Charisma. You either have it or you dont. Or is it something that can be acquired as an adult?

I think you can improve your charisma, but mostly, think most people are just born with it. Personally, I enjoy sitting in the corner. I’m a great spectator

removed due to a dup.

I know a few people that developed charisma because of a life change. They learned it through study and seeking.

@BoBo1946 I thought I was like that too
but yesterday I went shopping with dad, and he pinched a car park slot that another lady was clearly waiting for. She went mad, and stormed over to our car. But I tell you within a minute my dad had her eating out of his hands… the car park space was no problem in the end.
I just sat there looking gormless thinking ‘i want some of that..’

I tend to think charm and charisma is either naturally present or it isn’t.

I do think one can work on their social skills and a healthy self esteem also lends itself to feeling more confident in allowing ones natural charm to shine through.

I am extremely humorous, charismatic and outgoing, it has always come easy for me and I am a great ‘people person’.

I ‘use’ my charm wisely and would never consider manipulating anyone, but I could, very easily.

I possess great mediation skill and ability to draw peope in and make them feel very comfortable.

If I was a sociopath I’d have it made! lol

My wife and i are both people persons. we both can talk the ears off an elephant. this was our born personality. our children have the same personality.

I believe its in your genes. you either have it or you do not. i was born to be a drummer. never had a lesson. part of my life career was centered around music and recording studios.

Have you talked your situation over with your parents? if they have it and you do not, then listen to the advice they give you. in this case, practice what your parents teach you.

This can happen for you. look in the mirror and tell yourself this is the next day for the best of your life. you can do this.

@john65pennington I would loved to have had a chat with my mum about it. Actually just to chat with her about anything would be great.
My dad just takes the mick out of me – in a good natured way of course. He’s always telling me I’m the most charming woman he’s ever met (then he starts cleaning his glasses and sniggers).

I’m dreaming of a white charisma
Just like the ones I used to kn….....I’ve misunderstood here haven’t I? Do forgive me :¬)

I really think charisma is something that you are born with.

You can improve your charm and sociability, but not generate charisma.

Every once in a while I get a moment or two of charisma, but only in specific situations. Certainly not out in public with random strangers. I can tell stories—but only if it is set up so that I have everyone’s attention. If I have to compete for attention, forget it.

People remember what I say occasionally. So it seems like I have an impact on one or two, but I can’t command the attention of a room.

I think it has to do with self-confidence and with life experience. If you have self-confidence and your life experiences reward your efforts to generate charisma, they you’re good. But if you get shut down or told you are stupid every time you try to command attention, or if you are afraid of being shut down, you won’t have charisma.

Can you learn it? Well, I think you can, but it involved reprogramming a lifetime of experience. You have to learn to generate confidence. You have to be able to say what you want to say with conviction, so that no one can gainsay it. You also need to do it with movements and gestures that invite people to pay attention and want to agree with you.

You can learn these things, but it’s not easy.

I agree with @marinelife. You can definitely acquire more confidence, presence and poise but charisma is something innate. Paradoxically, there are many charismatic people whom I wouldn’t want as friends so I don’t think it is something to sweat over. Being open, friendly and interested in other people will draw them to you, too.

@misstrikcy sound like you have a pretty cool Dad!

It is something a person is either born with or acquired at an early age. Both my SO and I can turn on the charm, but only for a short period of time and with and audience that doesn’t see us when off the ‘stage’. It leaves us both exhausted.

I remember Malcolm Muggeridge saying that we have charm and charisma as infants and the question is how do we come to lose it.

I don’t think charisma is innate, whatsoever and that you can acquire it – it’s all about perceiving people well and being able to small-talk them enough to pacify them, to pay attention to them and to give two shits about whatever feedback you get back. Pharma reps discuss their charisma spiels before the docs come in and they work like a charm (no pun intended).

@Simone_De_Beauvoir

Tha’ts not charisma it’s a con.

Manipulation, pre-meditated ‘charisma.’ lol

False charisma is insincere.

