Where's the best place to find a real live adult male (not a large child)

Fluther is full of eligible bachelors.

It may be hard to believe, but real live adult human males are all around you. They operate in the open much like their female counterparts and in many cases have the same goals, needs, and insecurities as they do.

Go out and do things you enjoy, guys who enjoy those things will be there as well, don’t be scared to talk to them and be open to them talking to you. Eventually you’ll find someone who meets your other criteria assuming expectations are realistic.

In the workplace where you can observe how they take care of their business, familymembers and how they treat strangers, co workers and talk about friends. If you’re lucky then you’ll find one who isn’t already swooped up.

Friends of friends. If your friends respect them and socialize with them then chances are you’ll respect them and find them interesting too. Plan group outings with friends or join meetup.com.

I’m going to disagree with @Neizvestnaya and say don’t shit where you eat.

Oh good Lord stay out of the bars. By your description I almost assumed you are from the same town I am. But my advice is show strength and independence, and for shit’s sake don’t look or act like you need a man or anything from one while you’re at it. It’s ok to need somebody, but not just anybody, admit you need him when you do, not before you find him.

@Neizvestnaya There are two males in my workplace, neither of whom are dating material, much less serious relationship material.

Depending upon your age either at a Young Entrepreneurs meeting. Or if you are older, the meetings at your local chapter of the Chamber of Commerce.

We are hiding in the form of nerdy computer geeks… completely avilable, will treat you right, have a wide range of skills (which in my case include cooking and the ability to hack your life). Sadly we do not look like brad pitt, a lot of us can’t dance (which clearly means we will be terrible in bed), and were nice not assholes… looks like I’m not qualified. Sorry.

@worriedguy I’m 26. And I’m one of those people who’s looking for people up to a decade or so older than me (the creepy old guys in the bar are like 45).

@mrlaconic Where are the geeks? Bring ‘em on! I’m a geek myself and am actively looking for geeky guys. They can also be trained to be excellent in bed. ;)

@mrlaconic a/s/l?

ALL males are large children. But then again, IMO, all females are large children, too. We both just have to take each other as we are, or else move to a cabin on a mountain-top :-/

@papayalily 28/M/Seattle,WA area (dang that brings back memories of the time I spent chatting with random strangers on yahoo chat rooms back at the dawn of the net).

@klutzaroo see my location above :D

I’ve already opted for bungalow on a mountaintop! heh!

No matter how or where you meet someone you still have to experience about 6 mos. of dating to start really seeing someone up close and personal with clarity!

What I will say is be wary of heavy drinkers, they are the most immature and emotionally stunted.

In my experience, they start showing up in packs the very moment you honestly decide that you are comfortable with yourself, honestly don’t mind being single and have invested in good electronics and double-A Duracells.

The last few concerts I’ve been to, I’ve noticed more guys there with a male friend than a date, and very few single women. Never pass up the opportunity to be set up by a friend or a coworker.

Things like beer tastings, or bars that feature craft beers generally draw nice younger guys.

@papayalily I’m not sure if I should thank you or hate you for taking me back to that phase in my life… ah the early days of the internet.

P.S. Geeks go to bars too…

@roundsquare What phase?

The a/s/l phase. A time where I pretended to be a wizard/assassin/etc… and chatted with girls online because I couldn’t do it in real life.

@roundsquare Oh, how sweet….

@roundsquare I can talk with men in real life, it just involves dressing up (by which I mean changing out of my jammies) and going outside. I found this and I’m definitely the blue side…

@papayalily Oh, funny! I reside in blue too. and, as you know, I still play the a/s/l rooms. Company and jammies = win/win

@papayalily Oh, I can talk to girls now. Just not back then. But I’m half and half.

@roundsquare Technically, I have some orange in me, it’s just something of a recessive trait, if you will…

Real places to meet people? How old fashioned! The internet works so well for dating because it allows you to be as picky as you want. You are presented with many potential mates, and you take a look at their face, you get an idea of their personality and you weed them out, as quick as that! Doesn’t like kids? Sorry! Wears Versace shoes? What a douchebag! Loves to give oral while being read The Wheel of Time? Hmmm…..

No need to meet someone at a bar and think they’re attractive, talk for several hours before he gets the nerve to ask you on a date, get all dressed up, only too late realize that you have nothing in common, the whole evening shot just from testing out one person.

