What's your favorite idle threat?
Asked by
snowberry (
27879
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December 1st, 2010
Two of my favorites are:
If you don’t submit, I’ll hang you from your toes and beat you with an organic carrot until you’re unconscious!
Don’t do it, or you will come down with a very bad case of bad luck!
What are yours? (I want a fresh supply.)
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20 Answers
I heard a woman yell to her kids: “Behave or I’ll rip your arms off and beat you with them!”
She was kidding.
It was hysterical. The kids (about 8–10 years old) totally ignored her. That would have given me nightmares!
The classic “One more word and I’ll turn this car around and no one gets to go to (Disney World/go skiing/whatever).”
I’ll make you scream like a little girl ;)
I threaten “my” kiddos by saying I’ll sell them to the zoo and bring back a baby gorilla, because I know a gorilla will put away their shoes/speak respectfully/etc.
It’s been years and their reaction is always to roll their eyes or giggle, but I still feel the need to make sure they know I’m kidding and will love them forever. God, I hope they don’t end up in therapy.
Just remember I gave you your life and I can take it away!! Now go empty the dishwasher!!!
Awesome responses! Thanks so much! If you come up with more, please post them.
Mine was always “Do <whatever> or I’ll bore you death with empty threats!” Katawagrey always loved that one.
I will beat you so bad, your mother will not recognize you.
Stole it from someone on Top Chef just now. Sue me. :P
If you don’t shut up right now, I’ma knock yo’ butt into next week!
Oh, stifling the urge to yell back “HEY, THAT’S IMPOSSIBLE!” when I was 7 was ever so hard.
I tell my kids, “Stop that right now, or I’ll beat you with a wet noodle!”
My mom used to say, “I’m gonna split your lip in about two seconds!”
Stop walking in circles or I’ll nail your other foot to the floor.
When they were younger, I would say, “Watch it, or the next time your friends are in the car with us, I will sing along with the radio.” Given that I cannot carry a tune in a bucket, and am an enthusiastic singer, that usually worked quite nicely.
I’ll pull this car over and make you walk home.
That stopped after I jumped out of the car while a cop was behind us.
“I’m going to gouge your eyes out & skull fuck you!” Said by the Pope to the Queen of England….he was in a bad mood that day :¬)
“I’m not going to let you go to any Justin Beiber concerts unless you stop smoking weed!”
For some reason I don’t find win-win situations to be that threatening. ;-)
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