I hate my SO's friends. What do I do?

If I were you, it would be a major red flag that my SO doesn’t stand up to his friends about the way they’re treating you. I would never, ever be with someone who considered people who were mean to my face to be his friends.
They don’t have to like you. You don’t have to like them. Civility needs to happen.
Have you talked to your SO about their behavior and how you as a team will deal with it? How often do they hang out without you? Does your partner spend much time with just you?
Just out of curiosity, are you a female with a male partner? That’s what I assumed but your question gives no clue.

Welcome to Fluther… provisionally

Something about your post is very weird. You write well, so it’s not a ‘mistake’. But you start by saying nice things about your SO, and then you say, and this is what curdles my milk, that you don’t like to hang out with “their friends”. And you do that deliberately throughout the post. Come on. Say “his friends”. We’re friendly here; we don’t bite… well, we sting from time to time.

I think you really need to re-evaluate the SO. A man is known by the company he keeps. It’s ancient, and I’ve never seen it to be far wrong. How long have you known this guy, and how easy would it be for him to put on a false front for you, pretending to be someone he really isn’t?

Any of us can have strange taste in friends, but in my experience one generally befriends “a group of friends” ... with similar characteristics to oneself. You might want to ask other people who know this guy apart from you, and who have no stake in whether or not you end up liking him or not, and find out who he really is.

And you’re already more or less anonymous here. You don’t have to hide behind whether or not you’re going out with a guy or a girl. It doesn’t even matter to us if you are a guy or a girl. But it does make it easier to read, interpret and offer advice.

“According to my SO, they all think my SO should dump me”
He tells you this?? I’d dump your S/O just for being a dolt. ;)

Wow- sounds like his friends are total douchbags. That is the technical term.
My hubby’s “friend” is similar. A bunch of their friends got married and when my (now husband) boyfriend and I started getting serious he turned on me!
Bottom line:
Your buddies friends might be jealous and/or afraid you are going to “steal him away”. Yes- I realize how sophomoric this sounds (my hubby’s buddy was 30 at the time…)

I can’t really offer good advice without knowing more, but I will do the best I can.

I’d like to know how long you’ve know your SO? How old are you two? How long has he known his friends? How did he meet his friends?

It is not cool that they pressure you to drink. Does your SO drink with them? How much do they drink? Do they drink to the point of passing out? How often do they drink and how often does your SO drink with them?

Your SO should be able to support you when you tell them their behavior is not cool and you want them to stop. He should say the same thing. They may be afraid of losing another one of their group. Do they have jobs? What do they do?

I would worry if your husband drinks a lot. If he hangs out a lot with them. Like three or more times a week. I think that’s a sign of an alcohol problem.What’s he like when he comes home from a night out? How different is he?

Have you told your SO how this makes you feel? How you feel angry and jealous? At the heart of this it is an issue between you and you SO, and the only way you can work on it is to talk honestly to your SO about the situation. You don’t accuse him of anything or use the word “you” at all. It is about what you feel. And what he feels. And negotiating a solution.

What do you want? Do you want them to stop talking to your SO about dumping you? Do you want him to stop going out with them so often? Or go out on different nights? Do you want your SO to stop drinking? Whatever it is, let him know, but be prepared to bargain. You won’t get everything you want. Don’t threaten him with any ultimatums and let him know you really love him, but this hurts you and what can we do to make this situation better and heres what you would propose.

If you can’t talk to your SO about this, that’s a real problem. If you can, you should be able to work it out. All you have to do is figure out what you want, and then talk to him, and be willing to compromise.

Sounds like you have an issue asserting yourself not only with your SO but “their” friends. I would never let hooligans rain down on me without a sufficient push-back to stand you own ground. I’m sure you know how to have fun without drinking it’s easy to do. Just make your position of these issues crystal clear but do so in an in-control approach and they should respect you and maybe even like you for standing your ground with them. If you let them push you around and take their shit, they will only treat you that way. Then after you do this, kick the SO (I am assumming here) nads for not defending you all along.

Yeah, I’m thinking he’s one way with them and another way with you – he’s a coward, then and a two-faced one at that. A person’s friends have some reflection on a person, imo, and your SO should certainly stand up for you more if he’s really that great.

I’m 52 and never in my life have I ever had a group of people be rude to me. Believe me though, if I had, I would stay as far away from them as possible. Your S/O is as much as condoning their actions by not speaking up for you. That makes me think he does the same thing when he is with them and away from you. I’d get to know him better while distancing yourself from him as it doesn’t seem you two are on the same page as to what a real relationship consists of.

Hate is a strong word with a strong definition.
One way to deal with it is to not reward bad behavior from them. Anytime they do or say something you don’t like do something they don’t like, and anytime they act good reward them even if they’re being sarcastic. The reward system works with most people if you can find their nerve.

Your SO should put you above destructive and negative friends/acquaintances. S/he sounds immature. Not sticking up for you and passing on negative comments is snarky passive-aggressive bs. Get a new SO.

Look at the people a person has in their life. It reflects a lot about them, maybe not always good. They don’t have to be perfect, but if they lack respect and he put’s up with them. Well, to me, that speaks volumes. I’d rather be single.

What in the world did I use that apostrophe in the word “put’s” and I haven’t had any wine tonight. Geez.

@cak So that tells me you need some wine.

@chyna: Isn’t it always a good time for wine?

@cak YES!

I would just dump him for not defending me. Are you sure that your S/O is telling the truth about his friends saying that he should dump you. He might just be saying that to make you feel like he is way better then you, you should be happy to have him, you’ll NEVER see a guy like him again, etc.? (I’m not saying that about you I am just saying what could be on his mind)

This is rough terrain. In a way, you’re SO’s friends tell a lot about him/her. In another way, people do change and grow out of certain ways and certain friends. Maybe there are underlying qualities of these friends that your SO appreciates, and it shouldn’t hurt to inquire about the history or basis of their friendship. My ex appeared quite different from his set of friends, yet when I learned more about their history I understood better. In the end, he exemplified the irresponsible and inconsiderate behavior of his friends. Coincidence or not? I honestly don’t know.

@CyanoticWasp I may be wrong, but it sounds like the OP is using “their” because s/he may be feeling distant from this person (understandably, given that this person isn’t defending him/her against the friends).

OP, your last sentence sums it up. You are doing the right thing by just letting your SO see his/her friends and not going along for the outing.

It sounds like your guy/gal may be young and immature. They are still influenced by peer pressure and so they’re not taking a stand against the friends’ rude behavior. I don’t think you should dump your SO just yet. Try telling him/her how those friends make you feel, and that by not defending you, you feel that your SO is showing a lack of respect.

@lonelydragon you may very well be right, but I sense someone who’s (obviously) new to Fluther and not certain that he / she can come out of the closet here with relative safety.

I’m just saying here I don’t think this person is even coming back.