone would be attracted to victims, that’s a different can of worms and obviously, imo, has to do with something in them needing a possibly ‘damaged’ person – people do this all the time when seeking a relationship and their potential partner doesn’t have to be a rape victim. In generaly, I wouldn’t think of them as healthy, these kinds of people.

”...possible effects…”

An inability to develop a sense of trust with anyone.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rape_Trauma_Syndrome

I was raped at the age of 15. It lead me to believe that was all that men boys wanted from me. Sex. I became very promiscuous after that, thinking I needed to have sex with someone for them to love me. It took me a long time to realize someone could like me for me. It really messed with my self-esteem.

I never had a meaningful relationship until I met my husband.

Lack of trust in men was (and still is) a biggie. And, like jonsblond said, you feel that men who are interested in you, they just want sex (I still struggle with this).

This is something that I am working on via therapy.

Molested at 6.

I was doing a research paper on the effects of childhood sexual trauma, and apparently they are more likely to become juvenile delinquents, not able to trust as easily, and things like that.
@Thammuz basically got it with the wikipedia thing, though.

;shakes fist; wikipedia!

I have a very close friend who was raped as a child. She spent a good many years with obsessive sexual thoughts, and still has to work hard to be able to trust men. After the guy stopped raping her (it was an ongoing thing), she did not have sex again until she was 25. She was very much afraid to begin sexual intimacy as an adult.

For me it meant that I didn’t have a lot of trust in men. I stopped dating. My husband had to be very persistent in asking me out.

The real challenge came after we were married. He had to deal with a lot from me. I was/am in therapy and it has been a long, hard road. Sex was awful for years. But by him staying by me I have been able to slowly build trust again. We have a deeply understanding, loving and great sexual relationship now. We worked hard for it.

I was molested as a child and have massive issues with trust. I do generally think all men want is sex. I have an incredibly low self-esteem, confidence issues, I’m scared of the world, I trouble with my own sexuality, I feel dirty, tainted and horrible. I thought for a long time that I would get men to like me and appreciate me through having sex with them, because after all that’s what they wanted. I felt that they had a right to my body.

Having seen some of the light now I struggle to even want to contemplate a relationship with a man. I am bi-sexual but I even struggle with getting close to women, sometimes they feel like even more of a threat. I’m not in a good place right now, but it’s not all down the to molestation, I’ve been through years of other physical and emotional abuse and bullying. I’m hopeful things will get better at times, but this is all too rare an experience. I want to crawl under the duvet….forever.

I want to send out my love and heartfelt hugs to everyone else who has been through this and anything similar xxx

BUT in spite of all the negatives from the above posts, being raped, even over an extended period of time, will not necessarily cause permanent damage. It has an awful lot to do with the victim’s personality, as well as how they see themselves during the rape and after it. Elizabeth Smart is a well known example of what I mean.

@snowberry – There are ways to recover, and there are ways to ensure that you don’t allow yourself to be a victim all your life…but that’s different than saying that the person hasn’t suffered permanent damage from the trauma.

@snowberry Elizabeth Smart’s outward appearance is that she has recovered and moved on, but we don’t know what scars will live inside her the rest of her life.

@snowberry There is permanent damage. Yes, people move on with their life, but the image is still there. It’s an ugly image that will never go away. I still have nightmares, even though they are rare. this happened to me 25 years ago

It changed who I am.
– I have recurrent post-traumatic stress disorder, depression and flashbacks.
– Adjusting to being married was extremely difficult.
– I do not trust well.
– My self-image and self-worth waver.
– I don’t trust people with my son.
– I am afraid.
– I am constantly on the lookout (walking on a sidewalk, in a stairwell, in the elevator, driving… constantly).
– I go through phases where I don’t believe I was raped and blame myself.
– Certain smells are triggers.
– Sometimes I need to not be touched by others.

It was on Thanksgiving 15 years ago (the first time), when I was 15.

Well, I am proof that it can go away. It takes a lot of work. It doesn’t work for everyone. I’d say that statistically it doesn’t even happen for most folks, but it can go away. For me, it took an encounter with God. I still have the memories, but they no longer hurt. I won’t say that my past has not affected me in other ways. But if it has, I am not aware of it, and the pain and the shame are gone.

Edit: As I think about it, these are the ways it has affected me. I am comfortable working with people going through all sorts of pain. I can walk someone through cancer, disability, mental illness, and lots of things like that. God has healed me from a lot more than rape, but now that I’m on the other side, I consider this ability as a gift from God. It’s not fun, but the rewards are priceless.

For this to happen, my entire personality, and outlook on life would have to make an about face, which it did. If you last saw me ten years ago, you would not recognize me today except for my appearance, and in all honesty, I’ve even been told I look different.

My point, neither mental scars nor physical scars must be permanently debilitating, and that’s close enough to “healed” for me. Nothing is impossible with Jesus.

I think dealing with the rape itself is one thing… dealing with the circumstances around it is quite another.

For me, having been raped by a “boyfriend” (at 15) made relationships with men difficult. Getting pregnant as a result compounded the difficulties to the nth degree. I lost my adolescence. I was forced into adulthood and parenthood. I have had to struggle to get my education. I have been pointed at, gossiped about, lost pretty much all of my friends, had to drop out of high school, had a very unpleasant pregnancy, don’t have fond memories of his childhood, etc. This has all been much more difficult than the rape itself… but also make memories of the rape much more difficult and painful.

Now that I am married (it’s been just over a year now)... many wounds re-opened. I felt that I had done as much work by myself that I could and getting married provided many opportunities for further “growth” (i.e. pain). I’ve had to work on having my first healthy sexual relationship. I’ve had to sit across from my rapist in court when my husband attempted to adopt my son.

Now that my kiddo is a teenager, and darn close to the age I was when I was raped, life is difficult again. He had a not-completely-wanted sexual experience and, as a result, learned of the circumstances of his own conception. His hormones, age and untaught mannerisms (genetics?) are extremely difficult for me to deal with.

But this is just my story… I’m sure there are people who more easily move on and others who cannot easily move on.

I had two traumatic sexual experiences in my childhood, and to this day I have abnormal sexual issues. Very abnormal. It has really affected my life, and is one of the reasons I’m pro death penalty for pedophiles.

@WillWorkForChocolate Very abnormal.

Trust me, in a world that includes diaper fetishists, scat ehthusuasts and furries, no sexual issue derived from psychological trauma can be described as “abnormal”. No matter how weird you think your issues may be they’re likely to be more than normal (Which doesn’t make them ay less hard to manage or hurtful, mind you).

@Thammuz I didn’t mean abnormal in the sense that I’m participating in weird fetishes… I’ll give one example: when I’m in the shower or bath and I’m cleaning myself, I get this weird sensation in the pit of my stomach, sort of like “butterflies in the stomach” before a big stage performance or something. Only the sensation is magnified by about times 50. It’s a horrible feeling like even bathing myself is making me “dirty” and at the same time I have a feeling of being watched. I can’t clean my breasts and nether regions without feeling like a dirty whore who is being watched and enjoyed. It’s the most awful feeling. And that’s only one aspect of it.