How should I approach a girl and what should I talk about?

It’s really going to depend on the situation, where you are, what’s going on. The approach I would use in a school is different than I would use in a pub. You can always start with “Hi, my name is….” and go into an appropriate topic. The important thing is to at least try. I’ve had a lot of success taking to girls, but I’ve also been shot down many times. I also think it’s important not to approach a girl with the goal you’re trying to get laid. Girls can spot this a mile away. Approach with the attitude you want to make a friend and have an interesting conversation. If you get a date out of it, great! If not, hopefully you had a nice conversation and maybe learned something new.

Be yourself my best advise.

Welcome to Fluther!

Talk to her as if she was anyone—which she is. Just start our by greeting, a simple hello.

Then ask her a question to break the ice. Perhaps she is carrying books and you could comment on a class she is taking or a book she is reading. Just ask, “Oh, you you take biology? Do you have Mr. Jones?” or “Are you reading Hemingway in English?” “Do you like it?”

And then just talk to her as you would any old regular person.

You didn’t mention your age or where you are seeing these girls you like. One thing almost universal in people is a desire to be helpful (hence the existence of Fluther). If you want to approach a new person, asking for help with something appropriate is a good ice-breaker. “Does this shirt go with these shorts?” “Do you understand dangling modifiers?”
Whatever might be appropriate to the location.

Don’t force yourself to be brave just for the sake of proving you’re brave. It should be a two way street here at least to some degree. Try looking at her first to see if she looks back or smiles. How does a girl behave when you’re around her? Wait for a girl to show at least something before attempting an approach. Showing desperation is a turn-off as well. Everyones personality is different (both guys/girls) so it’s hard to give universal advice on this matter.

I never had any luck with the talk to a stranger approach. So I rarely did it. I sometimes did better on a bus or train or plane where we are all captive so there’s nothing better to do than talk to your seat mate. I have the best luck meeting someone doing an activity I love to do. Anyway, I say that to make sure you know there are other places to meet women where it isn’t such a win/lose situation.

I know that in bars, the traditional approach is to send a girl a drink. Then you go over to her to talk, unless she’s already departed (to the bathroom or whatever) because she didn’t like your looks. That’s why they call bars a meat market. It’s mostly about looks, unless you’re funny and gregarious. Or even kind of mean, but you don’t care, so you say the most outrageous things, and you aren’t even very nice. “What are those shoes you’re wearing? We aren’t in Florida.” That kind of thing often flummoxes people. They don’t know what to do—tell you to fuck off, defend themselves or what.

Or you can say something really smart that they might feel makes them look stupid, so they’ll act as if they know what you’re talking about and engage with you. Of course, it helps to actually be really smart if you are going to take this approach. What you want is to get their attention, by having a strong personality that looks like it could be interesting. You also have the confidence to carry it off, and girls like that.

I was never able to do that, so I went with the first approach. Do it in a place where people can get to know me before I ask them to do something with me. I think I could do the elevator approach now, but only if it’s just me and the woman in the elevator. I don’t know about the approach in the middle of space. It takes women a little while longer to see that I’m interesting, but once they figure it out, they can become very interested. Of course, I’m in my 50s and married now, so it goes in a different direction—friendship. I like that, too. I like women.1`