How should I handle these false accusations?
Asked by
kking18 (
4
)
December 2nd, 2010
Me and my ex had a very bad breakup, and yes there was a great amount of drama but we’ve talked it out and for awhile we were able to have civil conversations in text and over the phone. Lately someone (I believe its one of his close friends, who doesn’t like me too much.) has been telling him complete lies about me “trying to ruin his life” and saying I’m speading rumors about him. Last Monday, somebody hacked into his Facebook and caused some drama with his friends, and my name was brought up. Appearently I hacked into his facebook, I have no reculection of doing so whatsoever…in fact I’m pretty sure I DID NOT DO IT.
Bottom line we were “that couple” the ones who loved each other since 8th grade and deep down we still do. But its so hard to fix things when he keeps hearing these lies. I’m getting tired of constantly defending myself of these type of accusations especially because im innocent. I’ve talk to him about it and he says he “just needs time to trust” me again.
Is this drama worth it at all?
Should I keep repeatedly defending myself?
How much longer should I wait for him to “trust” me again?
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8 Answers
Personally i think that what you need to do is find out who is telling him these lies. They are the one you need to confront, not him. Also i think that if he doesn’t believe you you just need to tell him straight out that you aren’t telling lies and spreading rumors and starting drama and if he doesn’t believe you then you’re not as close as you thought. But of course don’t use those exact words. Make it from the heart :)
I think what you need to do is cut off all contact with him and plan on moving on with your life.
You need to stop worrying about what he thinks, what his friends are saying, all that stuff.
Just live your life. You may be able to be friends with him again later, but not right now.
You might ask him to find out where this “friend” of yours went to school in middle school. Then tell him to find out where he went to high school. If that’s on your face book page, delete it NOW! Ask him to do some sleuthing for himself. But ultimately you may need to delete your account. It might be the only way to limit the damage.
You had a very bad breakup for a reason perhaps you should invest some time re-evaluating why that happened and if hanging on to him is a wise move overall. Those long term breakups are the hardest to make. I would let it and him go for a while and just see where life leads you.
The only way to salvage the relationship in the long run is to give it a rest, and walk away from it completely. Why would you want a relationship with someone who believes lies of you? He needs space to figure out that his friends are messing with him, and it will come out on its own, but not if you’re still in the middle of it. People who do that sort of thing eventually will want to take “credit” for their actions.
Dump the guy, completely, and move on. If he’s worthwhile, he’ll come after you once he figures out the truth.
Why are you only “pretty sure” you didn’t hack into his Facebook account? You could have done it accidentally? Or maybe when you were blacked out? That’s a very strange way of putting it.
You should stop trying to defend yourself. It doesn’t help. It only makes him feel like you don’t hear what he’s saying. If you want him to trust you, then you have to act trustworthy. I know that there can be incredible anxiety when your lover pulls back from you and it considering making it permanent. All you can do is continue to be who you are and to be honest and hope he’ll come back of his own will.
That’s very difficult to do, especially when you have all kinds of anxiety going on. But as long as you feel that anxiety, you’ll act crazy, and he’ll think he’s right to be rid of you.
@wundayatta I think that she was being a little bit sarcastic. She was just joking. She knows she really didn’t. right @kking18?
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