Genuine charisma is sincere. ;-)

Hence my ref. to sociopaths. haha

@Coloma It’s an example of charisma, I agree. People who have genuine charisma care about others say; people who have ‘fake’ charisma don’t. Charisma isn’t about one’s intent because it’s about how people perceive a charismatic person, it’s about how a charismatic person is able to hold the room, hold attention, hold themselves in relation to those who end up being charmed by them.

@Simone_De_Beauvoir
Right.

Extoversion and introversion are at play as well.

Extroverts are energized by people and social situations and introverts are more inclined to find what is ‘normal’ for an extrovert to be over stimulation for them.

Therefore I think that charisma feels and IS more natural for the more gregarious personalities.

It is much harder to have perceptive charisma if you are of a more introvert nature.

Sooo, I conclude that charisma is also largely based on inate temperment.

Charisma is all about Winning Others Over, or WOO:

Woo
Woo stands for winning others over. You enjoy the challenge of meeting new people and getting them to like you. Strangers are rarely intimidating to you. On the contrary, strangers can be energizing. You are drawn to them. You want to learn their names, ask them questions, and find some area of common interest so that you can strike up a conversation and build rapport. Some people shy away from starting up conversations because they worry about running out of things to say. You don’t. Not only are you rarely at a loss for words; you actually enjoy initiating with strangers because you derive satisfaction from breaking the ice and making a connection. Once that connection is made, you are quite happy to wrap it up and move on. There are new people to meet, new rooms to work, new crowds to mingle in. In your world there are no strangers, only friends you haven’t met yet—lots of them.
Gallup Organization

In my experience, most of them are extroverts. They appear to care about people, and maybe they do, but from my experience, it is more about, well…winning others over. It may be referred to as ‘manipulation’, but I don’t necessarily look upon it in a negative way. They know how to get buy-in by listening to others’ opinions, not vocally judging, and come across as positive while keeping their negative thoughts private. Unless they show a dark side, we gravitate to them.

Woo is a definite inate characteristic; however, you can learn aspects of it, like how to work a room. I’m very shy. I went to a board meeting last night, big smile on my face, greeted the one person I knew, then looked around the room, and said, “Hi I’m ___, Kevin’s friend. I’m excited and honored to be part of this group.” Every person introduced themselves, I repeated their name as I greated them, and made a point to look approachable. My manager is a super woo, and I noticed that she did this at meetings. It put everyone at ease; someone has to go first.

@BarnacleBill I agree…it can be learned. It just leaves one exhausted, at least if an introvert.

I believe it can be both. Some people are born with the ability, and some can gain it by choice. It is very similar to being happy.

Look at it this way.

Whats going to make you swoon more, a frisky puppy or a tortoise? lol

Tortoises are adorable in their own way but they sure arn’t going to jump in your arms and lick your face! hahahaha

@YARNLADY Charisma can bring happiness, much like achieving a goal. I’m not sure that it provides the same happiness as it does like the smell of fresh cut grass or that knowing glance across the room to someone who knows you best. Maybe it is the same gratification. It just isn’t what rewards me. Maybe that is where I am getting hung up on this, as well as others. The ones I know with charisma probably find the experience more gratifying then the smell of grass or a puppy jumping into their arms.

I think you’re born with it…it’s not a learned thing. My husband, charismatic. Me, I have some confidence…not so charismatic. In a room of people, he smiles and lights up the place. In a room of people, I know what to do, but am screaming inside because of social nerves.

Wish I had it! It would be nice to go to my husband’s company party this weekend without feeling the need to throw up!

Thanks for all your thoughts folks.
I think whilst I can definately work on being more charming, sociable and confident etc, for me personally, I’m not convinced that I would ever achieve the kind of spontaneous charisma I see from my dad, and those of you similarly gifted.
It’s no big deal really… it was just one of those things I wanted improve in myself (and will of course keep trying). But overall I’m happy with who I am…