Should secrets about oneself stay secret?

What is your motivation for telling?

You description sounds like the kind of secrets you would share with a counselor or psychologist, but certainly not a friend or relative.

if you need to tell someone, tell a therapist. The therapist can help you work through any issues and/or feelings about what was done to you.

If you tell, it’s no longer a secret, and could very easily become gossip.

Motivation? Maybe to finally get it off my chest. I don’t look for anything to happen by sharing, but maybe to feel a little more at peace with myself.

Thanks for the responses so far. I’ll look into therapy and give it a shot.

truth is earned… free to give and take… but always earned

If you did harm to another person, then that person deserves the truth and a sincere apology. Theyare already a party to the secret. Otherwise, no one can forgive you for your past actions but yourself. Counseling will help put things into the correct perspective. Pretty much everyone has something that they’re not exactly proud of.

This is a hard question to answer since I (we) don’t know what the secret is. Of course, that’s the point. That’s why it’s a secret. [ ;
It really depends on the character of who you’re wanting to tell them to.

Personally, I keep anything I’m not sure on whether or not I should share to myself, locked tight in a cage in my mind. It works for me… mostly.

If you feel like you’re about to explode if you don’t tell anyone, then I would say tell someone. Exploding’s not so much fun. Tell whoever you feel most comfortable revealing these deeply hidden things with. (And who also you know will deal with it responsibly.)

It sounds like you’re thinking of one person in particular? It really depends on if you want to tell them and if you trust them enough to tell them. I’m not sure there’s really a should or shouldn’t.
I don’t know what it is that would change so drastically how someone views you, if they truly know and care about you.

—Just read your response.—Make sure you find a therapist you trust/get along with/like.

A therapist is good, but finding someone you can talk to while remaining anonymous is another option. Do you just want to tell your story? Or do you want feedback? There are lots of place online where you can ell your story. If you go to the Experience Project, you’ll probably find a dozen people who share that experience. Maybe more. Trust me. There are some very weird stories there.

Another thing to do is to hang out at a website like this one and answer questions until you find someone like you, or someone you trust that you can confide in. It takes patience to take this approach, but I’ve found a number of truly wonderful people using that technique, and I’m not very friendly. I also don’t recognize when people are trying to tell me they like me. But there are people out there who are willing to clonk you on the head if they like you.

For the type of secrets you are looking to share, and your motivation for sharing [getting it off of your chest], I would recommend speaking to a professional.

The reason for this is that your secrets will remain secrets for sure. Telling a regular person is iffy at best and your secrecy cannot be certain.

Telling anyone aside from a therapist would only make sense if the secret had to do with a feeling of distance others aren’t sure of or put of by, like say between you and a SO.

Never tell. Unless it is to a therapist. Unless you want your secrets to be known all over.
I have never told anyone the real reasons I got a divorce until I started dating this guy that I thought was going to be in my life for a long time. He ended up telling my “secret” to a few people we were out eating and drinking with. As if it was nothing, as if it meant nothing. My secret, my soul bared open for people I will never see again, who won’t understand what the whole thing meant to me. I will never, ever tell my secrets again.

@BarnacleBill No, I didn’t hurt anyone else, but its as you said, its something no one would be proud of.

@DancingMind You’re right, there was one person I had in mind. But after reading through the responses, I see it may not be a good idea. It’s not something I want the entire community to know :P

Start journalling in a private notebook… in this way, you get it all out, but no one needs to share it. It’s kind of like sharing it with yourself. And seeing it on a written page gives a much different perspective than keeping it in your mind.

As time goes by, the thoughts in our mind become pliable, tainted, bent, convoluted, attempting to make connections that were never there in the first place, all for the sake of finding resolve. But when your thoughts are recorded on a page (hand written preferably), then we can look back over time and see where our mind was at that time, noticing it may be different than where we are now.

Seeing that contrast between recorded history and immediate feelings is monumental in discovering that things aren’t always as they seem, as good as they seemed, or as bad as they seemed.

Write it down.

If they are wrongs that I committed and no one else knows, I would never tell. If someone has hurt me, then it is no secret, because the one who did hurt to me knows my so called secret. That person could reveal my secret at any time, and personally, I would want to beat them to the punch.
If your secrets aren’t protecting anyone and you just need to get it off your chest, then you need to confide in someone who you feel comfortable with.

The main thing to remember is there is no taking it back once you have shared your secret so be really sure before you do it. I think your resolution to find a therapist is a good idea. He or she can help you make the right decision.

@AmWiser Well there’s a reason I haven’t told anyone before. I would say why, but then I’ll be even more transparent than I think I already am.

@Supacase I’ve given that alot of thought, which is why I asked here before I made my decision.

But yeah, after reading over the responses again, I’ll definitely seek out professional help instead of what I had originally planned. Thanks.

In my life putting anything as personal as you describe on paper is a bad idea. If you are going to journal, do it through an electronic medium with an encrypted password on it. There’s too much chance of someone finding a paper journal and then not only do they have my one secret, they have everything in the book. Yikes!

Bust out if they are not secrets any more…!!!