What makes a marriage last? Especially with two very different personalities?

It sounds like you guys might benefit from some counseling to work on conflict management and conflict resolution, if he’d be willing to go. Having some disagreements is normal. How we work through them says a lot. Have you ever asked him why he thinks the two of you should agree all the time? I hope things get better for you.

Inertia

Sounds like when you have, as you say, “disagreements,” about anything and they get out of hand, you may be using that time as an opportunity to resolve too many things that have built up.

You know how you have an argument about him not putting the toilet seat down but it really isn’t about that at all. It may be because you feel you don’t get enough help around the house with the toddler and other chores. Little things build up and become big things that have no relation to the straw that breaks the camel’s back and creates the big fight. That is just an example.

I’d suggest you tell your husband how much you love him and your life but that there is something you’d like to talk to him about – here is the important thing – when he has a chance and feels like really listening to your concerns.

Explain what you just said here. That you don’t like arguing over the stupidiest things and you need to pick one a day every 10 days or so where you both have a special time to talk out those “stupid things.” Re-enforce that you aren’t bitching or whining, make it light hearted and explain it may be hormones, but that you need this from him. Make it a candle lit discussion time with a bottle of wine after the baby has gone to bed.

Men’s minds work differently than women’s minds for the most part. You might say, “Did you hear what the baby just said?” And instead of seeing the cute expression you wanted to share, he thinks you are accusing him of not being attentive enough. Who knows what goes inside those brains when they aren’t belching or scratching. They are wonderful creatures though and you know how to push his buttons better than anyone, for your benefit if you know what I mean.

Every relationship, especially when you are young with so many responsiilities and financial things going on in your lives has some ups and downs. It always levels out and the good out numbers the bad. I promise.

I hope you find some peace in your heart. Best wishes.

You both have differing views on conflict. Rather than an opportunity to resolve differences, he sees it as a bad thing. He probably was raised in an environmet where conflict was not allowedor was handled badly, isten to the metaphors that he ues to describe conflict situations, they will give ou some idea about how he views it.
I agree with @Seaofclouds, counseling is an excellent idea. Not so much to work our yur issues, but to give you and him the tools to work then out yourselves.

Love, patience, respect and a willingness to adapt and change when it is needed.
As for how to handle an arguement I found writting my feelings in a note and handing it to him later helped us out a great deal.
Avoid using the word you as much as possible except where it is necessary.
Address the problem at hand. Not the arguement from 2 months ago.
Start with stating that you do love him and you do not wish to offend or attack him only you wish to resolve your problems even if he doesn’t see it. You want to help him to understand and you feel that you did not convey your feelings in a proper way. You do not wish to harbor bad feelings and want to go back to being happy and for him to be happy as well. But only as a couple working through it can you both be happy.
Avoiding and ignoring hurt feelings will only lead to an unhealthy relationship.
Now read over you letter several times and read it as if someone handed it to you. Erase or rewrite any part that may seem to be more of an attack.
Writting taught me to really see how I may add fuel to the fire when just verbalizing while angry.
So I will say about 98 percent of our arguments have disappeared all together and we wait till we cool down before letting crap just fall out of our mouths.

You have to want it. There has to be that underlying love that keeps you pushing to make it work better. If you have good will and you believe your partner does, too, then that goes a long way. It doesn’t solve problems—that takes work. What it does is make you feel like you are both willing to do the work.

I was brought up to hate any kind of angry conflict, as was my wife. Anger scares both of us. We don’t know what to do with it. It feels like it means things are over. Just saying.

Compromise, respect, trust and yes, love. Unberstad it is a give and take, not a power struggle. Oh, communication!

Some of the problems you are describing, should have been settled back four years ago. wife and i both had an ego problem, when we first married. both of us thought we each had hung the moon. i realized that we had a problem. i suggested we write would what we thought was wrong with the other person. we did this and swapped papers. in writing, we both could see what was lacking or not lacking, in each other. it was like a smack down back in the 60s. this did more for our marriage than any counseling. it was he said, she said on paper. once we wrote our complaints against each other and then swapped, a whole new sense of well-being came over our marriage. we both knew that the changes had to come, if we were to survive as a married couple. both of us put forward the effort to change our habits for the benefit of each other. you might say this was the Holy Graille of our marriage. a constitution of marriage for us to live by. we both made the changes and its been a truly great 45 years of a partnership marriage.

If both people are willing to make and take the effort to please their partner, the sky is the limit on how long you will stay together in harmony.

Ability to accept imperfection.

This is purely speculation, so please take it with a grain of salt. Your husband may have a higher level of competition than you do, meaning that he feels that it is very important to win the argument. You may also have a high degree of competition, which may be why you aren’t able to let the argument go with he as the winner. There are certain topics that can easily be resolved by a clear-cut answer and those that are in the grey.

Without any specific examples provided, it’s difficult to advise, and every relationship is different. Therapy may be helpful, but from what I’ve seen, it depends not only on the therapist but on the willingness of both partners. It seems as if you both still love each other and are willing to work out the differences.

A changing of tactics may be in order. One of the most valuable lessons I’ve learned in life is living by The Platinum Rule: Do Unto Others As They Want Done Unto Them.

The phrase, “You may be right” said with a smile does much to help marital concord. It has taken my husband and me – two very competitive people – nigh on 35 years to learn that.