Do damaged people attract each other?

First of all, I don’t think there are really that many damaged people, only people with different experiences.

Secondly, I think that if you suffer from some kind of specific condition or whatever, that you are simply more likely to notice it in others since you spend so much time thinking about it in the first place.

I can’t speak for other people – and this is a great question, by the way – but I know that, even if I don’t consciously seek out other people like me, I’m much more comfortable around them. I find myself feeling very uncomfortable around people who have had easy lives, and it’s very hard for me to relate to them. Not that I’m against it at all, because I’m definitely not. But I’m pretty fucked in the head, and I hate feeling misunderstood.

Show me one undamaged person @Fiddle_Playing_Creole_Bastard… Show me one person in the world who has not been affected by the bombardment of external stimuli upon them.

Point being, if I’ve been affected in any way, then I am not who I was before the affect. Thus, I have been damaged to some degree. Thus, we all, as damaged people, are doomed to attract (and repel) nothing more than other damaged people.

Who among us may claim purity or perfection?

My shrink told me we attract people with our own level of madness and it certainly has proved true for me. When I was in the depth of my madness and addiction I only found solace with others in the same mode but as I worked at healing I found I had less and less in common with or taste for the company of those same people. It is why couples where one is an addict and the other an enabler, the relationships fail if one gets into recovery.

It was always a joke, but very true, that if there are 2 ACOA’s in a room of hundreds of people, those 2 would find each other in a matter of minutes and probably be engaged to be married in an hour or so.

I think it is just that what is normal is an individual thing and when we find someone else as “normal” as we are, we latch onto them.

I too, think we are all damaged in one way or another. Like attracts like whether we know it at the time or not.

I prefer to use the word healthy myself.

A lot of what people call ‘damaged’ can be healed and leave no ill effect.

And yes, as @rooeytoo said, unconscious/unhealed personalities do tend to attract a like minded level of consciousness, healthiness, or unhealthiness in others.

Mirror, mirror. ;-)

I recently got dumped, and it sent my life into a bit of a depressed spiral. The two people who have been most consoling/helpful or who’ve shown the most romantic connection with me in that time, are two girls in similar situations.

You’re making a lot of assumptions. As someone said above, we notice patterns. It’s actually a survival mechanism in our species to notice similar things and link them in seemingly meaningful ways.

People don’t attract others with similar problems necessarily. But through underlying issues they may choose to foster those relationships more readily. You’re not a magnet in a pile of bipolar nails. You may meet someone and through similar life experiences notice you have commonalities which make you more likely to open up to them faster than others.

Besides that, psychiatric conditions are overdiagnosed, misdiagnosed and frequently self-diagnosed. I’ve known a lot of people who claim to be bipolar… because they saw it on TV. Or because, surprisingly they thought it would make them more well liked or get them a bit more slack in school or at work.

And another thing to consider is (not necessarily confined to a common diagnosis) the need we have as humans to connect on any level. We exaggerative in conversation how much we like a movie, lie about what music we like, go along with others suggestions and change ourselves in small ways just to make a friend. We’re social, and largely desperate.

I think it is common for people to find similarities because we’re all similar, no matter how much our mothers say differently. But there are a lot of reasons as to why we as individuals land on specific common themes rather than others first.

I think it’s probably because their minds work more similarly, and so they get each other better without having to overly explain each other.
Aren’t we always comparing others to ourselves? Someone shares a story, and automatically we’re finding ourselves either searching for or already holding in our minds a story of ours that relates—(or counters…)—it.

At least for me, I find people I’m too different from harder to really understand. I know why they think a certain way, but only because I’m conscious of the differences between us, and only at an intellectual level.

Mental ‘damage’ is usually the cause or the effect of a certain way of thinking and viewing the world. So even if people vary greatly in their interests or backgrounds, that fundamental alikeness becomes a connection that lies somewhere between consciousness and subconsciousness. It’s powerful and attractive, that someone might not only understand you, but understand and relate to your ‘faults’ without you having to divulge to or burden them.

@RealEyesRealizeRealLies, the way I see it, “damage” is all in how you look at it. I have been through some crazy shit in my life, a great deal of external stimuli, as you put it, but I don’t think I’m “damaged” in the slightest. I know plenty of people who look at it the same way. It’s all semantics, but whatever.

What you are saying @wundayatta makes sense to a certain degree. But maybe if you look for the connection you find it. I am just thinking about my own experiences, and I’m not sure.

Some of my friends have been really similar to me, in regards to their past, but others not.
I had a lovely upbringing, and was brought up in a very secure family, and been I suppose what you could describe as ‘normal’ (if there is any such thing) I have been attracted to a whole array of people, for many different reasons, some damaged , some not.

I have had a very tragic moment in my life not so long ago, but I haven’t come across anyone who shares a similar experience, or been able to pick it out. However I have become very empathetic to others with a similar story to mine, when I read about them in the paper or on tv etc, so maybe if I met them in real life we would connect.

Who knows.

It would be nice though to have someone who understands what you are going through, so long as its healthy . Sometimes two negative affected people can feed off each other & drag each other down. Sometimes you need a stable -’ rock of a person’ to lean on,

It’s a great observation, and a good question that makes you think!!!

It’s really just about emphathy and sometimes knowing that what that person went through, you went through as well and it helps foster a bond, something you might not do as readily. I don’t attract people w/panic disorders but when they come my way, I get them more than others.

people seek understanding and in order to understand you must have shared experiences

People are the reflects images of what you are. And yes it’s true that damaged/ emotionally abused people attracts each other and healthy would attracts healthy. It’s spiritual more than psychological thing. Your soul leads your body and mind.
However, that attraction might not last forever, if one of the person in a relationship developed him/herself or got recovered from being damaged to healthy at some point in life then the relationship will start to disappear, because that person who use to be a damaged will start seek and enjoy time with healthy and happy people.