What do you do when people you know brag on themselves/their kids/whatever constantly?

I usually will sing along..or fake a heart attack at intermission and not come back…sometimes a well-placed fart says all you need to say too ;)

I hate people who do nothing but constantly try to one-up you and brag about their lives and their spouse and their kids and their job at the same time. I hate it. I try, generally, not to associate with that type, so it’s not often a problem. :)

Walk away and find something better to do with my time.

It all depends on the context. If we are talking about kids and we can tell stories without competing then nothing needs to be done. Again, if someone is talking about their accomplishments for some purpose other than to make someone else feel bad or for self-aggrandizement, then there’s no problem.

If people are doing it not to share, but to try to make themselves look better, or to rub it in your face either knowingly or unknowingly (some people are totally oblivious), then other measures are called for, and they depend on what kind of situation you are in. Family and friends are a little different from strangers and acquaintances.

I think the best strategy is to find some way to excuse yourself—such as having to use the facilities or having some chore you have to do.

I wouldn’t want to slap the person in the face with their behavior, but perhaps I’m too nice. Then again, there are somewhat more assertive things to say, such as, “Excuse me, but you’ve been talking a lot about your wonderful children, and I’d like a chance to talk about mine.” Or you could say, “Wow! You’ve been doing a lot. Would you like to hear about what I’ve been up to?”

Or, if you are feeling diminished, you might just give them their victory and retreat from the field of battle. “Wow! You’ve accomplished a lot. I’m jealous, to tell you the truth. I don’t have anything like that to talk about. Well, I could tell you about the time I was counting spots in the ceiling while I was waiting for the doctor to come in.” You give them their victory and make fun of them for caring all at the same time, and practically force them to say, “Uh, I’d love to hear about that, but right now I’ve got to go bore someone else go to the ladies.”

I avoid people who do that.

Roll my eyes and act like I’m listening.

Arrrggh! annoying much!?
Well when I tend to run into people like that for example one of my classmates from my old school. She is always competing with me in EVERYTHING!
Now she just heard from my friends who are also her friends that am moving back home to Iceland and I will be doing International Baccalaureate, next thing I hear is that she is doing the same thing after christmas in the same school. Today I just got an E-mail telling me that I couldn’t be accepted in because there were only 2 places remaining. – I am not sure if she’s been accepted or not.
Waitt what was I talking about again…:S?

Anyway yeah she’s been competing with me and bragging ever since I first met her.

I take the lead, and say what everyone else is thinking. Usually something a little playful and a little mean that everyone nearby laughs at. Using a few condescending and dismissive phrases I keep in my back pocket always works pretty well. For example:

Braggart: “Blah blah blah, now both my daughters are studying abroad in Zurich and getting straight A’s. Well, they call them 1’s there!”
Me: “Zurich? My grandma lives in Zurich!”
Braggart: ”(pause, annoyed at the interruption) Oh really?”
Me: “Yeah! She’s a wrestler!”

Everyone around realizes in an instant that this is a joke, everyone who has been just waiting to see the bragging person be taken down a peg jumps at the cue to laugh. The tension is broken, the bragging is ended, the bragger thinks twice about speaking up and normality is restored.

Here‘s another great one that I haven’t had a chance to use in conversation yet.

I just look down at the spoiled little brat and think to myself – have you ever actually seen your own child?

I flip them the bird and say yeah, right. They don’t do it very often after that.

I don’t associate with them. There is a big difference between being proud and being braggadocios.

I would ignore it… perhaps they feel a need to brag because they feel insecure, and have to tell the world just how wonderful they and their family are.
Just a thought.

If I can’t get away from them quietly, I act aloof and nonchalant.

It’s okay to be proud and happy with one’s children, accomplishments and there is nothing wrong with championing the positives in one’s life as long as it is not of a narcissistic nature.

Healthy self esteem allows a person to share their accomplishments from a place of joy and pleasure and one must look at their own reactions of envy, jealously or other sour grapes if they take offense at anothers happy moments.

I agree that chronic bragging and fishing for complements can be a sign of low self esteem, BUT…feeling resentful of others successes, happinesses is also a sign of the the same thing.

If you have a hard time giving complements and credit to others you might want to take a look at that and how your perceptions may be somewhat askew due to your own insecurities.

While bragging can be off putting it is also true that we should NEVER downplay the good things just because others may resent or envy our happy moments.

I am not a bragger but I also won’t minimize my successes and happy reactions just to salve anothers shakey self esteem.

This is an area that always merits looking within and asking yourself if it is really true that the other person is a braggart or if YOU just don’t have anything equally exciting to share and therefore resent the person for YOUR lack.

I just dropped a ‘friend’ that did the exact opposite, was always negative and with holding whenever I shared something positive.

That is just as big of a problem as the braggart.

Same rope, different ends.

Depends on the person. Some bother me, most don’t.

That never happens to me, because all of my friends already know how truly amazing, wonderful, kind, thoughtful, considerate and bright my kids are. And my dorg, too. And since no one can possibly top how wonderful my kids and my dorg are (and my job, too, when I think about that) and all of my ancestors, and the gods they used to pray to, rather than be held up to ridicule when they try to proclaim the greatness or even the simple adequacy of any part of their puny existence, they don’t try any more.

On the other hand, it sort of shortens a lot of conversations that I try to start, too.

Apparently you hadn’t heard about my kids yet. Got a minute… ?

