When you get divorced, how do you decide who gets the friends?

I kept the friends in all of my relationships.

When I broke up with a guy who had introduced me to his circle of friends, I kept them. He did not. Some of them are still friends 30 years later.

When my first marriage broke up, I stayed friends with his cousins. They even took photos at my second wedding. I am still friends with them.

I don’t think there was a plan.

Wow. I just GA’d your question!

There were some that stayed loyal to him, generally the ones that helped him hide his affairs. (one even suggested that he and I should have an affair) Then there were the ones I liked to call “the reporters.” They reported all the things going on in our lives, but somehow never figured out that we knew what they were doing. There were the ones that decided to hate him, even though I had no hate campaign going, too much energy for me. Finally, there are the true friends. To my knowledge they are still friends with both sides, the dynamics just change.

Divorce is a funny thing, but it did teach me a valuable lesson, who my true friends really are…and for that, I am very thankful.

I moved away, so generally the friends that were there remained friends with her, and had an easier time not feeling bad that they weren’t friends with me. There are a few exceptions of course. Notably, my best friend from before my first marriage (we had grown apart somewhat during that time) and I became close again, probably not coincidentally at the same time as my marriage was falling apart.

I think the friends decide, depending on who they feel the most comfortable with.

Our friends used their best judgment and ended up not liking my ex-wife lol. I think it had something to do with her stealing from one of them after they volunteered to let her stay at their house and drive her to the airport…....

I, too, think the friends decide. My ex and I are both still friends with some of the same people, and do see each other quite often. I’m Facebook friends with a lot of his relatives (but not him – his choice). My divorce was not typical, though. It was less antagonistic than most, I suspect.

I have never divorced, but I have had many friends who have. I tried to stay friends with both sides, and almost always couldn’t. It’s just too painful for all involved. These days I try to stay friends with both, but not as close.

Seems to be the popular answer, the friends decide and we go on. Usually, there are no surprises. The people close to her stay with her and vise versa.

If that were to happen my husband can keep our friends. I would probably move back home. I do have some friends there that are friends with both of us there but he wouldn’t move back there. So I think location can determine friendships. We just moved here two years ago and there isn’t anyone here I am close too so its would be no big deal.

I noticed the friends decided. If they preferred me they dumped him. If they preferred him they dumped me. If the woman and I had been real good friends she remained close. So you both lose friends, family members decide who was right or wrong and basically it’s a bad deal I’d never recommend.

Yes, I would agree with many above, the friends decide. My former husband, while not particularly close to more than a few people, got most of the friends because of his financial and social status. Sadly and rude awakening for ME, I learned how many phony friends I had for a long time! I realize as well I cannot fault people for wanting to “climb the social ladder” as it is, very basically, some aspect of Human Nature…towards their own survival. Believe it or not, this reasoning helped me eliminate resentment. It’s primal. I wish ANYONE a civilized divorce and that they maintain their friendships if possible, even separately.