For Jellies who have purchased homes with their SO: Any tips?

If you are in the US, get a reputable real estate agent. S/he can be a sort of guidance counselor in helping the two of you think and work through all of scenarios that should be taken into consideration and aid in keeping you on track.

My SO and I plan to put together a list of house projects and divide them by ‘need to’ and ‘want to’, and then prioritize them. Communication and compromise are the keys. I’m really looking forward to it.

I’ve been very lucky, because both my husband and I come from a real estate background and were able to determine for ourselves what we could afford, which is the first step. Many real estate agents try to talk couples into paying more than they can afford, which is part of the reason for the recession we are now in.

Do a lot of research before you take such a big step. There are many sites with general information for you to base your choices on.

Remember that you are purchasing shelter, not necessarily making an investment with a guaranteed return on investment. This is another part of the recession; people bought more house than they could afford, thinking that they could sell it and make a guaranteed profit.

Be cognizant of the fact that with home ownership comes expenses that you don’t have renting—on a large scale, roofs need replacing, furnaces and water heaters go out, windows may be bad, landscaping needs to be added or replaced. You need long term savings for home maintenance. My father’s advice (which has proven to be accurate over time) is that you need to be able to save and equivalent amount of half of the principal portion of your mortgage payment as long-term savings for maintenance. As example, if your mortage payment is $500 principal/$300 interest, you should be saving $250 a month in a savings account for projected home repairs.

A new house does not guarantee freedom from maintenace issues; often substandard materials are used. Pay attention to the mechanics of the house.

The new place up north is the third house we have bought together. The two earlier homes needed a lot of work, and there were disagreements on which to do first. The Third place is new, so we aren’t having that discussion. Instead, we have agreed that anything we bring into the house has to be agreed to by both of us. My wife often violates this.

My best advise for young people buying a home is to buy one that you can afford. Size, work on to be done, etc. comes down the list. Our present day situation in the U.S. proves this. Too many bought houses they could not afford. Financial stress is the quickest way to ruin a good relationship.

Don’t buy a house with anyone other than your spouse. That’s my advice.

We married and lived in a small, shingle house for two years. one child and one on the way, we needed more room. we searched and searched for just the right house for us, not me or her, for us. as we drove down the street, to see the last house on our list, we both spotted our dream home, together. we could not believe what we were seeing. it was perfect for me and my family and my wife totally agreed. did you catch it? my wife and i totally agreed with each other. this is what its all about. both agreeing. i would not attempt to accomplish this fete, without a marriage license between the both of you.

We are still here, after 41 years and have no plans of moving. its paid for and we both still agree that this was the house of our dreams. we were blessed.

@john65pennington not sure how a ‘marriage license’ makes a couple more agreeable… but ok….

The marriage license was the “bond“that held us together, like Gorilla glue. i guess we had more respect for our marriage and each other, than people do today. in the 60s, a marriage was a total lifetime commitment between two people. not so, today. we were a team then and still are today.

@john65pennington well said. When hubby and I married over 26 years ago now, we made a promise that we both knew was for life, it makes me sad that so many couples don’t even seem to work at it any more. Life is tough at times, but its so much easier to face as a strong and committed couple. We have so far in our life bought several homes together and the most important piece of advice I could give is to buy what you can afford to pay for, don’t go by cosmetic appearances either. Part of the fun of a new home is making it yours even if it takes ages to work through one room at a time, so long as you do it together, its worth it.
hugs xx

I agree that a house is a house, but a home is made and it can be the settling cement in a relationship. I’ve owned homes before and done renovations. He never has, and, to his credit, he is wary to buy a ‘fixer-upper’ because he knows his own limits. Location is playing a large part in this, as we both have jobs that don’t play a huge role as to where we are. In fact, given the right property and space, I can increase my income. We’re starting to look at rural properties and it’s getting a bit scary. Their either too far out, too dilapidated, or too expensive. It’s frustrating, and a bit of a roller-coaster ride, but we are agreeing 99% of the time. When we look at properties together, we have the same comments and impressions, we just can’t find one… sniff sniff and I’m wondering how much we will need to change our criteria and if that is going to effect how well we are agreeing at the moment. We feel a clock ticking as well, because our rental lease is up on the 1st of January and our landlord told us on the 24th of November he’s not renewing it. (we have had renewals in the past and he gave us no indication that he wouldn’t renew again.) I only want to move once, but we don’t want to make a rush decision either.

Anyway, thanks again, folks for listening to me ramble.

Wow. Each time I got “the house of my dreams” my ex sold it. lol ! Then I got the house of my nightmares. But , he always won. Then after the “total lifetime committment” he made turned into his toilet paper my now s/o and I have agreed on each and every house since. Each one fully paid for at settlement (or at closing as they say in the south) I take that back; the first one wasn’t paid for.

The best advice I got about home ownership came from our inspector. He told us to expect to spend around $5000 per year on maintenance. He was right on the button! I think that the figure is now $10,000 per year (we bought our house 20 years ago.

We didn’t have too much trouble agreeing on what we wanted. It took us much more time to get a couch and a living room rug than it did to buy the house. We did everything to prepare—figuring out where we wanted to live and how much we could afford and what we were looking for.

We did a lot of looking with a lot of agents, but in the end, we bought the place across the street that had been for sale the whole time. We bought it from the owners. We negotiated on our own. I think everyone was happy. I knew we’ve enjoyed the house for 20 years now.

@cazzie When you marry you make a vow before community and God (for some of us). If those vows are taken in the spirit of true commitment, they are very hard to break. Strength can be drawn from them through the years. “In love” comes and goes but there is nothing more precious that knowing your husband or your wife is by your side yesterday, today, and tomorrow. It’s not about being agreeable, it’s about consensus and doing your lives as a unit.

Hey, people, I’m talking about buying a house. Not asking for a lecture on ‘family values’....

Thank you.

You are the one who said, “not sure how a ‘marriage license’ makes a couple more agreeable… but ok….” I responded to you. If you don’t understand what consensus has to do with successfully owning real estate with someone, my advice is do not buy it. Find something to rent.

@perspicacious I was commenting on what @john65pennington wrote. and I still don’t see how a piece of paper makes a couple more agreeable. I don’t think you’ve read my posts.

We are married. 8 years. so…..... read my posts in the thread and try to offer some actual practical suggestions rather than getting condescending and holier than Thou. I’m pretty sure your god looks down on self-righteousness.