But truly, I try to not let it get to me. Because whether anyone else knows or not, I do know how wonderful it is to have my kids and their families (and my dorg) in my life, and I have no need to brag. If they have that need, then I actually feel somewhat sorry for them… and I do try to steer the conversation to the Patriots. Did you see them take the Jets apart last night? Hah! Those miserable New York Jets – pah! – thinking they even belonged on the same field with the Pats, the simple fools.

I grin and bear it or do a little of my own if need be to quiet things down. In all reality there are so many miserable parents who have little if anything to brag about and much of it is their own fault and they know it. Either way it is a short lived situation as either the kids grow up or break bad in life and no more brag fests to worry about.

Fake smile.

@CyanoticWasp would you mind telling me what a “dorg” is?

<==This is the dorg. (At least until I change my avatar again.)

Funny. I could have sworn that was a dog!

It’s a part of their personality. I just let it go.

I usually just nod or shake my head, saying very little… “aha!, Mmmm!, oh really, never!, did ya!, do they!, did he!, was she, etc, etc, etc…who cares“!!! :-/

Bragging about cars might fit into this category as well, so, umm, sorry.

Ignore it, and if it’s really bad I make a sarcastic and witty, yet slightly undetectable insult.

The one person I know who does this constantly – and I do mean every single time she is with another adult – is doing it out of insecurity. Her children are not well behaved and I think she is trying to convince us and herself that it doesn’t matter because the 7 y/o is brilliant, the 5 y/o girl is “stunning” and the 3 y/o is the funniest kid ever. Any story another mom has to tell, she can top. One of her kids did it earlier or better. Believe me when I say I am not the only person who notices this.

I never tried to compete – I figure if you and your children truly are good, people will recognize it on their own. Now, that isn’t to say that I have never been proud of my daughter and mentioned it, but I do not feel the need to tell the same story to the same person more than once and I am ok if every single person I know hasn’t heard about it.

I used to nod and agree, then I figured out it was insecurity and tried to really support her thinking she would get over it at least around me. Nope. So I started looking at a magazine or something and give a few nods and mmhmms or saying, “yeah, I remember you mentioning that before.” Eventually I just cut her out – I pretty much completely avoid her now.

I like to gape and drool. Then say “Huh? Oh, are you still talking?”

Who are you trying to kid, @Trillian? You like to just gape and drool anyway.

If it truly was constant, then I would be very annoyed. I’m not a fan of people who need to one-up people and constantly gloat and toot their own horn. Knowing me, I probably wouldn’t stay quiet about it; I’d probably call them out on it.

However, sometimes I get the feeling that simply being confident and proud of accomplishments is seen as “bragging” by some people. It seems that it’s okay to discuss negatives with everyone, but suddenly when it’s something positive, it’s “bragging”.

I’m in the wrong company here. Personally, I am delighted when people want to share a part of their life with me, and I join right in.

I get fed up pretty quickly when someone brags about themselves or even their kids. I understand people being proud of their kids but when they try to constantly push their kids in my face i get annoyed. Everyone loves their kids but some people act like their kids are above the kids of others. They’re kids and people need to let them be kids without being caught up in mommy and daddy’s quest for one upmanship and being elite. I don’t have any kids but if I did I would not put them through that.

Reminds me of this scene from Family Guy:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4uhx5i7QV98

@DominicX LOL!!!

With friends, I generally try a little sarcasm and then try to change the subject, and repeat if necessary, something like, “yea, yea, yea. Hey look over there!”

If it’s someone i don’t know very well, i will generally use some of the above tools to just get by their nattering to move on to a more important topic, ME!!! :)

Being proud of yourself, your children, your family is a great thing! I would never discourage anyone from that.

I am in a club of moms and, out of 70+ members, there is only one I would truly put into this super-bragger category. I have been a member for four years – three years on the board, including one as VP of membership and one as president. Very dorky… trust me, I am not bragging! So, while I am not good friends with all of them I can say with certainty that I have had a enough interaction with almost everyone to make a fair assessment.

I feel confident that it isn’t an issue of me being jealous, only wanting to hear the negative or not being open to having people share things with me. I do agree that some people are more annoyed with others bragging or being proud of things and that true braggarts are not all that common… but some people really are over the top!

I’m not close to anyone like that so I grin and bear when in company. I do my best not to be short or snarky or to be too obvious to remove myself from any conversations but yeah, it happens.

@CyanoticWasp It is very ungallant of you to tell all you know of me to my disadvantage. Impolitic as well, I may add. Watch your back, love! ;-)

You’re absolutely right, @Trillian. It was ungallant and unwise for me to say any of that.

… but it’s still true, isn’t it?

All right yes! It’s true, it’s true, it’s ALL TRUE! Happy? I can’t help it if there’s a big hole in my lip and I happen to produce copious amounts of slobber into the bargain. Sheesh! One of these days, Alice. POW! RIght in the kisser! (And here I was going to get you a string of puhLAHpunees for Christmas!)

Whew. I guess I dodged a bullet there, @Trillian. Not only do I not play polo, but I think my neighborhood is zoned against punees, and I can’t afford to stable them. Their rent and board would cost nearly a third of my mortgage.

@CyanoticWasp I’m just pleased that you got the reference.

I can please women in all kinds of ways. Really.
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I just never actually do please them, apparently.

I just let it go in one ear and out of the other.

Unfortunately, it’s a personal fault: they are either confronted or avoided at all costs. A goal is to let it go and stop judging. May I one day be more like Melanie and not Scarlett from Gone with the Wind.

To brag little – to show well – to crow gently, if in luck – to pay up, to own up, and to shut up, if beaten, are the virtues of a sporting man”

Oliver Wendell Holmes