Big ups to OKCupid, since it’s free and not particularly trashy. I went on there back in July and have had some great dates, a dramatic summer romance doomed to failure but loaded with good times, and I even met a woman I’m currently dating that I’m having the best sex of my life with (and with whom I might just be falling in love,) so, as they say, you can’t argue with results!

(Be prepared to drive though, if you live in a really small town. Keep your search area wide and keep an open mind.) Good Luck!

@Smashley I found my ex on okcupid. Not really wanting to dip too far back in that pool.

You can block individual users, actually. Don’t be down on the site, just because your ex also thinks it’s a good idea. In my experience, and the experience of those I’ve pointed towards the site, it works quite well!

@Smashley Oh, believe me, I blocked him. And his pathetic attempt to see what I was adding when I updated my profile. Dumbass waited until I was online to do it and I watched it happen and took care of it. My problem with okcupid is that on that site there seem to be a lot of people in my area who are looking to date and do… other things, not to get serious. I’m ready to be a real grown up and find someone who’s looking to settle down like I am. :P

Seriously. Let friends/coworkers/relatives know that you would be amenable to meeting their single male friends/coworkers. That gives you an “agent” network. You get to set some context around what you’re looking for and get ask some up-front questions, like “what do you think this guy and I have in common?” which also gives you some insight as to how they view you.

Approach it in the context of meeting new people and expanding your social network.

Trial and error, just plain old trial and error. I always had a strict policy of never giving my phone number to a guy in a bar. I’d get his number, but then not call. I firmly believed it was impossible to meet a decent guy in a bar.

I met my husband in a bar. We’ve been married 12 years and have three kids. :)

The thing is, you just never know. You might meet him on a dating site, or in an elevator, in the ER, at the library, or gasp in a bar. Just do your own thing, live your life, and don’t be afraid to jump at an opportunity or introduce yourself to someone.

If you go with online dating (which has worked for several happily married friends of mine, plus my dad!) just be prepared to go through some crazies before you meet someone you want to see again. My best friend used to meet guys for coffee only. She always had an excuse of somewhere else to go so she wouldn’t get caught on a long date with someone she didn’t click with. She went through a lot of coffee before she met her husband!

@Smashley I haven’t really had good luck with OkCupid. I mean, sure, my standards are high, what with eliminating drug users, those who don’t wash their hair, and those with kids, but I think it is sort of a “you get what you pay for” situation.

@papayalily Guess I was just lucky, then, I don’t know your gender, but it may be true that a nice guy has more compatible women to choose from than a nice girl does.

@MissAusten – I’m with you. It’s trial and error. My first marriage. I thought I married a man, but he sure hid some of those childish sides. This marriage, I met the man I married purely by chance. He just happened to be a good guy. I’ll tell you one thing. That first date was a doozy. Not meaning this amazing dinner, wonderful presents or anything like that; no, not at all. I was so comfortable with him. I laughed out loud without even thinking twice. Evidently I had something on my cheek and instead of being terribly embarrassed, I giggled it off and we just went on with things.

Bars, speed dating (ick), anything like that – anything too set up, never worked for me. It just happened. One thing he said to me, even though I felt I was at a low point, all he saw from me was confidence and radiance.

I’m sorry I don’t have the perfect answer. I just know how to tell you not to look for them!

@Smashley that’s a pretty good point. and @papayalily my friend… you know how it goes. If you are confident and present yourself the way that you want to be seen… there are a bajillion boys who want a smart girl… sexy is really secondary.
If you are a real, smart girl… it is just a matter of creating a good screen name and asking in a general chat for a “smart boy” You’ll get 100 responses and almost always at least 1 will be real and worth keeping.

<<< Eligible batchelor, but anal retentive, bald and red-necked. Able to get preganant in a chatroom, and can give you a virus through the screen. Sometimes known as zen – but far from zen-like. Basically a loveable goofball.

<<Was trying to read the expiration date on zen’s carton to see if he had passed the “sell by” date but it’s illegible. Somebody drew pictures of boobs all over it.

I’m not 40 – I’m 39.95 plus shipping and handling.

But wait! If you call right now, we’ll double the offer! That’s two zen for the price of one, lightly used but not expired, just pay separate shipping & handling
offer not valid in any contiguous US states

Probably expired and smelly.